Join date of 2009. That's now 8 years, most of a decade, you have been here and have known you got a serial cheater on your hands.
All your suffering at this point is your fault, it really is. You won't cut this cancerous person out of your life.
Maybe another 8+ years of suffering will do the trick.
I await your 2024 post.
More than eight years. This has been going on since they were first married in college. This has been throughout the entire marriage. She married him to have a stable, good man while getting some nasty on the side. The OM's wife is probably a lot like you, stable and good while he gets some nasty on the side from your wife. I'm sorry to say this, but it looks like this is what is going on. We already know that sheís probably doing anal with these other men (or at least J) based on her conversation with them. They apparently get their excitement from each other and their stable and steady from their actual spouses. I'm pretty sure their relationship is not based on intellectual interests.
It's not the alimony I am worried about it is the loss of income. I work off farm too, she works and we milk and cash is less than tight. Her job is the insurance provider and largest net income so big loss. She should actually live better living off her income only instead of the farm robbing money from it
If your farm isnít profitable, basically your wife is supporting you and the farm is a hobby. I think a big part of your issue is that your wife is supporting you so you can do what you like all day long, which happens to be farming. Iím not saying youíre lazy. Not at all. But you are living off your wife so you can enjoy taking care of the farm. If you want to divorce your wife, youíre going to have to give up your hobby and get a career.
The difference between a hobby and a career is that a career will support you financially. This farm isnít supporting you financially. Give it up and find work that will support you. Stop making excuses and grow up. You are acting like a teenager by thinking that you donít need to make money doing what you love, you only have to do what you love. Thatís doesnít always play out in the real world and it obviously hasnít for you.
I don't know that I can explain to you the farm side if you don't know how farming is. For various reasons we are where we are at right now and I said NETS the most not makes the most. I don't want to get hung up on farm financial. As far as the pattern I am not going to apologize for not jumping any ship when things get rough. It does appear it may not have worked well for me on my marriage but I would also contend if people in general weren't the throw away society/jump ship at first wave we have become things might be better for all. But I do appreciate your input
This is ridiculous. First off, if your farm is not profitable enough for you to support yourself, the responsible thing to do it is to quit farming, unless itís a hobby farm that you do alongside your day job.
Secondly, you are not making a logical point. You are not jumping ship at the first sign of trouble. You have been living a lie since the beginning of your marriage and tolerating your wifeís relationships with other men. These relationships are obviously inappropriate or she wouldnít be hiding them. Furthermore, you gave you wife an ultimatum regarding the other man, but did not follow through, so you have just become a doormat.
You are reframing things. Is it because you are otherwise satisfied with your life, even though your wife is obviously lying to you and hiding significant parts of her life, which most likely include having sex with other men?
Sheís not going to change. Sheís only going to tell you that she has changed and then sheíll switch numbers, get a burner phone, etc. to keep you off the trail all the while she is happily continuing with her hidden relationship(s).