Re: He'll never get it
Marriage counseling is, by and large, very focused on helping the couple to communicate effectively. The assumption, of course, is that the problems they're having are because they are not really understanding one another, and that once they do, things will be better. See, there's a built-in expectation that the problem is that your partner doesn't understand, and that if he or she did, they would stop doing things that they now understand hurt you and start meeting your needs. So you're left with the idea that if only you could figure out how to communicate what you want more clearly, make your partner understand, help them to 'get it', the relationship would improve.
But the harsh reality is that, sometimes, the problem is not that a partner doesn't understand. They do understand. They just don't want to do whatever it is that you need.
OP, it sounds like you may be doing what I did for far too long: Spinning your wheels, tying yourself into knots, and driving yourself a little bonkers trying to fix how you're communicating so that he'll understand what you are trying to tell him and will then automatically start to meet your needs and stop doing things that hurt you. What was really tough for me to fully process and accept, was that my husband did get it. He just didn't care to do anything about it. You need to take honest stock of the situation and your marital dynamic and figure out if your husband really doesn't know what you need, or if he just doesn't care to do what you need. The two are very different problems.
You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi