lingering questions in my mind - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #61 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 03:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

yes, the MC suggested a book by Harley.

yes, i already asked her if the affair would have continued if those "expectations" were met - she replied "...i don't know because it didn't happen..."

well, at first, her reply to that question is - "...i don't know if he's true to me because i didn't care and i don't care now...but if you insist for an answer, i think he was true, honest, and open person to me..." .

she doesn't want to apologize to his wife because it would appear to him that were fighting over him and it would appear he matters a lot to us. that's what she's insisting - the guy DIDN'T MATTER to her at all. it's all about herself, about what she felt and what made her happy.


Last edited by sancheharri; 04-01-2017 at 03:33 AM.
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post #62 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 03:28 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

Did you cause the affair? No. That's all on her. If you had neglected her it was her duty to tell you so.

She's rationalizing, deflecting, gaslighting...and so on.

She's responsible. No one else.

PS Did you ever tell his wife? Why not?

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #63 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 03:29 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

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Originally Posted by sancheharri View Post
yes, the MC suggested a book by Harley.

yes, i already asked her if the affair would have continued if those "expectations" were met - she replied "...i don't know because it didn't happen..."

That's a lie

she doesn't want to apologize to his wife because it would appear to him that were fighting over him and it would appear he matters a lot to us. that's what she's insisting - the guy DIDN'T MATTER to her at all. it's all about herself, about what she felt and what made her happy.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #64 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 03:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

malaise, i want to tell the wife. i just don't have the energy right now to search and travel all the way. i'm just exhausted to the point of dropping dead. perhaps one day when i recover my wits i will tell the om's wife...
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post #65 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 05:51 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

Hey, you do realise that once you get every ounce of info out of your WS that you will still wonder, you will still burn at the thought of it? I didn't get reconciliation but I know enough from being here that recon is an active thing - not words but actions. Look at the actions - there's your answer.
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post #66 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 07:58 AM
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lingering questions in my mind

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Last edited by 225985; 04-02-2017 at 10:52 PM.
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post #67 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 08:26 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

Your wife is torturing you, how very cute.
See a lawyer and have divorce papers drawn up.

First and foremost, your wife is a sl*t of the lowest kind. A good woman does not open her legs for another man as long as she is married. Tell her that she should start charging. At least her w**re a** could be earning her enough so that when she is kicked into the streets she can support herself.

The affair is too far in the past, tell the b*** to go. Toss her **** ass into the streets. You deserve better.
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post #68 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

from what i see, i don't think and feel that she has changed fundamentally. i mean, she said it herself in one of our numerous arguments "...i am still the same person when you met me, i just made a mistake...you knew me way before that i have many male friends...this is who i am..." . she probably regrets and sorry for having the affair, she seems to be trying to make-up for that "mistake", but basically, she is still indeed the same person - outgoing and friendly to all her friends (men and women). when i see her with her friends, she behaves as if her marriage is not in serious trouble. geez, i'm not sure if i'm making sense here, guys. sorry...

yes, 4-year old boy. he was born before the affair, if i am to believe her story.

yeah, when she shouted that to me, it really hurt. she got me on that one i almost punched her mouth! i just walked-out to cool-off because it's embarassing to our two grown-up sons - their parents spilling their guts for everybody to hear.

Last edited by sancheharri; 04-01-2017 at 09:20 AM.
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post #69 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:41 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

Sancheharri

First thing you need to do is 180. Second is to expose OM to his employer and wife. Third you need to have divorce papers drawn up and filed. Fourth you need to tell your wife that arguing does not mean to run into the arms of another. Fifth you need to tell your wife that locking your keys in your car is a mistake, having sex with someone is a choice. Sixth, tell your wife you have exposed OM to his work and wife, do not tell her until this is done. If she cries of gets mad at you say, I thought he didn't matter?!! Then 180 with exception to the kids.

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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post #70 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:42 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

I forgot to mention, get into another argument with her and as you walk out the door tell her you're going to get laid.


Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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post #71 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

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Sancheharri

First thing you need to do is 180. Second is to expose OM to his employer and wife. Third you need to have divorce papers drawn up and filed. Fourth you need to tell your wife that arguing does not mean to run into the arms of another. Fifth you need to tell your wife that locking your keys in your car is a mistake, having sex with someone is a choice. Sixth, tell your wife you have exposed OM to his work and wife, do not tell her until this is done. If she cries of gets mad at you say, I thought he didn't matter?!! Then 180 with exception to the kids.
Hotel management might not like the front desk staff banging the guests. Although, it does give new meaning to 'room service'

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #72 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

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Sancheharri

First thing you need to do is 180. Second is to expose OM to his employer and wife. Third you need to have divorce papers drawn up and filed. Fourth you need to tell your wife that arguing does not mean to run into the arms of another. Fifth you need to tell your wife that locking your keys in your car is a mistake, having sex with someone is a choice. Sixth, tell your wife you have exposed OM to his work and wife, do not tell her until this is done. If she cries of gets mad at you say, I thought he didn't matter?!! Then 180 with exception to the kids.
Start here. Do this.

Get yourself rested and healthy again please!

DNA test your youngest, or possibly all your children, just to be sure.

The 4 year old is very suspect.

Your wife has zero remorse and is still an extremely disgusting blame shifting cheater.

Your child needs at least one healthy parent so get there.

Your marriage is toast for now. Leave the ashes for later examination.

Take care of yourself and your child first.

Your wayward wife is still an enemy. See clearly and understand.
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post #73 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

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Hotel management might not like the front desk staff banging the guests. Although, it does give new meaning to 'room service'
The vast majority of companies have a serious problem with employees using their time, resources and facilities to f customers.

The stupid prick needs stopped.
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post #74 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 10:22 AM
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lingering questions in my mind

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Last edited by 225985; 04-02-2017 at 10:53 PM.
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post #75 of 273 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 10:40 AM
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Re: lingering questions in my mind

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Originally Posted by Malaise View Post
Hotel management might not like the front desk staff banging the guests. Although, it does give new meaning to 'room service'


Especially if on company time, as I suspect that it is!!!

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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