Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 175Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 05:41 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Mizzbak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 131
Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Are there any other BS's here in CWI who are also trying reconciliation, who would like to share some of their thoughts/feelings/frustrations?

Reconciliation after infidelity is one of the most difficult things that I've tried to do. But, I'm also comfortable (most of the time) that I've made the right decision to try. I guess I'm asking whether anyone else might like to share any part of their journey? The intention would be to be open about what we're going through, so that we don't feel quite so alone.

So, to introduce myself
I joined TAM last year, after finding out about my husband's second affair (the first happened more than 10 years ago, and was rugswept by both of us). I have been "lucky" in that I found out about both affairs when they were already over, so I never dealt with an unrepentant WS. I suspect that I would not handle this well. (I still feel such a sense of unreality when I type/write the words "my husband's affair".) Whilst his more recent affair did get physical, as well as emotional, he has not been sexually unfaithful to me. I found the advice that I got here at CWI to be very useful in that it spurred me on to DO something, rather than just wallow in misery and angst. My husband had a polygraph to confirm his claim that he had not had sex with his AP. We're several months of counselling in (both individual and marriage), and I am hopeful that our marriage will survive this.

Why I chose reconciliation over divorce
We have two, youngish children and a large number of practical considerations that have weighted things in favour of trying reconciliation. But the dominant factor is that I love my husband (and believe that he loves me), however imperfectly that might be. My husband was genuinely remorseful and also wanted to try to save our marriage and took action to do so. For me, my marriage without the affair in it, is a good one. I did seriously consider divorce.

My current biggest concerns
For a long while, I battled to understand how my husband could say that he loved me (even during the affair) and still seek out another woman. I have come to understand that the feelings that we have for each other are incredibly complex - that love, resentment, pride, pain are all part of the soup that I feel when I think of him. And that he feels a similar soup in return. I am very much of the "love is a decision" school, and he is a far more romantic soul. I think that this was one of the greatest weaknesses of our relationship - I hadn't realised how much he interpreted this as the apparent absence of romantic love on my part.

It is still difficult to reconcile my husband (as a hands-on father with a strong sense of duty and responsibility) with a man who could behave the way he did. I think that I have largely forgiven him for his actions, but the reality of learning to trust him again is challenging. I don't think he is having an affair now, but I still sometimes track him via his phone and emails/messages etc. The need to do this has shrunk a lot, but I think that it will be with me for some time to come. I still get triggers from some of the oddest things (I thought of starting a thread titled "Your strangest trigger").

On the plus side, my husband and I are far more honest with one another than we have ever been before. Because the stakes are very high, he is trying very hard to reach out to me. In the past, I would have said that I drove the more emotional aspects of our intimacy. Now, this comes from both of us. The increased closeness can be very uncomfortable and we have been having a lot of painful discussions. But now I feel apart from him when we haven't had an intimate conversation in more than a couple of days. And I think that is a good thing.


I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.
― C.S. Lewis
Mizzbak is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 05:52 PM
Member
 
stixx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 261
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizzbak View Post
I joined TAM last year, after finding out about my husband's second affair (the first happened more than 10 years ago, and was rugswept by both of us). I have been "lucky" in that I found out about both affairs when they were already over
Your husband cheated on you with at least 2 different women (that you know of), over a 10+ year period. That's a really bad form of serial cheating- it's the type that just doesn't go away. Did he come clean on his own or did you find evidence and confronted him? Because if it was the latter, it's bad. Really bad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizzbak View Post
My husband had a polygraph to confirm his claim that he had not had sex with his AP.
You say he had a poly to confirm his statements..polygraphs are notoriously unreliable yet you don't say anything about doubting the results.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizzbak View Post
For a long while, I battled to understand how my husband could say that he loved me (even during the affair) and still seek out another woman. I have come to understand that the feelings that we have for each other are incredibly complex
He cheated on you at least twice over the course of a decade or longer with at least two different women, but you say that "doesn't mean he doesn't love you"- because it's a "complex sort of love" that he has, which results in him cheating on you multiple times over a decade or longer.

Who needs that sort of complexity? I sure don't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizzbak View Post
On the plus side, my husband and I are far more honest with one another than we have ever been before.
Well considering how low the bar was before, it's not hard to improve on it.
stixx is offline  
post #3 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 06:36 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Mizzbak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 131
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

@stixx - thank you for your response. I appreciate that you took the time to engage with me.

I'd like to make it clear that, for me, this thread is not about defending my choice to reconcile. I am sharing some of the challenges that I have and am facing in this process, because I hope that others in a similar situation may find it helpful and also might choose to share experiences that I might find helpful.

