How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so..... - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #1 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 12:41 PM Thread Starter
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How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

There have been talks on here how those "holding out" for love or pinning hopes on reconciliation often end up coming back when the other shoe finally drops. Here I am!

Ironically, I have been trying to talk to my wife since last November and various "now is not a good time" by me or her got me to this past Friday. I decided to write a letter complete with what I loved about her, what I thought was bad about her but was just a part of her personality that I considered and accepted to be a part of who she was. And finally, that her relationship/boundary handling of other males coupled with the lies and deceptions surrounding those relationships was something I could no longer emotionally handle. Hoped for a good talk Friday night and instead got good sex- awesome but not what I was hoping for.

Saturday she and a 2 of our children were away during the day and unfortunately for both of us she left her phone. After mentioning in her letter how much she guarded her phone I of course wouldn't let such an opportunity escape and started searching the phone. Also in my letter I had how her college "friend" Jay had been such a detriment to our marriage and lo and behold I found out through her phone that her and Jay have been i-messaging for at least a year and I would say safe to bet longer than that. Since 3 pm yesterday afternoon when I figured this out I have pretty much been wanting to throw up. Not only have they been in contact with each other he has a new number - one of the reasons I didn't catch it- and just to make sure to really hide things my wife had that new number under his farm name and not his actual name- another miss on my part.

Just to drive the stake in a little deeper she proceeded to talk to me that night- unaware of my find that day- how I just can't get past the "issues" and just keep going in circles with all this. Oh and she hadn't talked to Jay so why is he an issue still? She agreed trust was the issue and was doing everything she could do to re-build that trust. So TAM members/posters you have another point of win in your court.

Any newbies to this- read and memorize BS with a long time update. I got a lot out of it and myself have lived a lot of it. I-messaging sucks because it doesn't show up on cell phone logs. True remorse and hard honesty is a must for reconciling at a minimum. Just my input

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post #2 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 12:53 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Are you finally ready to move out of infidelity after so long in false R and her continued lies?
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post #3 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 12:54 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

You are not in R and never were. Her affair never stopped as you've seen. I hope you saved the evidence in a secure place.

I wouldn't say another word just file and have her served. You can't fix this. What are you waiting around for?
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post #4 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:09 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Your wife just learned how to cheat better. Shes pretty smart and she's playing you for a fool. When are you going to start seeing her for who she is?

I just skimmed back through your threads. No marriage works well with another in it. You can't fix her or make her do anything.

Writing long stupid letters pouring your heart out trying to nice her back. At least you got some pity sex but not much more and that's only temporary.

You either have enforceable boundaries or you don't. You're just wasting time/life that you'll never get back.

Read up and go your own way. Get out of the infidelity. Or stay and get more of what you've been getting.
https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf
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post #5 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:12 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

So what's your PLAN?

It sounds as though you've been the only one jumping around like a trained seal, desperate to put this marriage back together while your unremorseful cheater has continued to blow you off again and again. Nothing has changed - she's continued her crap behavior with her boyfriend and has continued showing you nothing but complete disrespect.

So now you know - hiding your head in the sand might feel good because that sand is so nice and warm around your ears, but it certainly isn't beneficial at all in real life.

I think it's time to stop allowing the continued disrespect and get to a lawyer.
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post #6 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:33 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by bremik View Post
There have been talks on here how those "holding out" for love or pinning hopes on reconciliation often end up coming back when the other shoe finally drops. Here I am!

Ironically, I have been trying to talk to my wife since last November and various "now is not a good time" by me or her got me to this past Friday. I decided to write a letter complete with what I loved about her, what I thought was bad about her but was just a part of her personality that I considered and accepted to be a part of who she was. And finally, that her relationship/boundary handling of other males coupled with the lies and deceptions surrounding those relationships was something I could no longer emotionally handle. Hoped for a good talk Friday night and instead got good sex- awesome but not what I was hoping for.

She pacified you with pity sex. She's playing you for a fool.

Saturday she and a 2 of our children were away during the day and unfortunately for both of us she left her phone.

Not unfortunate unless you'd rather have your head buried in the sand.

