W started a new job - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: W started a new job

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Was the receptionist a man?

I'm working a theory.
No


The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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post #32 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: W started a new job

Your life is never boring.
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post #33 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: W started a new job

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
But, you know....since she supposedly has a 'mental condition,' nothing is her fault so she shouldn't be blamed when she has an affair with at least one of them. I would imagine that same 'mental condition' would affect her work in some way, wouldn't it? Or does it just 'cause' her to cheat?

When she's got you making excuses for her, the world is her oyster.
I think you are framing this in the wrong perspective. Just because a person has a mental condition (or any other medical condition) does not relieve them from the responsibility of seeking treatment, taking medications, and working closely with a psychiatrist to be able to maintain normal behavior in society: at home, at school, at work, at church, etc. They are still responsible for their actions and the people around them have to decide whether to accept their behavior and determine if they are doing everything in their power to cope with the condition. Zero or little effort = zero or little reason to stay.

In times past my W was making little effort at dealing with her mental condition or trying to self medicate thru other means. It was most often during these times when she engaged in past infidelity. Definitely a correlation that can be made. She readily accepts the responsibility was hers.

The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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post #34 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: W started a new job

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Majdeath,

You wrote, Then this really will be a good test for her. 5 male lawyers and 7 female support staff.

Given what your WW has done, can she even be trusted around other females?

Tamat
If you are implying what I think you are implying, that has never been a problem in the past.

The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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post #35 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:35 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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If you are implying what I think you are implying, that has never been a problem in the past.
Are you are implying what I think you think he is implying?
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post #36 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:36 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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The sad truth is that if they are going to betray they are going to and no amount of worry can change that fact so it is truly counterproductive to occupy your mind with those thoughts. Recently I have begun to redirect my mind to another process. Whenever I think of her betraying me I no longer focus on the betrayal but rather on my game plan as to D and moving on. I find the thoughts burn out much faster when I stop thinking of "what she may be doing to me" and focus instead on how I will move on if that does indeed occur. In that way I am not focused on the betrayal and I am aligning my waterfowl for that possibility. I wish you good fortune.
YES! I've already started thinking that myself. I some ways I am better today than I was a month ago. Hell, I'm better today than I was a week ago. So its only been a few weeks that I've thought about things that way.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #37 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:46 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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YES! I've already started thinking that myself. I some ways I am better today than I was a month ago. Hell, I'm better today than I was a week ago. So its only been a few weeks that I've thought about things that way.
I'm with you on that one. As much as I may still look into something if she's acting suspicious, I stopped worry about what she may or may not be doing and who she talks and texts with, it's made my stress level a whole lot better, lol. Now when I look into something or look at her texts, without her knowing, it's more evidence collection than anything else. As much as my wife didn't have a physical affair, there was an emotional one, possibly two. And unfortunately the courts don't see emotional affairs or texting with other men, even sexting, as grounds for divorce. But where the evidence does come in handy is when it's time to split everything up, alimony, child support and custody. It does prove her character, attitude towards the marriage and failure to work on the marriage which is always helpful if she wants to fight claiming she deserves more than her share.
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post #38 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:50 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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Majdeath,

You wrote, Then this really will be a good test for her. 5 male lawyers and 7 female support staff.

Given what your WW has done, can she even be trusted around other females?

Tamat
I... tripped and fell onto her face... and his penis.


Sorry... had to do it. its just one of those days. Hopefully, she will be a good girl... as I hope for mine.

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post #39 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:56 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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I always say country music composers write our lives.
So you are saying never trust serial cheaters?

All forms of music is a reflection of life... even if its rap (which imo is more crap than not).

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post #40 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 01:40 PM
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Re: W started a new job

Your only solution to her cheating:

Do your research on islands.

Indonesia has what, hundreds of them?

Find one that is deserted. Take a boat to that one. Bring her with you.

Unload a lifetime of survival gear and foodstuffs. Build both of you a nice hut.

Sink the boat.


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #41 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 01:42 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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We have discussed and she agreed on appropriate boundaries. I have full access to all of her means of communication, no passwords. She signed a post-nup in November that excludes her from my 3 retirement accounts if we ever D.
I hope she keeps to them. How many affairs has she had?
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post #42 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:17 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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Your only solution to her cheating:

Do your research on islands.

Indonesia has what, hundreds of them?

Find one that is deserted. Take a boat to that one. Bring her with you.

Unload a lifetime of survival gear and foodstuffs. Build both of you a nice hut.

Sink the boat.
With his luck and her tenacity she'd probably hook up with this guy.

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post #43 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:20 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
We have discussed and she agreed on appropriate boundaries. I have full access to all of her means of communication, no passwords. She signed a post-nup in November that excludes her from my 3 retirement accounts if we ever D.
I hope she keeps to them. How many affairs has she had?
4 that she told me about, how many has yours had?
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post #44 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:39 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
She's cheated enough times the number is no longer important.
Sadly, what she does is no longer important either. It's OP that has the real issues that require professional help. He comes here looking for answers when in reality we are not adept to helping him in any way, form, or fashion.

His way of dealing with his wife's shenanigans clearly shows us just how unhealthy and unstable he really is. I can't deny this any longer. It is just not possible.

This is hurting me personally and in my real life, when a patient/student of mine is beyond my reach to help him; I simply send them off to a professional that can indeed help them and not be personally involved. I have reached this point with @MAJDEATH.

He now states that he stays because she is ill. That is not his problem nor his responsibility. This woman is not his kid. The kid she made him believe was his is a grown man now and I am pretty certain he knows just how sick his momma is. Majdeath staying with her is just a very poor excuse for not seeking professional help for himself to remove himself from such a toxic individual his WS is.

He doesn't have a backbone left to stand on. He isn't doing anything positive to regain that backbone. He is choosing to be a toxic woman's door mat with the ridiculous excuse of illness.

No one buys this excuse. It is just not honest and can't be taken seriously by anyone with half a brain and most of us have much more than half a brain.


How terribly sad.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #45 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:42 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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4 that she told me about, how many has yours had?
Thank you for enduring the onslaught of sarcasm. Mine included.

Doubters are numerous......... are rife.

Optimists and forgiving souls..........are as rare as 15 year old Ambergris.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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