May I ask whether you have experienced infidelity personally? And whether you and your spouse have always been uncompromisingly honest and forthright with one another? In my experience, some lies are an integral part of human interaction; and most especially of marriage. This would not be the case in an ideal world, of course.

(I will try to briefly address your questions here, but if you would like to have a more extended discussion around any of these issues, then please feel free to head over to my original thread for that.)
My husband's first affair was an online relationship that comprised 7 email exchanges after we were married. By the time I found them, I had had our first child and he had not communicated with her for more than a year. I found them hurtful because they were initially relatively sentimental/romantic (although he did write about being happy with his choice of me as his wife) and because he had misled me about the extent of their relationship before we got married, and continued intermittent electronic contact with her during our engagement and early months of our marriage. I found out hints of the second affair from the OW's husband, but my husband came clean about the far more extensive details on his own. I believe that he did this with a reasonable expectation of getting away with me knowing a far, far milder version of the truth.

I discuss my feelings about the polygraph on my initial thread, but in short, I saw it as further, rather than sole, evidence of him telling the truth about the nature of his relationship.

As to the "complex feelings" point - there is a quote from a book by Frank Pittman that I have referenced here on TAM before, which answers this point more effectively than I can. (And I found it again!)
Quote:
Myth #3. Affairs prove that love has gone from the marriage.

The reasons for affairs are rich and varied. Most of the reasons have to do with the ego state of the person having the affair rather than the person against whom the infidelity is being committed. ...

Even if someone did not love the spouse, an infidelity would be a rather complicated and indirect way to say so, and an inefficient way to approach the problems in the marriage. The feelings one spouse has for another are complicated from the beginning. The degree of complexity of the emotions in long-standing marriages is staggering. To reduce this complexity to a question as adolescent as the presence or absence of "love" is idiocy of the highest order. That question is best left to the petals of daisies.

Everyone involved... must recognize that marriage abounds in love, hate, lust, disgust, envy, guilt, pity, admiration, dependency, fear, and all other emotions known and unknown.

from Private lies : infidelity and the betrayal of intimacy by Frank Pittman (chapter 2, titled "Some myths about infidelity")
And finally - perhaps some people get to have simple, uncomplicated lives. Both sadly and happily for me, I do not appear to be one of them.

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.
― C.S. Lewis
Mizzbak is offline  
 
post #4 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:23 PM
Member
 
Quality's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 289
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
You used the word support, but the thing is lots of us on here think telling you to get the hell away from a serial cheater is the best support we can give you. I think you would do better to post this on SI. They are much more inclined over there to encourage you to live out the rest of your life with your abuser.
So says ANOTHER poster that's never experienced infidelity yet posting telling betrayed spouses "to get the hell away from a serial cheater" while hypocritically continuing to love and maintain a relationship with his very own cheating father.

"TRYING" to reconcile is the best way to either figure out whether you should actually get divorced or not. MOST betrayed spouses are dead set on TRYING anyway so it's much better to meet them where they are at and get them to TAKE ACTIONS {versus rugsweeping} to insure if they do go down the path reconciliation {as so many successfully do} they do it the right way and in so doing, if the wayward spouse proves unable or unwilling to walk such path, to THEN, actually recognize divorce as the best and only option in that particular situation.

I wish I could say everything in one word. I hate all the things that can happen between the beginning of a sentence and the end. ~ Leonard Cohen
Quality is offline  
post #5 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:56 PM
TBT
Member
 
TBT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,424
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

@Mizzbak Hope you find the support you need. If you haven't already,please have a look at this thread... Reconciliation... It's older and quite long with a mix of posters with lots of problems faced,suggestions/feedback etc. Some of the posters may still be around,I'm not sure. @EI still posts here on occasion and maybe if she sees this,she will comment.

You'll obviously have some naysayers,but it's your life and marriage,so your decision. I wish you well.

"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
TBT is offline  
post #6 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:53 PM
Registered User
 
DepressedDiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: East coast
Posts: 18
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
You used the word support, but the thing is lots of us on here think telling you to get the hell away from a serial cheater is the best support we can give you. I think you would do better to post this on SI. They are much more inclined over there to encourage you to live out the rest of your life with your abuser.
And yet the OP has clearly stated that the thread is for supporting reconciliation. Obviously you've been very vocal about your views, why jump on a thread for supporting reconciliation?!
I'm sure (I know) you've had many times to express yourself to the OP (and others) here 😐

