Why is your self confidence affected? Your H broke your trust, betrayed his own honor, broke solemn vows indicating his word is worthless and it is you that has lost confidence in yourself? What confidence exactly? In your ability to attract/hold a man? Your H is a poor example of manhood and therefore not an accurate gauge for this measurement. You are not using sound data to compile your results. You are honorable, trustworthy and have integrity, how does that in any way indicate a reason for losing confidence?
What you have lost are your rose colored glasses that allowed you to believe that being honorable, loyal and having integrity prevents others from losing. or never having to begin with, theirs. It is your H that should be insecure in that it is only out of the generosity of your good nature that he and you are still together. He has the ability to attract other women but of what caliber? He only has a woman of your high character because of that very character and your propensity to try and empathize and understand. It is he that is on very thin ice, do not let him skate too much.
No Choice is correct. Your confidence should not hinge on your H's fidelity. His choice to cheat is on him and is a reflection of his character and his values - not yours.
The analogy of death here has some merit.
Sit down and think about what you would do if your H were to get suddenly killed in a car wreck on his way home from work. What would you do?
There would be the initial shock and horror. There would be grief. There would be the work and labor of making all the arrangements and having the funeral etc. Then there would be the arduous task of working out all the mechanics of daily living and the financials and the day to day tasks of getting back to daily living under the new normal.
In time you would be living as a single woman, taking care of yourself and your family and taking care of business. You would start getting out and doing things with friends and family. You would shift your thought processes from 'We' to 'Me.'
And you would start taking care of yourself, dressing better, eating better, getting some exercise/hitting gym, indulging in hobbies and getting out with friends and family etc.
And in time you would start catching the eyes of various gentlemen and in time dating etc.
Somewhere in there whether it was weeks, months or even a year or so, you would realize that life was good and you felt content and happy and confident etc.
You may always feel some grief and sadness in what was lost, but you moved on a created a new life that was fulfilling and fun and joyful and content inspite of all of the ups and downs of living.
It's not like you went to a store and bought it, or that you got online and ordered it and it's not like you went to a shrink or a clergy and they bestowed it upon you.
It is that you engaged in daily living, took care of business and took care of yourself. THAT is where actual confidence comes from.
You don't get confidence from your spouse's fidelity. There for a spouse's infidelity cannot destroy it.
You get confidence from taking care of yourself and taking care of the business of your life and doing things that are beneficial to you.
There for the name of the game here with this situation is do the same thing here. Start taking care of yourself and start taking care of your business and doing things with your life that are beneficial to YOU. Start living life as if you were a single woman/single mother and start doing things for YOU.
As you start taking more and more responsibility for yourself and your own well being, your confidence will come.
If your husband actually is a decent man and supports that and works with you and works with you to create a beneficial and positive life for the two of you, then you may decide to keep him around inspite of his previous bad behavior.
BUT, if he continues to cheat or mistreats you in any way or hampers or detracts from you taking care of yourself, then you'll have the strength and confidence and resources to walk away and leave him behind.
Dealing with the death of a spouse and dealing with mistreatment by a spouse are one in the same.