Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:42 PM
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Re: Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS

I do not recommend it by any stretch of the imagination. For whatever reason, our reconciliation worked and worked well. The issues were disposed of. It was never my solution. It was my sentence.

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post #17 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:15 PM
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Re: Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS

I can tell you that the best break I ever took was in divorcing my unfaithful ex. At first it was hard and I was foggy minded, but then as I started to regain my dignity and clarity it became the most liberating, refreshing thing I ever did. YMMV
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post #18 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 03:41 PM
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Re: Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS

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Originally Posted by Gutted247 View Post

As you can all imagine the arguments, accusations of lies, going round in circles, more lies and then ushered into therapy to accept it was an emotional affair and that still didn't work for me. January it comes out it was a PA.

I'm sick to the stomach of asking questions, thinking there's more, more lies, more truth, more to it. I'm obsessed and it's taking over my life, destroying my mental health
Uhg I can't stand it when cheaters try to convince you it was only an EA when one knows it was a PA..further insult to the BS.
Don't feel guilty for anything, you are experiencing PTSD and everything you are feeling is totally normal
It might be a good idea to see a doctor and maybe try an antidepressant, it worked great for me to clear my head and racing thoughts, to help me make the right decisions without feeling like an out of control maniac, we need all the help we can't get after being betrayed and stabbed in the back.
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post #19 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 03:44 PM
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Re: Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS

I have no idea why you feel guilty - you sure as hell shouldn't. What *I* would have done was kick his lying cheating ass to the curb. Oh, wait - that's exactly what I DID do. HE should be the one who has to leave, not you!

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #20 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 04:45 PM
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Re: Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS

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A break is a great idea. It can precipitate a decent reconciliation. It worked for us; I cheated, and she asked me to leave. So, being an a** of the highest degree, I moved in with the AP. Only took a week or so to realize the reality: Affairs are not real. The feelings are absent the real world. In short order I discovered that the mental patient I was with had no real ambition to work or improve herself. I discovered that I was one in a line of guys to support her. NFW.

At the end of about 2 weeks, I kicked my AP to the curb and asked for a reconciliation. At first she would have none of it, and then a day or so later she gave me the conditions: I was to go completely NC with my AP, then I was to go into individual therapy and we went into marriage counselling. Her final requirement was that she wanted to go on a date, with someone other than myself. That too was a requirement that almost broke me. When she had completed her mission (took me six months to get her into the sack, took him an hour, FML), it was cold, dispassionate and emotionless. It was not an affair, it was revenge, and not a damn thing I could do or say. She said that she got justice, and we could reconcile from the standpoint of being equal. She said that we would stay separated until she could determine whether or not I was a safe partner.

We reconciled by degrees, first by going for coffee a few times a week, proceeding to dating, followed by some overnights. 8-9 months later, I could move back. We have reconciled successfully for 30 years.
So I know 2 wrongs don't make it right and all that, but I gotta say, your wife is my hero.
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post #21 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 05:03 PM
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Re: Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS

She is a damn strong woman, although she does not think so.

I have caught all kinds of flack for this from random people saying that we should divorce because this happened. Respectfully, I disagree. First this was in 1988, so no TAM or SI or internet for that matter. Guess she had to figure things out for herself. This was her solution.

This was the only way she could find her way back. Whether wrong or right, I love her, and I was willing to take anything to get her back. Whether or not this fit anyone else's ideal for reconciliation has never been our concern. It worked for us. That is all that matters.
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post #22 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:57 PM
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Re: Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS

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She is a damn strong woman, although she does not think so.

I have caught all kinds of flack for this from random people saying that we should divorce because this happened. Respectfully, I disagree. First this was in 1988, so no TAM or SI or internet for that matter. Guess she had to figure things out for herself. This was her solution.

This was the only way she could find her way back. Whether wrong or right, I love her, and I was willing to take anything to get her back. Whether or not this fit anyone else's ideal for reconciliation has never been our concern. It worked for us. That is all that matters.
I can't see her as a "strong" woman. So a cheater decided to stay with a cheater - interesting. And the one cheater cheated wanted to know if the other cheater was a safe bet before "reconciling" !?!?!? I guess I gotta believe that it really is different strokes for different folks! Did you ever really trust each other after that ? You might say yes, but I would tend not to believe it. Definitely, based on what you have said, I would find it even harder to believe that she trusted you. To me it was a stupid (not strong) move on her part. She should have walked away from a toxic situation not made it even more toxic.

This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause
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post #23 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 05:57 AM
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Re: Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS

Well I guess we are just two dysfunctional cheaters who managed to keep it going for 30 F@@KING YEARS. Sorry dude if we don't live down to your expectations
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post #24 of 24 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 06:14 AM
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Re: Feeling guilty because I want to take a break from WS

This isn't about my expectations but more to do with advice for the OP - certainly wouldn't recommend what you guys did.

This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause
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