Anyways, I am still on the fence, I cannot decide whether I want to divorce or reconcile and I keep looking for good arguments for divorce OR for reconciliation. I find that on TAM divorce seems to be the popular recommendation to betrayed spouses, and I refuse any christian based reasoning for reconciliation (even tho we're both christian's)

I truly hate the reasoning that 'oh ya'll should stay together because of Jesus ' 😕 I mean the wayward spouses weren't thinking about Jesus........
DepressedDiva is offline  
post #7 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:57 PM
Member
 
TaDor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,238
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizzbak View Post
I found out hints of the second affair from the OW's husband, but my husband came clean about the far more extensive details on his own. I believe that he did this with a reasonable expectation of getting away with me knowing a far, far milder version of the truth.
This is why the BS is supposed to expose the affair as one of the best ways to help break up an affair. It would be neat if the OW's husband got advice from here. If he didn't find out about his cheating wife, then Mizzbak would not have known about this current affair. With her husband saying he wanted back... Follows the typical actions of cheating men.

Makes me think that when the stats say that most affairs are never caught... It's mostly men who get away with it while the cheating women get emotional with their extramarital sex which spills into their own marriage.

Your husband still came clean when he got busted by someone else. I too doubt he's only cheated with this one woman recently.

R is a challenge... Almost a year into mine... I know I have a ways to go.
TaDor is offline  
post #8 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 10:14 PM
Registered User
 
DepressedDiva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: East coast
Posts: 18
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
Jesus specifically says you can divorce a cheater. And in Jesus' time adultery was punished by stoning.
True statement, LOL. But it's still not a view supporting reconciliation 😕😐
DepressedDiva is offline  
post #9 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 10:19 PM
Member
 
Seasong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 242
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

It wasn't always like this. Good grief. TAM has a reconciliation forum that got great replies as well as this place if the person said that's what they wanted! But it's a ghost town now. She wanted like minded reconcilers like herself to post. Nobody should be chased away to si, whatever that is.

If this isn't for you, move along. Don't argue the same things over and over! Open your own thread for debate! She wants support!



OP, I wasn't here when my first marriage went south. I left, didn't look back. Doesn't mean I don't think reconciliation doesn't work! In the real world it does all the time! I wish the best for you!
Seasong is offline  
post #10 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 11:43 PM
Member
 
Quality's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 289
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
This is why I suggested SI. R seems to be the point of that site.
Not true ~~~ survival is their only "point" which basically encourages posters to DO NOTHING and just "survive infidelity".

It is NOT a reconciliation forum. Nobody actually recovers a loving wonderful marriage there that I've witnessed.

It was started by a wayward wife with the intent of soothing her own ears.

If posters push reconciliation too hard, they get the hammer too, because they might make the divorced people there feel bad.

Glad to see some other reconciled posters coming back to oppose this reconciliation denial that's been going on. Some of it is just cyclical with some upset strong willed divorced posters coming back to "save" other guys/gals from going through what they endured believing the misplaced hope they had for their situations is a universal principle {which from their perspective, is understandable} but then there are the agenda posters that keep coming back again and again on multiple sites. SI and Loveshack don't put up with them for more than a couple of posts and so they're stuck whipping themselves into frenzies on CL {while denying she was a wayward wife herself in her first marriage} and a coming here again and again to try an convince newbies there is supposedly no such thing as reconciliation.

The theory that reconciliation is a myth only takes ONE recovery to disprove {but it's nice when there are more around as long as you handle the blowback, constant psychoanalysis and insults trying to get you to leave}

BTW, I'm NOT pro-reconciliation at all costs. it's either repentance followed by a restoration PLUS {better than before marriage}~~ in time {give it a solid "try" of 3 to 12 months} or take your biblical option to divorce. If it's a short marriage and/or there are no kids, repentance better be real quick or divorce is generally my recommendation there too. Christians are called to forgive but we don't have to stay in the relationship if we don't choose to.

Oh, and the stoning of WIVES {not husbands} and their paramours for adultery wasn't universally applied in Jewish law.


I wish I could say everything in one word. I hate all the things that can happen between the beginning of a sentence and the end. ~ Leonard Cohen
Quality is offline  
post #11 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:56 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,195
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Depending on which study you read, 50% - 85% of marriages in which a spouse cheats (and the BS knows about it) recover from the infidelity.

I know couples who have recovered their marriage after infidelity and are still together, and doing very well years later.

IMHO, reconciliation is worth trying if both parties are willing to work on it.

I definitely would like to see more support for those who are working on reconciliation here on TAM.
EleGirl is online now  
post #12 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:57 AM
Member
 
BURNT KEP's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 207
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizzbak View Post
Are there any other BS's here in CWI who are also trying reconciliation, who would like to share some of their thoughts/feelings/frustrations?

Reconciliation after infidelity is one of the most difficult things that I've tried to do. But, I'm also comfortable (most of the time) that I've made the right decision to try. I guess I'm asking whether anyone else might like to share any part of their journey? The intention would be to be open about what we're going through, so that we don't feel quite so alone.

So, to introduce myself
I joined TAM last year, after finding out about my husband's second affair (the first happened more than 10 years ago, and was rugswept by both of us). I have been "lucky" in that I found out about both affairs when they were already over, so I never dealt with an unrepentant WS. I suspect that I would not handle this well. (I still feel such a sense of unreality when I type/write the words "my husband's affair".) Whilst his more recent affair did get physical, as well as emotional, he has not been sexually unfaithful to me. I found the advice that I got here at CWI to be very useful in that it spurred me on to DO something, rather than just wallow in misery and angst. My husband had a polygraph to confirm his claim that he had not had sex with his AP. We're several months of counselling in (both individual and marriage), and I am hopeful that our marriage will survive this.

Why I chose reconciliation over divorce
We have two, youngish children and a large number of practical considerations that have weighted things in favour of trying reconciliation. But the dominant factor is that I love my husband (and believe that he loves me), however imperfectly that might be. My husband was genuinely remorseful and also wanted to try to save our marriage and took action to do so. For me, my marriage without the affair in it, is a good one. I did seriously consider divorce.

My current biggest concerns
For a long while, I battled to understand how my husband could say that he loved me (even during the affair) and still seek out another woman. I have come to understand that the feelings that we have for each other are incredibly complex - that love, resentment, pride, pain are all part of the soup that I feel when I think of him. And that he feels a similar soup in return. I am very much of the "love is a decision" school, and he is a far more romantic soul. I think that this was one of the greatest weaknesses of our relationship - I hadn't realised how much he interpreted this as the apparent absence of romantic love on my part.

It is still difficult to reconcile my husband (as a hands-on father with a strong sense of duty and responsibility) with a man who could behave the way he did. I think that I have largely forgiven him for his actions, but the reality of learning to trust him again is challenging. I don't think he is having an affair now, but I still sometimes track him via his phone and emails/messages etc. The need to do this has shrunk a lot, but I think that it will be with me for some time to come. I still get triggers from some of the oddest things (I thought of starting a thread titled "Your strangest trigger").

On the plus side, my husband and I are far more honest with one another than we have ever been before. Because the stakes are very high, he is trying very hard to reach out to me. In the past, I would have said that I drove the more emotional aspects of our intimacy. Now, this comes from both of us. The increased closeness can be very uncomfortable and we have been having a lot of painful discussions. But now I feel apart from him when we haven't had an intimate conversation in more than a couple of days. And I think that is a good thing.
I was cheated on by my WW and I am still married. If I knew then what I know now I would have left but like you I have kids and probably the fear of divorce kept me there.
BURNT KEP is offline  
post #13 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 07:29 AM
Member
 
Quality's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 289
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post


Also the scripture says stone both, not just wives.
"Both", there, generally refers to the wife and her paramour {the OM}.

Unlawful intercourse of a married man with an unmarried woman wasn't technically "adultery" under Jewish law so, no, unfaithful husband's were very rarely the subject to stoning.

But the law's enforcement and rules differed greatly over the centuries and there were times and communities that were much more strict and other times where there was much more grace and the turning of a blind eye. Generally, young male paramours and wayward wives endured the breadth of these punishments.

Fortunately, the law has been fulfilled in Him and we are no longer subject to the punishments we ALL deserve. Accordingly, betrayed spouses MAY CHOOSE to live like Christ and offer forgiveness, grace and sanctification to their wholly repentant wayward spouse.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I still say SI would give her more of the kind of advice that she is looking for. The best thing for OP about that site is there is no one like you or me on there. Neither you or I would be allowed on there. It's mostly just for pep talks and stuff or "Support for SO trying to R".
We really aren't in the same boat here. I present and offer a realistic hope here {a vital message to newbies posting anywhere} whereas you lie and deny the reality of hope. {still don't understand why a guy that hasn't personally experienced ended up here being the voice of hopelessness}. Encouragement and hugs on SI isn't hope and it isn't advice ~ it's just "surviving". Having divorced guys around that have actually experienced the loss offering practical assistance and advice, even if discouraging at times, is still REALISTIC. It's only the complete and intentionally deceiving denial of reality {that many/most couples stay together and a certain percentage of them actually end up having great marriages again, in time, especially if they do certain things that we should be encouraging them to do instead of debating whether they exist at all} that bothers me.

