Originally Posted by Tennwife93
Anyway, just wondering if I'm in the wrong for bringing it up too much or he's in the wrong for not being sensitive to what I need in order to heal. Thanks everyone
Why did the two of you go to the restaurant where he carried out his EA? That place is a trigger and the two of you should never go there. Whose idea was it for you to go there?
You are not wrong to bring it up. You were in a place that is a trigger. It was, of course, on your mind. If you cannot share what's on your mind with him, then what's the point of the relationship?
That said, there is a balance that has to be achieved. You need to be able to ask the questions over and over until you no longer have a need to ask them. It's part of the healing process. He needs to answer them truthfully, patiently, over and over until you stop asking. But.... you have not make sure that you are not using the affair as a way to attack him verbally. You have to make it safe for him to tell you the truth.
So he says that he had an emotional affair with your best friend?
Did he know what she was your best friend before the EA started?
Why were you going to a party with her if you knew she has an EA with him?
All the things you need to know about how to heal your marriage from an affair, even an EA, would take a long time to type out here. So a good way for you to learn this is to get some books and the two of you read them. You can still post here if you want and we can help you. But with you having this background, it will be much easier to help you. Plus your husband needs to read them.
The following book will tell both of you a lot about affairs and what both of you need to do so that you can both heal form the affair. Your husband, as the cheater, has a lot that he has to do. But it's not all on him. Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
by Shirley P. Glass
These two books are about how to rebuild your marriage to make it as affair proof as possible.
For example for you his cheating in a love buster... it kills your love for him. So he has to know this and in the future he has to do what it takes to make sure he is never in a situation again to have any kind of affair. For example is that situation were to happen again, he has to avoid the woman and tell you about it immediately.
"Love Busters and "His Needs, Her Needs" both by Dr. Harley (see links in my signature block below)