Didn’t your husband ‘’friend’’ on Facebook recently, a woman who he is friends with her husband, at the gym? And she is in her late 20’s? You’d think after two rounds of infidelity, that he’d finally get it. But, it seems like he just doesn’t care, rather than he is unaware of your feelings.
This ^^^ in bold x 100
So what do I do? Leave or continue to bang my head against the wall? To be clear, it's gotten better as time has gone by. He was totally clueless at the beginning.
Katie, with all due respect I think that it is YOU that will never get it. As the others have said, this is not a matter of you not communicating effectively. It is more about him not accepting or believing the message. He does not want to make the effort, either because he doesn't care or doesn't agree with you that it is a problem. He knows it a problem for YOU. It is just not a problem for HIM.
You are banging your head expecting a different outcome, thinking that it is something YOU can do to change the outcome. A few other veteran posters here have same issue with their H's. They and you think you can somehow just get them to see the light and all will be well. C'mon, K, you are smart. You keep thinking that your H thinks or cares like you do. He does NOT.
IMO, he just has no desire or motivation to do it. If he wanted to get into some hot thing's pants, he surely would be listening and do what it took to get there.
I don't believe he was clueless at the beginning. Just unwilling.
As for the car, he heard you. But he was reluctant to follow through. A power struggle. He followed the letter of your request, but not the spirit. Parking it on the street? WTF? The amount of money difference between selling it then or now was insignificant to your household. He did the bare minimum. This whole excuse was just an excuse, not a valid explanation.
You don't bang your head against the wall. You set boundaries and consequences for his actions. But he already knows there would not be any real consequences. You had ONE affair. He didn't leave. He had two to even the score. You didn't leave. He knows nothing will happen with him seeing OW1, 2 or 3 at a work related event. Him telling you ahead of time reduces his power in the marriage. His job is a position of power. That is his currency.