Re: Need advice after wife's infidelity
Sorry you are here. In fairness, a serial cheater is unlikely to change their ways, so my first recommendation would be a hasty divorce. However, you have indicated you want to save your marriage, so here goes.
1. No contact means no contact. Not "I only contact him when we fight".
2. This is her third affair.
Please answer this question: What would be worse; losing your marriage, or dealing with infidelity (with this AP or her next one) yet again? I would prefer to lose her over sharing her, which is essentially what is happening right now. She is refusing to be exclusive to you by maintaining contact and keeping her job.
So what should you do? End the infidelity, and let the marriage fall where it may.
1. Demand no contact and insist she quit her job (which you have done).
2. When she refuses (which she has), you tell her you understand, but that you will not live in infidelity. Tell her the only thing worse than losing her is sharing her, and that you would rather end the marriage. Tell her that every day that passes that she chooses to not end the affair reduces the likelihood that you will remain married. Then stop talking to her. When she tries to engage in how you helped lead her to an affair, or how she wants you to stay while she continues to maintain contact, simply hold up your hand and say, "You have made it clear that the marriage is not a priority to you, and I will not focus on fixing a marriage that is not a priority". Then simply walk away. Place this on her to fix.
3. You gather all evidence and expose to everyone important in both of your lives, as well as the OMW if he has one.
4. File for divorce. Tell her the divorce goes through unless she shows you overwhelmingly that she chooses the marriage.
5. No discussion about anything except the children and how to divide assets until she demonstrates she is committed to the marriage.
That is a good start.
If it were me, I would file, have her served at work, and let her sail off into the sunset with her new man. She is a serial cheater. Love yourself enough to demand better, brother.
"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.
"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley