That always strikes me as ''I'm not sure if I can make it on my own, and since you pay the bills and I have a good lifestyle, not sure I want to give that up just yet. If I could have my marriage AND my lover, I probably would stay, no question. But, since I have to make a choice...hmmm, I'm so confused.''
Funny, she was only confused when she got caught.
95% of cheating is about caking eating (that is my own Keyboard Commando statistic and it is right on the money LOL)
People are inherently lazy and do not like big, sweeping changes and so they like to live with the comforts and stability that a marriage can provide, but they also want the hot, passionate, porn sex of getting some strange on the side.
As long as she was getting both, she was good.
Yes, she may sincerely be dissatisfied with the OP and the marriage, but she wasn't so dissatisfied that she was actually making preparations and taking actions to leave the marriage (that we know of yet anyway)
So our assumption here is that she was good with the status quo of both the marriage and the hot monkey sex with the OM. All was well as long as it was a dark secret and nothing was upsetting the fruit cart.
She may be wanting a new life, but she was wanting to transition to that new life with no mess, no fuss, no snap decisions, no judgements from inlaws or neighbors or family etc, and she wanted to bide her time and do it on her time schedule at her leisure.
But now that the OP has had to meddle into her affairs (pun intended) and has blown up fruit cart in informing the OM's wife (well played OP. Well played!!) now she's going to have to decide what to do while everything is blowing up all around her and she is going to have to make some quick decisions and most scary of all..........
......wait for it.......................................
......wait for it........... Other people might make some decisions for themselves that aren't in her better interests or according to her master plans.
That's right. The OM may throw her under the bus and cut off her hot monkey sex and all of her kibbles and nuggets that stroke her ego and tell her how cute and great she is.
And the OP may toss her out of the house and file papers on her that cuts off half of her financial accounts and cuts her access to her children in half and she may be sleeping on her parent's couch until she can find an apartment and pack up her stuff.
This is all very disturbing and inconvenient to a selfish, entitled person that is all about ME ME ME.
Her confusion is trying to decide what tale to spin and what story to tell and what mess to clean up to make her look the best right now. Her indecision is what course of action will be best for her if other people are pulling the rug out from under her master plan.
She not confused about whether cheating was right or wrong. She just doesn't know what will make her come out of this smelling like a rose at the moment.