Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 11:16 PM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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@drifting on
I have so many things to say in response to your post. But because it is late where I am (and I tend to get even wordier when tired), I am going to limit myself tonight to this-

The call to look critically inward at ourselves. I've seen it before in your posts elsewhere. It speaks to me, even though I resent the circumstances of hearing it so much. It is so easy to say - I am the betrayed spouse. I should not have to change. I am just fine as I am. Why should I (the one who has been wronged) have to go through even the tiniest bit of additional pain? To have to acknowledge that just as he has damaged me, so I have damaged my husband many times in our years together. It may not have been via the same mechanism, but pain is pain. And if we are to build a better and stronger marriage, then I also have to re-make myself better and stronger too.

Thank you. I am so glad that you posted on this thread - your words are very wise and thought-provoking.


Wise and thought provoking?? Lol!! I'm kidding, thank you for the kind words. For me, six months from d-day I knew I could live with or without my wife. It was imperative that I knew this, for this gave me the strength to offer reconciliation. What also helped is seeing the remorse from my wife, and to be honest, it shows more now then ever. My wife is a person with pride, not overly so, the correct amount that everyone loved about her. When it came to her affair she had zero pride and one hundred percent humility. In fact her honesty was returning at that time too.

During the first six months I felt so many emotions I couldn't possibly list them all. I too, felt that I was not the one who did anything wrong. Then MY flaws began to emerge in my mind, I wasn't perfect, I did things that adversely affected the marriage also. I don't think I deserved to be cheated on, but the marriage faults were half my fault. This is a very difficult realization to accept when you are in so much pain. Add in some other nuances that infidelity brings and it makes it even more difficult to accept. But, I had to own my own shot so to speak.

As those six months began to move by I also realized that cheaters are sometimes not bad people, but instead made a very bad choice and series of choices. It's how that person responds that is important. I can't guarantee my wife will not cheat again, but judging from what she has shown me, I highly doubt it would ever cross her mind. Boundaries are something that she learned and lives by. She has been in IC fixing shat was broken in her as I am in IC to fix what is broken in me.

In high school our freshman hockey team went undefeated, a perfect season, with person who were not perfect. My wife not I are perfect, but as a couple, we can be perfect for each other if we do the hard work. Now I'm sure you can understand that when you choose to reconcile some will say how unwise that is. That the person who cheated showed you their true self, that they have some sort of character flaw that destroys. I don't think that is true in every case, I feel people can change for the better. In reality my wife changed for the worse when she had her affair.

My approach to reconciliation came from a place of strength, but many may say it wasn't. The thing is I know me, I know I could have left and been healthy, and that all came after I accepted the affair. I'm definitely not happy about the affair, but that doesn't mean I didn't accept that the affair happened. It was much harder to accept the paternity, no lies there! Once I accepted the affair I could begin my own healing, build my self esteem, become that stronger man I thought I once was. This takes time, you don't just rush into thinking you can forgive. Forgiving is such a critical factor in moving forward in my opinion. You also have to learn to not live in the past, don't look in the rear view mirror or you lose sight of moving forward. Don't forget the past, but heal yourself and then move forward.

I'm not a supporter of reconciliation or divorce, I'm a person who will support the OP unless they are showing to not think about what happened to them. These are the posters who are in shock of what happened and disbelief that they can't find an answer. Your choices must come from your brain, your heart is not to be involved. Your brain makes the logical choice, your heart makes emotional choices.

I hope in some way I have helped you to move forward. Many posters here helped me in my time of need. If you ever need anything you can pm me for help or just to vent. Infidelity is devastating, I know as most others do, and it's very easy to get confused.


Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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post #32 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 11:35 PM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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This is super helpful, thank you so much for sharing x


Thank you for the kind words, I hope that what I have gone through can help others. If you have any questions just pm me and I'll do my best to help.

