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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #61 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

The person you love never really existed, that was a made up person.

This won't get better, so I would advise to NOT have her quit her job. It will hurt you financially more in the long run because you are divorcing.

Move into a mode where you only communicate with her about children and that is done via texting.

File ASAP.

Tell everyone what happened before she passes out a bunch lies that everyone believes.

Focus on improving yourself and then find someone awesome.

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post #62 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 06:21 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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I have not - he's divorced with a new GF.


This is step #1

----
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post #63 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 06:44 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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That doesn't even kind of pass the smell test.

What she wants is to keep her boyfriend while keeping you tethered to her. Counselling is a stalling technique.

Have you exposed the affair to her boyfriend's spouse?
I have not - he's divorced with a new GF.
No, he has two girlfriends.

Your Wife and the other sad Lady.














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I have not - he's divorced with a new GF.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #64 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 07:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

Should I leave the house or should I make her? How does seeing each other often due to kids affect the 180 etc?
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post #65 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 07:43 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

So the sentiments here are clearly one-sided. Even with help there is not much hope that she can change?

when you file and or show stern resolves like 180 she will suddenly find her love and all the affection. From her past experience she knows you are a nice caring beta male husband who can be led like a poodle. Unfortunately as seen in these circles these nice men are the ones who mostly face infidelity because women are attracted to men who show resolve and confidence. So stop being a submissive partner and show her there are consequences. Then she may correct herself for good. Otherwise your R will be her stepping stone to seeking her next lover.
She should leave the marital home as she broke the vows.
I know she's 'sick'- A new sickness - just an excuse for her low morals

Last edited by curious234; 04-05-2017 at 08:00 PM.
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post #66 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 08:52 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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Should I leave the house or should I make her? How does seeing each other often due to kids affect the 180 etc?
She leaves the house.

You do not leave the house without approval from your attorney.
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post #67 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:12 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

It's obvious she leaves. But she gets nothing and you should sue her and him
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post #68 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:15 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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Should I leave the house or should I make her? How does seeing each other often due to kids affect the 180 etc?
Do NOT leave your house.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #69 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:20 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

what makes you think that with separation she will not pursue this other man or someone else.....what assurance has she given you ?
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post #70 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:31 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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Have you read the 180?
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Originally Posted by canes View Post
No. Link?
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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Somebody slip this guy a link. I cant with my iPad.
The Healing Heart: The 180


You do this for yourself.


"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis
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post #71 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:49 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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This is at least the 3rd time she's had some sort of infidelity, last time was 10 years ago.
I didn't even have to read past this line to know what the correct course of action is. First you need to divorce her immediately and permanently. Second you need to get with a counselor to get straightened out so you will never be willing to tolerate this nonsense ever again.
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post #72 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:52 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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But I love my wife, and my happy ending would be reconciliation and the start of a healthy, long-lasting connection with her. I know the road to that is long and hard but im hopeful.
This is the first piece of crap type of thinking you need to jettison. It can never happen with a serial cheater. Never.
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post #73 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:05 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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what makes you think that with separation she will not pursue this other man or someone else.....what assurance has she given you ?
Irrelevant. It would do him a favor if she moved in with the other guy so the separation may be expedited which in turn will pave the way for the divorce he needs.
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post #74 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:21 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

The hardest part is when you first open your eyes, to the betrayal by your spouse.

Next is staying strong and not letting them suck you back in, you are her plan B the soft cushion for her to land on when the affairs end.

She has no right to tell you the how the game will be played, you get to make all the decisions on this she blew that when she cheated on you.

I would make her move out, she cheated not you.



You do matter!
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post #75 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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Originally Posted by Lostme View Post
The hardest part is when you first open your eyes, to the betrayal by your spouse.

Next is staying strong and not letting them suck you back in, you are her plan B the soft cushion for her to land on when the affairs end.

She has no right to tell you the how the game will be played, you get to make all the decisions on this she blew that when she cheated on you.

I would make her move out, she cheated not you.
Thanks for all the replies guys/gals. I think i'm getting my head on straight, i'm moving on.
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