jda79 : listen to those guys who have posted. This sucks. We've all been there. It hurts big time.
Right now, you most likely want to save your marriage. You need to do research here on things to do. Keep your eyes and ears open and mouth shut.
- Whatever actions you decide to do, DO IT! Don't warn or threaten wife with what you MAY do...
- When possible, as you find out more and want opinions - look here or ASK here first.
- Get a SONY var. They sell it at BestBuy and other electronics stores - even bestbuy. Don't buy it with a creditcard that your wife may notice on a creditcard purchase or amazon account. Maybe have a friend buy it foryou. You need 1 or 2 of theses. DO NOT let her know you have them.
1 goes in her car. The other, hide or keep in your pocket when you both are going to have a sit-down talk about your relationship. You want to keep this as proof and so you can review later. Your mind can be foggy and you may not catch or understand what she is saying.
- get the SONY VAR that is about $50 which has a USB port. Turn off the beep (button press).
- DO NOT think you KNOW YOUR WIFE. She's had sex with your neighbor behind your back. She is considering leaving you and hurting hee children over a serial cheater, she's been played. She can actually turn on you... and having a VAR can be handy if that happens. When my wife assaulted me and ended up arrested... I forgot I even had the VAR going at the time. The only blood the police saw was mine. Sure I could win in a fight with her, but I'm not going to beat down a woman half my size. The recording has me saying "stop, go away" and "stop hitting me" while she is cursing, screaming and making a ruckus.
- You *WILL* need to expose the affair now. best way to get that guy to stay away from you and your wife. His wife should know what he's doing... wouldn't you have wanted someone to tell you? Don't warn your wife... just do it.
- take photos of any and ALL evidence... Use your phone to take pics of messages of her phone... even showing the phone itself.
- document everything.
Buy this book, read it... it will take about 90minutes. Then give it to your wife to read - *IF* you both are thinking about staying together (reconciliation) https://www.amazon.com/Help-Your-Spo...t+just+friends
Get this book as well... its 400 pages... it may help you, may help her. Who knows. Right now, your wife is not thinking. https://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Frie...X6TXBKZ9TGQ6MP
If you want to divorce, then start on it now. Get a lawyer and have her served... while her head is in the fog.
The "help your spouse" book is for cheaters. It's written in a way that they may understand. Your wife is on the fence... so its worth a shot to have her read it. If she refuses and the other things that aine has told you to do. Then move for divorce, even if you DO NOT want to.
Start on 180. It's hard, but do not play nice with your "wife".