Just Caught My Wife Cheating - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 01:47 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

I do hope you see an attorney soon, and that she will stay at her parents house.

Remember she is your enemy and is trying to hurt you. and she is doing quite well in hurting you.

Do not have her stay at the house. Have her leave. She will have the OM back in your house and around your kids.

Keep him away from your daughter.

So keep her busy, while she stays away. Have her write her timeline and diary of the affair.

How many times did she have him in your bed? that is a real slap in the face. contempt , and complete disrespect and spitting and shooting bullets at you.

And keep your kids away from the OM.

How many times did she give him anal sex and swallow?

take care of your finances and keep her away from you. She has proved that she is your enemy.

Believe her.

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post #122 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 01:49 PM
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Just Caught My Wife Cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by jda79 View Post
Thanks.



I have everything. Even took pictures of the messages on her phone.



I will let the other wife know tomorrow and show her everything.



You mentioned friends and family, should I let my family know now or wait?


Don't tell your family or hers. You aren't children blabbing on eachother. If you do, you will regret it in the longrun. Your family and friends will hate her.


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post #123 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 02:04 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Yes, I understand what you're saying. And agree.

I'm not judging the BS, ever. I always put full blame on cheaters for their choices. I'm just saying, that if he looks back, he might see some red flags. Even in LTR's, we can overlook red flags because we have hope that things will get better. I never fault BS for having hope.
I agree, but it all comes down to "hindsight is 20/20".
I had tons of red flags. But I didn't see the. Because what she was doing was out of my realm of what I thought was possible. MY wife cheat? Noooooooo, she's never do that. She's a Sunday school teacher and "good" person.
She said she was on Facebook all the time. I caught her masrurbating in the bedroom once--while I was home. I had no idea she was doing it via FaceTime or **** pics and sexting with another man. Never crossed my mind. Nor did the sudden shaving every day vs once evweek or so in the past. I did get concerned about the 4:39 am workouts, but chalked it up to a lifetime of insecurity about her weight. I was proud of her for being so self disciplined.

Just saying, there's a way to look at a person's actions differently when you love them. What's obvious later is possibly thought highly of pre d-day.
I also liked the fact she was shaving more and having an insatiable sexual appetite.
I never chalked that up to cheating...,.
I thought she was just getting in her late thirties hormone rush.
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post #124 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 02:09 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

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Originally Posted by hifromme67 View Post
Don't tell your family or hers. You aren't children blabbing on eachother. If you do, you will regret it in the longrun. Your family and friends will hate her.
OP, ignore this bad advice from someone who couldn't be bothered to read the thread. Exposure is one of the most important tools in getting yourself out if infidelity and preventing her from pushing a false narrative where you're the bad guy instead of her.
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post #125 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 02:19 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

Be sure to confirm with her parents that they got the full story.

Tell them you feel destroyed inside, and need time to process this.

Op many wayward spouses say that their remorse started setting in when they saw the hurt in their partners eyes.

It's not good to show weakness, but let your eyes show the hurt sometimes as well as the anger.

Women often communicate and respond on several levels that men can take for granted.

Think of it as the difference between your sense of smell and that of your favorite canine.

Whether you divorce or reconcile her increasing remorse will be best for everyone involved.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

I really wish you well.
Take care.

Last edited by Decorum; 04-08-2017 at 02:27 PM.
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post #126 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 02:20 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

jda79, your story reminds me of @JayOwen's story: Here goes nothing... (sorry, very long)

His wife was having an affair with the next-door neighbor. It took his wife a while to come around, but he appears to be on the road to reconciliation. It's worth a read when you have a chance.
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post #127 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 02:33 PM
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Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica38 View Post
After YOU do a full exposure, Wife needs send a No Contact letter to OM. And your family needs to move. Wife needs to change all contact info so she cannot be reached by OM.

Get into marital coaching.

Wife will be grieving her affair. This will be painful to watch. One text from OM will rekindle the entire thing and the process will start over.

You two will need to commit to full transparency about where/when/what she is doing in her day at all times. You will need to commit to at least 15 hours/week time together one on one.
But Jessica, she doesn't want to reconcile!
These are the conditions she must agree to OR she can pack her bags and move out today. There is no in between.

As for the OP, you can take your time to see how willingly she adheres to these conditions and how remorseful she is and decide if you want/are able to reconcile.

In no way am I saying the OP should reconcile. That's his choice. He has every right to file for D.
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post #128 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 02:35 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

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Originally Posted by Tatsuhiko View Post
jda79, your story reminds me of @JayOwen's story: Here goes nothing... (sorry, very long)

His wife was having an affair with the next-door neighbor. It took his wife a while to come around, but he appears to be on the road to reconciliation. It's worth a read when you have a chance.
His wife hasn't even apologized yet, and you are pointing him to a lifetime of settling. That thread is a terribly sad one by the way, the poster doesn't seem happy to me.