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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post #33 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 03:10 AM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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Wise and thought provoking?? Lol!! I'm kidding, thank you for the kind words. For me, six months from d-day I knew I could live with or without my wife. It was imperative that I knew this, for this gave me the strength to offer reconciliation. What also helped is seeing the remorse from my wife, and to be honest, it shows more now then ever. My wife is a person with pride, not overly so, the correct amount that everyone loved about her. When it came to her affair she had zero pride and one hundred percent humility. In fact her honesty was returning at that time too.

During the first six months I felt so many emotions I couldn't possibly list them all. I too, felt that I was not the one who did anything wrong. Then MY flaws began to emerge in my mind, I wasn't perfect, I did things that adversely affected the marriage also. I don't think I deserved to be cheated on, but the marriage faults were half my fault. This is a very difficult realization to accept when you are in so much pain. Add in some other nuances that infidelity brings and it makes it even more difficult to accept. But, I had to own my own shot so to speak.

As those six months began to move by I also realized that cheaters are sometimes not bad people, but instead made a very bad choice and series of choices. It's how that person responds that is important. I can't guarantee my wife will not cheat again, but judging from what she has shown me, I highly doubt it would ever cross her mind. Boundaries are something that she learned and lives by. She has been in IC fixing shat was broken in her as I am in IC to fix what is broken in me.

In high school our freshman hockey team went undefeated, a perfect season, with person who were not perfect. My wife not I are perfect, but as a couple, we can be perfect for each other if we do the hard work. Now I'm sure you can understand that when you choose to reconcile some will say how unwise that is. That the person who cheated showed you their true self, that they have some sort of character flaw that destroys. I don't think that is true in every case, I feel people can change for the better. In reality my wife changed for the worse when she had her affair.

My approach to reconciliation came from a place of strength, but many may say it wasn't. The thing is I know me, I know I could have left and been healthy, and that all came after I accepted the affair. I'm definitely not happy about the affair, but that doesn't mean I didn't accept that the affair happened. It was much harder to accept the paternity, no lies there! Once I accepted the affair I could begin my own healing, build my self esteem, become that stronger man I thought I once was. This takes time, you don't just rush into thinking you can forgive. Forgiving is such a critical factor in moving forward in my opinion. You also have to learn to not live in the past, don't look in the rear view mirror or you lose sight of moving forward. Don't forget the past, but heal yourself and then move forward.

I'm not a supporter of reconciliation or divorce, I'm a person who will support the OP unless they are showing to not think about what happened to them. These are the posters who are in shock of what happened and disbelief that they can't find an answer. Your choices must come from your brain, your heart is not to be involved. Your brain makes the logical choice, your heart makes emotional choices.

I hope in some way I have helped you to move forward. Many posters here helped me in my time of need. If you ever need anything you can pm me for help or just to vent. Infidelity is devastating, I know as most others do, and it's very easy to get confused.
Very helpful thank you 😊
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post #34 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 05:50 AM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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Don't minimize your feelings. As much as the word "trigger" has been abused by pop-culture lately I absolutely think they are valid, painful, and deserving of respect.

All sorts of things trigger me -- there's half a dozen stores and restaurants I won't set foot in any more. Mint chapstick -- right out. The list goes on. And you know what? It's valid!

It reminds me in a split second of the worst emotional pain I've ever experienced.

You're absolutely allowed to call those things out. And I certainly hope he's not trying to tell you you're overreacting.

You're two weeks into this. You're right in the middle of the crap. That great sex is going to fade soon, and the anger is going to start to bubble up. In other words, your compass is still spinning. I wouldn't commit to anything either way until it calms down -- then again, I'm terrible at all this so take my advice with a grain of salt.

I can't really tell you if reconciliation works. I'm not only not sure I'm doing it right, or doing it all, it's only been five months.

Everyone I've ever talked to about this has said that the process takes YEARS to recover from. So take it one step at a time.