After mentioning in her letter how much she guarded her phone I of course wouldn't let such an opportunity escape and started searching the phone. Also in my letter I had how her college "friend" Jay had been such a detriment to our marriage and lo and behold I found out through her phone that her and Jay have been i-messaging for at least a year and I would say safe to bet longer than that. Since 3 pm yesterday afternoon when I figured this out I have pretty much been wanting to throw up. Not only have they been in contact with each other he has a new number - one of the reasons I didn't catch it- and just to make sure to really hide things my wife had that new number under his farm name and not his actual name- another miss on my part.

Make no mistake this is and has been a full on physical affair and never stopped

Just to drive the stake in a little deeper she proceeded to talk to me that night- unaware of my find that day- how I just can't get past the "issues" and just keep going in circles with all this. Oh and she hadn't talked to Jay so why is he an issue still? She agreed trust was the issue and was doing everything she could do to re-build that trust. So TAM members/posters you have another point of win in your court.

She's an entitled cheating, liar and will not stop. Apparently long term J means more than you or her marriage. Better get tested for STD's and stay away from that.

Any newbies to this- read and memorize BS with a long time update. I got a lot out of it and myself have lived a lot of it. I-messaging sucks because it doesn't show up on cell phone logs. True remorse and hard honesty is a must for reconciling at a minimum. Just my input
Had you put a VAR in her car like you were advised to do you wouldn't have wasted so much time on this albatross.


I hope you've fully woken up this time
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post #7 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 01:41 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

OP, sorry to hear about your situation. It's not going to get any better for you. Your wife continues to cheat, lie and decieve you. You need to go to a psychologist to get your mind in the right track. Your choice to live in this sham of a marriage.
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post #8 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 02:10 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

The last time (That you knew about J) you in an attempt to manipulate or guilt your wife you slept on the floor??? Cut out that doormatish behavior. Take off your ring and move her ass out of the bedroom. She's doing this not you. Have some respect for yourself.

If you think talking to her more or anything else is going to actually change her look back at the last years of your marriage. History often repeats. You've been coming here since 2009. You really want to be going through more of this?

It's your life. You can only change you.

Wake up!!! It's past time.
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post #9 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 02:12 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Hey man, you have got to realize it's going to hurt to lance a boil, but you've got to do it to get well.
Yes, it'll be hard for a while.
But you will heal mentally, and get out of the misery. You can do this.
Get out of her web of deceit
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post #10 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 04:43 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

You were "officially tired of this" 6 months ago. Can you check back in when you're "really really officially tired of this?" Then we can recommend air mattresses for those nights you sleep on the floor.

She's a liar and narcissist who loves attention from men and knows how to manipulate them, including you. Are you ever going to get serious about this?

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post #11 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 05:14 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

OP,

Join date of 2009. That's now 8 years, most of a decade, you have been here and have known you got a serial cheater on your hands.

All your suffering at this point is your fault, it really is. You won't cut this cancerous person out of your life.

Maybe another 8+ years of suffering will do the trick.


I await your 2024 post.

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."

- Benjamin Franklin
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post #12 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 05:31 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

When you are both in an old folks home you will be posting about how she is messaging jay in his nursing home and you will still be giving her "one final chance".Ask your wife nicely may you please have your balls back and then gtf out of this poisonous relationship.She doesn't give a **** about you or your meaningless ultimations and after all these years you need to realise that.
Some of your heifers have more balls than you.
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post #13 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 05:33 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

You got played. Welcome to the club (I was stupid enough to put up with 30 years of it).

What now?
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post #14 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 05:34 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

Well, in life you make your choices and you live with them. You choose to be in this situation and that's on you. No sympathy.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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post #15 of 504 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 05:39 PM
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Re: How does the sand taste bremik? I told you so.....

2009?

Still texting the guy?

It sounds like your marriage is akin to an old car sitting on cinder blocks in the front yard. We all have seen it or know someone who has one. They always say they are going to restore the thing or call the towing company and get rid of it.

Next thing you know there is a tree growing thru it and a raccoon has nested in the back seat.
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