Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Away and beyond in a hot place
Re: Those who stayed/tried to after being cheated on, what has been the pesonal toll.
In some ways it strengthens you, it took its toll on me later when I had time to really look inwards and combined with his alcoholism and stress of constantly moving. Now I can safely say, if he did it again, I know I would be ok, I know I wouldn't blame me, and I know I would walk away.
The major downside is that you never look at them again in the same way, they are forever flawed, (but aren't we all as human beings) but for me there is no guilt, I often think, he is bloody lucky to have me. I mourned us for many years, it was a deep grief. Perhaps we are building something new, only time will tell.
In ways, I think I have lowered my expectations of him and tend to find happiness in my own self, in what I do and whom I am friends with. We get on well but I doubt if I will ever love him the way I did, that is the price we both paid. In the past I would worry and be upset if things were bothering him about work, family etc. Now I empathize but just move on thinking to myself, you are a big boy you can handle it. I no longer put him first the way I used to, if it suits me yes, if not then I don't. Maybe I have settled, but I am happy enough the way things are.