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post #76 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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She says she's willing to leave her job. She's asked if we can wait until she starts personal counseling.

I feel like her intentions to get better are genuine, but I know she's 'sick'. Im not sure what her endgame here is.

Unless she is "sick" in a verifiable mental way, like severe bipolar illness, that is not much of a defense!

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post #77 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 08:50 AM Thread Starter
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Her mom and brother are bipolar.
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post #78 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 09:16 AM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

Yeah. She comes from a family of wackos.

BAIL!
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post #79 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:28 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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So the sentiments here are clearly one-sided. Even with help there is not much hope that she can change?
She has said she doesn't love you. What else are you waiting for?
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post #80 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:37 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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Should I leave the house or should I make her? How does seeing each other often due to kids affect the 180 etc?
She is the one that cheated and broke the marriage. Make her leave.
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post #81 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:41 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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She's figured out shes a 'love addict' as she checks all the boxes for those suffering this addiction - and has never really had 'healthy' or lasting fulfillment in relationships.
And you are a codependent. You love someone who does not love you. This is just as unhealthy as her behavior. It doesn't matter what YOU feel, if the feeling isn't mutual you MUST put those feelings aside and MOVE ON. The fact that you can't means you are as broken as she is.

You can't change her BUT you can change yourself. Get some individual counseling and figure out how to become a stronger INDIVIDUAL who doesn't depend on other humans for happiness. True happiness comes from within friend.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #82 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 03:05 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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And you are a codependent. You love someone who does not love you. This is just as unhealthy as her behavior. It doesn't matter what YOU feel, if the feeling isn't mutual you MUST put those feelings aside and MOVE ON. The fact that you can't means you are as broken as she is.

You can't change her BUT you can change yourself. Get some individual counseling and figure out how to become a stronger INDIVIDUAL who doesn't depend on other humans for happiness. True happiness comes from within friend.
QFT

Please get these two books and read them

1) Codependent No More

2) Codependency for Dummies
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post #83 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 03:54 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

I feel like it's a waste of time but here goes.

1) See an attorney and start D
2) Kick her out
3) DNA your kids
4) Read those books several times
5) Grow a backbone

Not necessarily in that order.

My husband is a sex addict and if he had acted ANYTHING like your wife there is no way in hell I would be with him today. NO FREAKING WAY. And in addition, unless she's been diagnosed by a professional no one has ANY clue if she truly is. Unless she's been diagnosed by a CSAT, all it is is an excuse.

Do you feel like she should be 'forgiven' because she's 'sick' now?? If so, her ploy worked!

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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post #84 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 03:55 PM
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Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity

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Her mom and brother are bipolar.
WHO CARES?!?!?! So what if she IS bipolar? Does that give her a free hall pass?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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