Almost all WS have very serious emotional problems. No one should be trying to have long term relationships with them unless they are actively working to fix themselves. This women doesn't want to R at this point and is not even close to working on herself. I am really not sure the point of all you guys cheering on R. You are just pointing this man to a place of misery. Seems to be more about the posters then the situation on this thread.

Last edited by sokillme; 04-08-2017 at 02:47 PM.
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post #129 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 02:57 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

JDA discovered the PA and blew it up in like a day. I think all are in the survival "OH ****!!!" mode.

JDA first reaction: Maybe we can work this out.
Mrs JDA first reaction: I wasn't happy, don;t know if I want to be married. To justify her cheating to herself.
OM first reaction: Supportive of WW, "you should try to work it out" will throw her under the bus later today.
OMW first reaction: Don't know that yet, but I think she'll blow it up real good.

All of these positions will change and many will be 180 degrees from the first reaction.
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post #130 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 03:31 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
I think her saying she is not sure she wants to be married is sincere and heartfelt. She is just trying to be honest with you, OP.
If this is the case, he should drop her sorry ass now.



"If more people were judgmental, then maybe there would be less infidelity"
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post #131 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 04:19 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

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Originally Posted by podiumboy View Post
Damn, COLD BLOODED! Wow, this just makes me feel like such a beta male. I love sex, but I could never treat somebody this way!

I think if I found out my WW did something with the OM that she wouldn't do with me (anal, for example), that'd probably be it for me. Probably nothing she could do to make up for that, in my mind. She wouldn't even be worth the time I had to waste going through the divorce process with her.

OP, your concern is not the OM in this situation. Just expose it to his wife, and he will be dealt with properly. Your concern is your STBX wife, and doing what you can to get out of that marriage as soon as possible.
And that is the SHORT / cut-off version of the story... it gets worse. There is a post here with the complete story.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #132 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 04:31 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

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Originally Posted by jda79 View Post
All of this information has been excellent and I have taken a lot of it to heart.

Update:

She and our daughter left the house. I sent a message to the OM's wife that we needed to talk. Long story short...We just blew this up. She knows everything and will be confronting him. I even told her about the past affairs.

My wife called me to say that she talk to her parents. The only thing she would tell me is they want us to make it work. I told her whatever. She said not to do anything rash like pack up and leave.

I'm at the angry stage now. I'm f******* furious now. I am leaving to get STD tested at a nearby lab and then headed to my parents to tell them everything. The hard part believe it our not will be telling my aunt. My aunt and wife are close just I am close with her (she is practically my godmother). s*** is going down.

Another thing to note, he is 13 freaking years older than her.
What did she tell her parents? That you both are going through a rough patch or that she has been cheatings? How will you confirm? Maybe seen her mom a text about what happened... as if YOU expected her to tell them that she has been cheating?

As someone else has posted (and listen to Gus) - controlled exposure... you did the OM's wife - good. Parents = good, but unknown if she told her parents... you may want to know if they know. If you both go for (R) then no need to tell kids. If going for (D) - then tell kids. Try to get her out of the home / court order if going for (D).
Telling your aunt is good, she will chew out your wife.

Good luck on the STD test.

Heads up... you are very early stage. You need to locate an IC to talk to (therapist).

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #133 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 04:35 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

jda79,

About the OM also find out who his parents, grandparents, siblings, coworkers, linkedin, facebook, place of worship are and send a mass email. Don't warn or threaten just do it like a tsunami.

About the other affairs the OM has had, be sure to inform the Husbands of the OW, perhaps they can beat the heck out of OM for you.

Also get the name of a local polygraph operator to give to the other BHs.

Tamat
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post #134 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 04:39 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
I agree, but it all comes down to "hindsight is 20/20".
I had tons of red flags. But I didn't see the. Because what she was doing was out of my realm of what I thought was possible. MY wife cheat? Noooooooo, she's never do that. She's a Sunday school teacher and "good" person.
She said she was on Facebook all the time. I caught her masrurbating in the bedroom once--while I was home. I had no idea she was doing it via FaceTime or **** pics and sexting with another man. Never crossed my mind. Nor did the sudden shaving every day vs once evweek or so in the past. I did get concerned about the 4:39 am workouts, but chalked it up to a lifetime of insecurity about her weight. I was proud of her for being so self disciplined.

Just saying, there's a way to look at a person's actions differently when you love them. What's obvious later is possibly thought highly of pre d-day.
I also liked the fact she was shaving more and having an insatiable sexual appetite.
I never chalked that up to cheating...,.
I thought she was just getting in her late thirties hormone rush.
That's so sad, I'm sorry that happened to you.

Yea, I've actually read that a tell tale sign of cheating is when the cheating partner in the relationship, starts to make visible changes to how they look, dress, start losing weight, going to the gym, etc. You hate to be suspicious over everything, but I guess there is truth to it.

''Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time.'' - Unknown
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post #135 of 206 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 04:40 PM
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Re: Just Caught My Wife Cheating

After filing for D, one place that helped me was some of the folks at affair recovery.com.

give a read of some their materials.

hope you find some peace after you finish your D.
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