Oh, and if you're not already get in to see someone -- a therapist, counselor, whatever (I would personally avoid religious counsel as it seems there's a bias towards "forgive and forget" instead of "remorse and work through" but that's just me). Good luck lady -- tough road ahead, be strong!
Today is s tricky day, sometimes my heart starts racing and I feel panic setting in, I can usually bring myself out of it, I also have no idea what starts it's. Yes I definitely feel right in the middle of it. I lay awake or just start staring into space, like an awful dream. I feel like I don't know who I am now or were I belong or who do I belong too, I'm lost. Just clinging onto one normal moment to the next. I've never felt so broken. Currently arranging counselling around my husbands work rota. We start next week, none religious. 😢
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post #35 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 07:13 AM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

My advice. Don't try reconciliation. It's a life killer and will push you to the edge of sanity.
After 15 years of trying reconciliation I have come back here looking for answers.
The best I've gotten so far is to leave the marriage.
But like I said before I have no idea how a BW deals with it.
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post #36 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:38 AM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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Today is s tricky day, sometimes my heart starts racing and I feel panic setting in, I can usually bring myself out of it, I also have no idea what starts it's. Yes I definitely feel right in the middle of it. I lay awake or just start staring into space, like an awful dream. I feel like I don't know who I am now or were I belong or who do I belong too, I'm lost. Just clinging onto one normal moment to the next. I've never felt so broken. Currently arranging counselling around my husbands work rota. We start next week, none religious. 😢



You are fairly early in to infidelity as you only found out roughly a month ago. Your emotions are on a roller coaster that you can't get off of. Feelings and emotions are fleeting, thoughts are racing, and you are devastated and destroyed. The beliefs you had your entire life are now gone, you can sit with numerous friends and family, yet you feel alone. You have no direction in which to move and currently reside in a dark room not really wanting human contact.

Right now nothing makes much sense to you and trying to rationalize something is very difficult. Truth is you are in shock, your brain was injured and in self protection mode. During this time your brain doesn't work as before to keep from being injured more. At this point I would start IC, find someone who is specialized in infidelity. Choose this person wisely as I do think some therapists can do more harm then good. If you don't like the fit with who you select find another.

If I were you I wouldn't decide between divorce and reconciliation for six months. Not to stay in limbo, but to get yourself to a healthier point to make a better decision. Entering reconciliation needs to come from a position of strength, and sadly I don't think you are there yet. Not by your fault at all, but your brain is still in shock and not working as it should. How do you try to fix yourself or care for others when you yourself are in such a broken state? Answer is it can't be done at this time.

Once the feeling of shock wears off the disbelief begins to set in. Obviously we enter marriage not thinking of cheating or being cheated on, but it can happen. When the disbelief begins to wear off the bonding starts, you don't want your spouse to leave your side, the hysterical bonding in full swing. Here is where you need to be careful, rug sweeping can easily form and then reconciliation has no chance. After six months you will be in a much better situation to decide divorce or reconciliation. You will begin to know if you can accept the affair(s) and move forward from there. Since six months has gone by you are now on a path to recovery, for you, and can now better work on your marriage if you decide to.

The beginning is very scary and paralyzing, reeling backwards is so easy to do. Find a friend or family member to confide in so you have someone who can both watch you and be an outlet for you. I feel for you in your situation, I remember it like yesterday when I was in your position. Don't give up, get help, and stay strong.

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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post #37 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 12:08 PM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

We are just over 7 years out from the first D day and I hardly ever think about it any more. It's taken a **** ton of hard work, more by him than me, but things are really good now. We have a 'normal' marriage with it's ups and downs, and today I trust him more than I could ever trust someone new.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #38 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 01:30 PM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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We are just over 7 years out from the first D day and I hardly ever think about it any more. It's taken a **** ton of hard work, more by him than me, but things are really good now. We have a 'normal' marriage with it's ups and downs, and today I trust him more than I could ever trust someone new.


You are a strong person for overcoming more then one d-day. I tip my hat to you for having strength to reconcile. When the paternity of the boys was revealed two days after d-day, well that about killed me. Having more then one d-day, I can't imagine the strength you had to exude to move forward. God bless.

