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post #61 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 11:33 AM
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Re: W started a new job

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Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
One of the things that also came out of the Iast incident is I will no longer defend my W to family, friends, and even on TAM. Her meds and therapy are now adjusted and under control, and she is responsible for her actions. So if something happens at her new job, it is totally on her and I walk away with everything knowing she had every chance to make it right, but choose not to. No regrets. I know the odds of a former serial cheater flying straight are low, but that's where it is.
She was responsible for her actions in the other affairs as well.

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post #62 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 01:30 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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She was responsible for her actions in the other affairs as well.
Just as OP was for his two (iirc) affairs. They deserve each other.
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post #63 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 01:36 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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Just as OP was for his two (iirc) affairs. They deserve each other.
Turnabout is fair play.

Besides I think they were separated at the time so it's not an affair in the truest sense of the word.
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post #64 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 01:54 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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Turnabout is fair play.

Besides I think they were separated at the time so it's not an affair in the truest sense of the word.
That was his excuse when I started reading his story. Truth was uncovered where she had been unfaithful to the point that he was raising a kid that was not his but told he was the baby's daddy.

It's a real twister, this sad story for sure!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #65 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:35 PM
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Re: W started a new job

My memory of the earlier threads (and obviously I could be wrong) is that he was in the military and told her dating other men was okay while he was gone as he was dating other women. Maybe she decided she liked that once she started and just didn't stop. But maybe she wouldn't have started if he hadn't encouraged her to. Who knows. His is a crazy story.
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post #66 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:59 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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2 weeks ago my W started a new job as a legal researcher/investigator in a very prominent law office where we live. She had problems in the past with getting too close to male coworkers, which ultimately led to inappropriate relationships.

Everything seems fine for now, but I am slightly triggering when she tells me about some of the personalities of and interactions with the lawyers. It reminds me of similar situations from before that did not end up well. We shall see.
MD you get what you stayed for. I am starting to think you like your wife sleeping around.
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post #67 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:06 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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We have discussed and she agreed on appropriate boundaries. I have full access to all of her means of communication, no passwords. She signed a post-nup in November that excludes her from my 3 retirement accounts if we ever D.
So you put her in a position where she will have her brains ****** out of her so you can divorce her?
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post #68 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:22 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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We have discussed and she agreed on appropriate boundaries. I have full access to all of her means of communication, no passwords. She signed a post-nup in November that excludes her from my 3 retirement accounts if we ever D.
More info, please, on how you will VERIFY she is keeping to these new boundaries.
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post #69 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:25 PM
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Re: W started a new job

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The first 2 weeks, she was very chatty at the dinner table, telling me all about the new folks she is working with. This week, not so much. I hope this is not indicative of an EA in its early stages, but merely a shift in having already told me about everybody there.
Again, I'll ask: HOW are you going to verify what she is or isn't doing to cheat on you?
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post #70 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 04:16 AM
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Re: W started a new job

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I didn't know you were the official spokesperson for all TAM forum members.

I don't think I ever asked for answers, although I value the opinions of others. I talk to my counselor about those things. I thought the purpose of TAM was to discuss situations and perhaps others may benefit from the insight of a similar situation.
Who benefits from a person who allows their spouse to use them and walk all over them like you do. If your counselor is telling you that you should be ok with this and forgive, he or she is out of their ******* mind.

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post #71 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 07:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: W started a new job

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Originally Posted by Bibi1031 View Post
That was his excuse when I started reading his story. Truth was uncovered where she had been unfaithful to the point that he was raising a kid that was not his but told he was the baby's daddy.

It's a real twister, this sad story for sure!
In case it was unclear from before, we both knew I was not the bio-dad long before he was ever born. I accepted them both when we got married, he was 1 at the time.

The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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post #72 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 07:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: W started a new job

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More info, please, on how you will VERIFY she is keeping to these new boundaries.
Multiple ways if necessary. Let's just see how it goes for now.

The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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post #73 of 73 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 08:02 AM Thread Starter
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Re: W started a new job

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Turnabout is fair play.

Besides I think they were separated at the time so it's not an affair in the truest sense of the word.
Yes we were separated and had an (albeit a very bad) agreement.

The success of marriage comes not in finding the “right” person, but in the ability of both partners to adjust to the real person they inevitably realize they married - John Fischer
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