How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so..... - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:16 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

If she is not an eminent threat to you or your kids, then why don't you separate amicably and still run a business?

There is NO WAY this relationship is made out of love and is kept due to love. Well, make it a marriage of convenience then. She will and has not stopped cheating. You want out but can't due to finances. Why is this that I mentioned above not a doable route?

Notice I didn't mention divorce and you don't have to be divorced to both get from "this type of marriage" what you both need at this time. It's not perfect, but neither has the situation you have been in for quite some time either. Things don't have to be black and white. They grey area works best the majority of the time.


Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #92 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:19 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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I don't think so. But I am concerned how I am going to deal with things crashing down around me. We already dealt with major farm issues a few years ago. Things were supposed to get better - they haven't
You are confusing the issue so much. Get yourself out of infidelity first, bucko.

You're not doing that. You're sitting here talking about farms and stuff. No offense, but you need to prioritize first. Just get out of infidelity. Nothing else matters right now.

The reality is that everything will be fine financially. You'll figure that out when the time comes, but right now you need to be blowing up their worlds.

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post #93 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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You are confusing the issue so much. Get yourself out of infidelity first, bucko.

You're not doing that. You're sitting here talking about farms and stuff. No offense, but you need to prioritize first. Just get out of infidelity. Nothing else matters right now.

The reality is that everything will be fine financially. You'll figure that out when the time comes, but right now you need to be blowing up their worlds.
I agree! Thank you for the re-focus!
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post #94 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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If she is not an eminent threat to you or your kids, then why don't you separate amicably and still run a business?

There is NO WAY this relationship is made out of love and is kept due to love. Well, make it a marriage of convenience then. She will and has not stopped cheating. You want out but can't due to finances. Why is this that I mentioned above not a doable route?

Notice I didn't mention divorce and you don't have to be divorced to both get from "this type of marriage" what you both need at this time. It's not perfect, but neither has the situation you have been in for quite some time either. Things don't have to be black and white. They grey area works best the majority of the time.
This is a very interesting and outside the box thinking! It helps on many levels the current concerns I have!
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post #95 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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This is a very interesting and outside the box thinking! It helps on many levels the current concerns I have!
Glad to be of service. This is a very common agreement in my native country and my culture.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #96 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:36 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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This is a very interesting and outside the box thinking! It helps on many levels the current concerns I have!
That's right just tell her she has your permission to cheat, and you can still work down on the farm.
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post #97 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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I respectfully say that farming always has been a very low margin business. The bank was happy that we netted 10% of our gross income for personal use.There are reasons very few people actually farm and those that do, farm well into their 70's before semi-retiring and then live off of assets for retirement.
In saying that "farming always has been a very low margin business", that there "are reasons very few people actually farm", and you earlier explaining why it is a hard business to be in if you did not have the advantage of inheriting the farm, you are rationalizing why it is not your fault that you are losing money, but you are not giving any good reason for staying in the failing business. Having an excuse for failure is not the same as success. I know many good people that have closed their businesses due the Internet (for example a travel agent) when they started to lose money. The farming industry has moved to large industrial farmers and away from small family farmers. You gave it your best shot, now accept this reality and move.

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In addition, my problems with my wife go back to when I worked for others and had a steady income. I have considered the stresses of farming as a cause and they at least don't help but jay was around before this.
Although your "problems with my wife go back to when I worked for others and had a steady income", your inability to financially be able to do anything about it began when you became dependent on her income. You need to decide on either keeping the farm, or having the financial ability to tell your wife that it is either Jay or you.
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post #98 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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That's right just tell her she has your permission to cheat, and you can still work down on the farm.
yes I guess that would be a good point to. No easy way out is there? Of course some would argue- maybe rightfully so - I already have done that
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post #99 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:42 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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Although your "problems with my wife go back to when I worked for others and had a steady income", your inability to financially be able to do anything about it began when you became dependent on her income. You need to decide on either keeping the farm, or having the financial ability to tell your wife that it is either Jay or you.
She is clearly unwilling to give up Jay. She will just go deeper underground. She may wait it out for a bit, but it's super easy to cheat and keep it hidden. On TAM we discuss all the ways to catch a cheater, but the truth is that if someone wants to cheat and hide it, the only thing that will tell you they are cheating is your gut. You'll never get an ounce of proof if they have half a mind to seriously hide it.

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post #100 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 04:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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She is clearly unwilling to give up Jay. She will just go deeper underground. She may wait it out for a bit, but it's super easy to cheat and keep it hidden. On TAM we discuss all the ways to catch a cheater, but the truth is that if someone wants to cheat and hide it, the only thing that will tell you they are cheating is your gut. You'll never get an ounce of proof if they have half a mind to seriously hide it.
It was just a freak chance that I found what I did recently. Luckily I knew what his farm's name was or may have still missed it. She doesn't want to answer why he uses the "farm" phone instead of his. I wonder if he is hiding things from his wife? He texted my wife at night a few times so you think he would have used his phone. You make good points thank you

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post #101 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 05:13 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Forgive me if this has been discussed, but have you consulted a lawyer? Knowledge is power.
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post #102 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 05:17 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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She is clearly unwilling to give up Jay. She will just go deeper underground. She may wait it out for a bit, but it's super easy to cheat and keep it hidden. On TAM we discuss all the ways to catch a cheater, but the truth is that if someone wants to cheat and hide it, the only thing that will tell you they are cheating is your gut. You'll never get an ounce of proof if they have half a mind to seriously hide it.
I completely agree with you, but in responding to the OP's post, I tailored my response to what I thought that the OP would be willing to actual do, with the actions that I am suggesting having the added benifit of letting him be financial able to end the marriage should he ever mentally get there. In getting him ready to truly be able to tell her that she needs to decide between Jay and the OP, the OP would also be ready to skip giving her such an ultimatum and just filing. Baby steps, baby steps.
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post #103 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 05:19 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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yes I guess that would be a good point to. No easy way out is there? Of course some would argue- maybe rightfully so - I already have done that
Yeah it sucks. So sorry.
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post #104 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 05:25 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

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if people in general weren't the throw away society/jump ship at first wave we have become things might be better for all. But I do appreciate your input
If society were an every action must have an equal reaction then things would get sorted out much quicker.

You can't pat yourself on the back for inaction...especially with an unremorseful wife..there I bit.

Adieu.
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post #105 of 516 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 06:19 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

I've tried to catch up on your posts but I have yet to determine whether you know if they are having sex - then or now?
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