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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post #39 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 04:34 PM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

You are fairly early in to infidelity as you only found out roughly a month ago. Your emotions are on a roller coaster that you can't get off of. Feelings and emotions are fleeting, thoughts are racing, and you are devastated and destroyed. The beliefs you had your entire life are now gone, you can sit with numerous friends and family, yet you feel alone. You have no direction in which to move and currently reside in a dark room not really wanting human contact.

Yup, this is exactly today/night. Physical pain would be preferable over this. It's so super painful, images racing through my head, then I feel again the pain that he choose to do this to me, he choose those people over all our love over everything he promised me on our wedding day. I remember him saying right in the middle of these moments of infidelity, that he never wanted to hurt me or me to be hurt ever again because of my past, he then had a beautiful tattoo of our wedding date visible on his neck. All of this while he was arranging oral sex with men. I just don't understand, it's so hard to comprehend this is the same man.
Our counselling starts next week, I really hope to feel some kind of new hope through it. Tonight my entirety feels shattered. Sorry for harping on. I just needed to blast off a little.
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post #40 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 04:43 PM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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This is my stumbling block - So I don't know if reconciliation will work for me as I cannot get a concrete explanation from my spouse.
There is no deep answer. They did it because they wanted to. At the time your safety and loyalty and maybe even their love for you were not enough to keep them from going for the feelings that they craved, whether emotional or physical. Don't be one of these BS who spend years tortured by this question because I just gave you the best one you are ever going to get. If it was something else then everyone who goes through the same thing whether broken home, childhood abuse, bad marriage, sexless marriage would do it. They don't. Cheating is a direct result of poor character that allows people to do very hurtful destructive things to people who they love and love them. That's really it. That is the difference then the guy in a sexless marriage who cheats and the guy who doesn't.

The choose themselves over you. People do ****ty things. You really must face it head on and then decide if they are worth the risk and if you are sure enough that they won't do it again.

There is no happiness in trying to avoid this awful truth. Looking for another answer is a goose chase. Even if he were to say, my Mom never loved me your next question would be, well why do some people whose Mom never loved them not cheat.


Last edited by sokillme; 04-06-2017 at 04:59 PM.
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post #41 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 05:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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Today is s tricky day, sometimes my heart starts racing and I feel panic setting in, I can usually bring myself out of it, I also have no idea what starts it's. Yes I definitely feel right in the middle of it. I lay awake or just start staring into space, like an awful dream. I feel like I don't know who I am now or were I belong or who do I belong too, I'm lost. Just clinging onto one normal moment to the next. I've never felt so broken. Currently arranging counselling around my husbands work rota. We start next week, none religious. 😢
Youngwife - I'm not sure if it helps to know this, but I felt very similar feelings in the early months after I found out. Sometimes I still get ... I suppose you could call them aftershocks. That feeling of panic. The laying in bed and staring into space. (Wondering where some of those strange marks on the ceiling come from?) I sometimes used to imagine that it was because my mind and heart were busy processing things underneath the surface, analysing whatever my new "normal" was going to be. It's OK to feel like you don't know what or how or who - your whole life's framework has been shaken up.

For me, the way forward ... and a clearer path of how to get there came slowly. I'd think something for a while and then abandon it. (We'll stay together, but live platonically. No, we'll have an open marriage. No, I want everything back as it was ... only I can't (that one hurts the worst.)) If you are able to go to individual counselling as well, I'd really recommend that. I'm not sure that it's possible to overdose on therapy. MC is about treating your marriage - in this case, as it is affected by your husband's infidelity. You've also got a bunch of stuff that you need to work through internally for yourself. If you can't go to therapy for that, are you talking to anyone that you trust to have your best interests at heart?

Thinking of you. It does get easier, I promise.