Also, the number one most effective tool to bust up an affair and restore a marriage/family is exposure and, if Christian, effective church discipline. SI doesn't hold that view {all opinions are way too equal there} and on DB and LS you can't even suggest exposure. It's the single reason why those forums fail and any betrayed spouse remains much better off here or even on MB where exposure is nearly universally understood and promoted as step one in every situation.

I wish I could say everything in one word. I hate all the things that can happen between the beginning of a sentence and the end. ~ Leonard Cohen
Quality is offline  
post #14 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 08:24 AM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 18,885
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

Moderator Warning:

Please stop the threadjacks.

This thread is entitled "Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation."

If there is any poster who has a problem with offering such support, then please step away from this thread.

If you want to start your own thread regarding how you feel that BS should only consider divorce and not reconciliation, then you can do that.

However, this thread, Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation, will be monitored and further action against threadjackers will be considered by the Moderation Team.

And for those who want religious debates, there's always the Religion section.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #15 of 109 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 09:53 AM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 73
Re: Support thread for BS's trying reconciliation

I've probably said all this before, so apologies if it feels repetitive to anyone reading it. For me that biggest challenge in reconciling is TRUST. I can't even be sure I'm really "in reconciliation" until I figure this part out.

Trust not only in the logistical sense of "do I trust that she's not still cheating on me?" but also trust in the sense of "can I trust the words coming out of her mouth, that she's no longer lying to HERSELF?"

In both cases she is doing everything she can to help restore my trust in her. In the case of the former she has given me access to all devices, all my snooping checks out clean, she sends me photos when she's out of the house so I can confirm that she's where her phone says she is and also that she's with "safe" people: colleagues, etc.

I think those steps are incredibly important -- combined with frequent and genuine expressions of remorse -- and I would advise anyone who's not getting that to really question whether their cheater is really trying to fix things. Seems like the basic cost of entry -- full disclosure, tons of genuine remorse.

In the case of trusting her feelings it's a bit more difficult. While I now have understanding of how she worked herself up to the bizarre, selfish "self-medication" of the affair, I still have a hard time trusting that she's really sorting out her baggage. It still seems very possible that the love she says she feels for me is largely comprised of desperation to keep her children's family together.

She's trying to show me it's real love and affection for me ... I just have no real way of knowing what the truth looks like in her anymore. Side piece of advice: therapists are not of much use in this regard -- if she could lie to me so effortlessly there's little chance that she couldn't just "work through" things while keeping parts of herself hidden (h*ll, she was in therapy for months during the affair and the therapist had no clue).

So trust remains the biggest issue.

On an intellectual level I believe her in all of this, if only because she sees the writing on the wall. With our families and best friends now aware, and the divorce papers on deck, she knows she's one wrong step away from everything falling apart (and everyone would know she was to blame). So, second bit of advice -- exposure and tangible, imminent consequences (not just talk) are a valuable way to get a cheater to wake the f**k up. Doesn't seem fool-proof by any measure, but in the case of a remorseful spouse it seems useful.

But even with all that in hand, it's hard to know where I stand anymore. I feel very exposed a lot of the time. I see people who say they just accepted it and moved on to rebuilding their marriage and that just seems foreign to me. Just accept that it happened? I'm not sure how that's possible. Might as well accept that the house mysteriously caught on fire. Moving on with repairs and repainting seems illogical if you're not sure that the root cause has been resolved -- or whether you even want to keep living in a smoke-tainted home.

All in all it's incredibly confusing. I'm just trying to sort through all the feelings.

As for advice on how to deal with it: the best (only?) advice that seems appropriate is to give it time. Time for either the feelings of trust to heal, or time enough to know which option -- staying or leaving -- will ultimately be the healthiest.

So I guess the TL;DR is "Healing the broken trust(s) is a tremendous mountain to climb. I don't know the solution, and the only advice that seems to fit is to just give it time and see if it gets better. In the meantime, they need to offer full access, tons of remorse, the affair needs to be exposed (within reason), and consequences need to be at hand -- perhaps best in the form of divorce papers ready to go."

So that's what I have to offer on reconciliation, for whatever it's worth.
JayOwen is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Thread about threads Herschel The Social Spot 0 12-09-2016 02:28 PM
CA Spousal support +\- child support? imperfectworld Considering Divorce or Separation 31 09-07-2016 09:22 PM
Support cooltaurus Considering Divorce or Separation 25 05-11-2016 12:10 PM
Living together but now she wants more child support plomito Going Through Divorce or Separation 10 04-25-2016 08:58 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome