How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so..... - Page 26 - Talk About Marriage
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post #376 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 07:40 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Did yet another one bite the dust?




Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #377 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 05:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Thanks for the vote of confidence- though I can't blame you. I missed my first appt with the lawyer due to concrete coming an hour late and I figured that wouldn't impress anyone here so I didn't post it. I did meet with the lawyer Thurs and it will cost $1400 for a dissolution. He said it would be cheaper to go in the next county to file. He is ready to go when I give the green light..

I am waiting to consult with a counselor today and plan on talking to my wife tonight. Been PM ing another member on here and having a a very interesting conversation.

I didn't realize anyone had posted on here of I would have responded earlier
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post #378 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 05:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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Bremik - status report time, my man

Letting you know I posted
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post #379 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 05:33 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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Thanks for the vote of confidence- though I can't blame you. I missed my first appt with the lawyer due to concrete coming an hour late and I figured that wouldn't impress anyone here so I didn't post it. I did meet with the lawyer Thurs and it will cost $1400 for a dissolution. He said it would be cheaper to go in the next county to file. He is ready to go when I give the green light..

I am waiting to consult with a counselor today and plan on talking to my wife tonight. Been PM ing another member on here and having a a very interesting conversation.

I didn't realize anyone had posted on here of I would have responded earlier
We're not here for you to impress us but to try and help you have a life you deserve.

Not a bad price
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post #380 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 05:37 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

When you speak to your wife don't ask her for a divorce. If you have indeed made up your mind then just tell her you're filling and getting out. You just want to discuss business and child custody.

Manipulative tactics like talking to her or making idle threats won't get you anywhere. As you found through the years of this.
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post #381 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 05:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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So Bremik, even in divorce, you're going to make it easy and take care of your wife?
Probably best, but I think you just just see what your lawyer says.

You probably aren't, and have never wanted to divorce your wife. I don't think you can, because it's obvious you love her--- too much.

If I were you, I'd try to take care of yourself as much as possible when you draw up those papers. You may find if you make it too easy, she may jump at the chance.
Be sure you're serious about the divorce before you serve her.
Lawyer good with what I want and understands farming- said she would be a fool not to take my offer. No I don't want a divorce but the only way to get away from jay and lying is to get away from her. I am taking control of what I have left- the farm and exchanging alimony and child support for all the debt. My wife and daughter should live comfortably on what she makes if she manages properly.

I have never implied that I have contempt for my wife- just some of her actions. I have been romantically involved with her for 28 yrs and don't think it is surprising that I am crawling towards what will take 41 days to end it. Feel free to weigh in

Last edited by bremik; 04-22-2017 at 05:53 PM.
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post #382 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 05:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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We're not here for you to impress us but to try and help you have a life you deserve.

Not a bad price
I just meant people would assume I was trying to get out of it by not going and having an excuse so I waited until I had done it. Thanks toAffaircare I looked at Ohio laws to see what I could do and laid it out for the lawyer. I looked for the easiest,fastest and cheapest way to do it with everyone in mind and felt like I addressed my wants as well
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post #383 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 06:09 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Think of what's got you where you are today. Years of it.

Don't make his harder than it needs to be.

Take care of yourself first. Kids second. Let your wife fend for herself. She has been anyway.
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post #384 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 08:22 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Bremik,
I of all people understand.
I hope you get it all straightened out. I hope your wife finally sees how horribly she's treated you.
You have loved her like everyone wishes to be loved. Hold your head high and make your life like you want it. It's her loss.
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post #385 of 403 (permalink) Old 04-22-2017, 11:15 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
Bremik,
I of all people understand.
I hope you get it all straightened out. I hope your wife finally sees how horribly she's treated you.
You have loved her like everyone wishes to be loved. Hold your head high and make your life like you want it. It's her loss.
E, I don't think that will happen.

She will think she's the mistreated one.


“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #386 of 403 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 07:35 AM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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I just meant people would assume I was trying to get out of it by not going and having an excuse so I waited until I had done it. Thanks toAffaircare I looked at Ohio laws to see what I could do and laid it out for the lawyer. I looked for the easiest,fastest and cheapest way to do it with everyone in mind and felt like I addressed my wants as well


I'd (obviously) be the first to get on you for inaction. This is not inaction. You are doing great.

So let's say you file and she says she'll go unconditional No Contact...let's map out your next steps

----
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post #387 of 403 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 02:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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I'd (obviously) be the first to get on you for inaction. This is not inaction. You are doing great.

So let's say you file and she says she'll go unconditional No Contact...let's map out your next steps
Still getting very helpful information from a member here and my luck came through and was unable to talk to counselor yesterday so hope today. Still have some personal issues I want to address.

I feel everything is lined up to do what I need to. I am extremely confident she won't fight me.
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post #388 of 403 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 04:55 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

@bremik,

I think the main things to consider are:

1) Don't return to the usual "Dance Steps"--in other words, the way it went in the past: you'd discover something, she'd be defensive, you'd be angry, she'd cry, you'd say "him or me", she'd make promises, you'd wait and see, she'd make up to you without actually following through, after a while you'd go back to the same old same old with nothing truly changed. If you do those same steps, then you'll get the same result. This time we aspire to a different, (hopefully) better result! So looking at the steps you usually do, where are you in the "dance" and what could you differently instead of your usual step?

2) Don't go inactive and let this be swept under the rug--so far both of you have essentially avoided resolving this issue for roughly 20 years! And part of the way you two avoid it is by "going inactive"--so this time continue to take one different step...then another different step. Keep moving forward. You can not make her give up a lifestyle of being inappropriately flirty and partying with other men--SHE will have to want to do that of her own accord. But it is absolutely reasonable for you to keep yourself moving in a new direction (doing things a new way) and keep letting her know where YOU are at, and what YOU think and feel. Okay yep keep in mind whether or not you're giving away strategy, but you can share with her what you choose to share with her. Keep moving. Keep growing. Keep doing something different and then if it did or didn't work, adjust and try again. Don't let it slip back into "swept under the rug.

3) Don't try to control her; instead control YOU--part of seeing your spouse as an adult is giving them the chance to be an idiot. LOL What I mean is that not every choice someone makes is going to be wise, but an adult experiences the benefits and costs of the choice they made, an adult accepts personal responsibility, and an adult learns from it and grows and does better. YOU can not make her be a faithful, honest woman. But you can control YOU. You can make choices based on all the facts we don't really have here on TAM. You can make decision and accept both the costs and the benefits of what you purposefully decided. You can be responsible for YOUR LIFE. And you can look back and learn from what you've done before and what you're doing now and say "this worked...this didn't..." and grow. YOU can be a faithful man if that's who you choose to be . YOU can be an honest man too. And YOU can choose to ONLY have a partner in your life who shares those traits. Those are all legitimate choices. So instead of focusing on "making her be honest" ... focus on what you need to change and what kind of man you choose to be, and be that guy. Be... it's a verb, and verbs involve action.

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post #389 of 403 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 05:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Thank you to all who have provided input both on here and privately, I have done my best to listen to it all and construct my final plan.

I have been around my wife's family for 47 years and been intimately involved specifically with my wife for 28-30 years depending on what is considered "intimate". I don't feel I can do justice on here to their influence on our relationship as well as the knowledge I have of my wife's background and what makes up who she is. I feel I am well aware of the "infractions" my wife has inflicted on our marriage. In fact, I came here with the info in hand and didn't need a whole lot of guidance to figure out what I already knew and though I don't deny the obvious negative implications I do question what the validity of those implications.

With this in mind tonight I am going to start my conversation with my wife with "you haven't said anything about our discussion 3 weeks ago" and what I am going to follow with is where I stand right now with the information I have to date. It will be clear to her how much I love her and I am no longer willing to deal with jay or anyone like him in MY life anymore. I can't move forward with him being involved and being completely unable to trust her. I will inform her that as a result the only options I see are to end our relationship or she needs to renew her commitment to our marriage. I will tell her I have spoken to a lawyer and if she wants to know what I am proposing as a divorce agreement I will give that to her. She has exactly 1 week from today to decide if she is in or out in the marriage and if she is in she has to TELL ME what SHE is going to do to to fix the problems SHE has created. I will not ask her anything about this during the week and if I hear nothing by next Sunday then I will assume she is out. She is free to inform me of my contributions to these problems as she sees it without judgement or anger from me as well as free to discuss any topic concerning this during the week. But in the end I will not guide, influence or in any way construct the path that she is to take in fixing this.
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post #390 of 403 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 05:55 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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Originally Posted by bremik View Post


. But in the end I will not guide, influence or in any way construct the path that she is to take in fixing this.
I like this plan. She has to decide what she wants with no coaching. Only then can you know what's going on in her head.

Based on what you've said about her so far, I don't know if she'll give up Jay easily. Good luck.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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