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more. ― C.S. Lewis

FINE PRINT: My post is simply my own opinion (unless indicated otherwise). Which I believe I am entitled to express, as best as I can.
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post #42 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 06:49 PM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

I am more of a lurker on TAM but I am a betrayed wife who has been in R for...4 years now, if I'm remembering correctly. I don't actually remember the dates of my d-days anymore.

It can be done!

I think a really, really big part of what made our R successful was my focus on self-improvement/self-empowerment. I went back to college, established myself in a well-paying career, competed in a few figure shows and powerlifting meets, got involved in local politics, etc. Now I know that if he cheats again, I'll be just fine. It's a very empowering, safe feeling.


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post #43 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 07:57 PM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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I am more of a lurker on TAM but I am a betrayed wife who has been in R for...4 years now, if I'm remembering correctly. I don't actually remember the dates of my d-days anymore.

It can be done!

I think a really, really big part of what made our R successful was my focus on self-improvement/self-empowerment. I went back to college, established myself in a well-paying career, competed in a few figure shows and powerlifting meets, got involved in local politics, etc. Now I know that if he cheats again, I'll be just fine. It's a very empowering, safe feeling.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


QFT

This is the point you know that you can move forward, when you know you will be ok without the marriage and your spouse. Once you know this a weight is removed from your shoulders, the ropes holding you down frayed and torn off. Your healing receives such a positive boost to move forward.

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
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post #44 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 02:31 AM
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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Youngwife - I'm not sure if it helps to know this, but I felt very similar feelings in the early months after I found out. Sometimes I still get ... I suppose you could call them aftershocks. That feeling of panic. The laying in bed and staring into space. (Wondering where some of those strange marks on the ceiling come from?) I sometimes used to imagine that it was because my mind and heart were busy processing things underneath the surface, analysing whatever my new "normal" was going to be. It's OK to feel like you don't know what or how or who - your whole life's framework has been shaken up.

For me, the way forward ... and a clearer path of how to get there came slowly. I'd think something for a while and then abandon it. (We'll stay together, but live platonically. No, we'll have an open marriage. No, I want everything back as it was ... only I can't (that one hurts the worst.)) If you are able to go to individual counselling as well, I'd really recommend that. I'm not sure that it's possible to overdose on therapy. MC is about treating your marriage - in this case, as it is affected by your husband's infidelity. You've also got a bunch of stuff that you need to work through internally for yourself. If you can't go to therapy for that, are you talking to anyone that you trust to have your best interests at heart?

Thinking of you. It does get easier, I promise.
Thank you so so much, honestly thank you for your words, this helps lots.
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post #45 of 131 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 02:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

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This is my stumbling block - So I don't know if reconciliation will work for me as I cannot get a concrete explanation from my spouse.
DepressedDiva, I agree with @sokillme on part of this - that there isn't a good reason for an affair. It is possible to unpack the circumstances under which it happened, but really, it doesn't explain the cheating itself, just maybe the how or why it happened then. The reality is that infidelity is neither logical nor fair. IMO, even in the most unhappy marriages there is always a fairer, more moral way to deal with ... whatever the affair might get blamed on.

I do disagree with sokillme about cheating being unique to people of "poor character". To me that's too easy an explanation. I believe that, under the wrong circumstances, we're all capable of cheating. I also believe that people can grow and change. I have done things in my life that have hurt people. Many of them, I would not do again - because I have understood the consequences of my actions, because living with the hurt I caused is truly awful. Living with the damage to myself caused by those same actions has also been awful. And I do believe that about my husband as well. He is a second offender because he didn't have to live with the consequences the first time - because I politely hid my pain and anger under the carpet. And because he got to do the same with his guilt and shame.

For me deciding whether I wanted to try reconciling, boiled down to looking at the value of my marriage to me. Yes, it wasn't perfect. Yes, my husband has hurt me very badly. But if I put the affair to one side, and considered the relationship without it as objectively as I could. To me, was it worth trying to save?

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more. ― C.S. Lewis

FINE PRINT: My post is simply my own opinion (unless indicated otherwise). Which I believe I am entitled to express, as best as I can.
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