Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #1 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:44 PM Thread Starter
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Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Need a distraction. Any takers?

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post #2 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 06:48 PM
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

you might be in the wrong forum.

Maybe you are looking for the OM/OW section of loveshack.

Sorry, but maybe I misunderstood your post.
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post #3 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:14 PM
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

What the.................
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post #4 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

I read the forum guidelines before posting, it said the wayward spouse was welcome to post. Not true? Just looking for help.
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post #5 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:25 PM
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Are you trying to reconcile? If so... that should be enough work to distract you.
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post #6 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Yes, repairing the marriage. I don't really consider rebuilding the marriage a distraction from the affair. In some ways, it reminds me of the affair.

Also, if repairing the marriage was enough of a distraction for those dealing with an affair, why so many here discussing their own situation?

Maybe "distract" was a poor choice of words. I did not mean to get started off on the wrong foot. By distraction, I meant that I would like to take my mind off the affair, establish a safe place to visit each night to share thoughts. A place where I can check-in and keep myself accountable. Away from standard social media sites that are no longer safe.
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post #7 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:45 PM
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

I do wish you well.


It is hard to help without details.

Some posters know more about the rules like Ele girl.

One place that I read is affair recovery.com.

some of the articles help me with the situation.

if you need someone to help you keep up N/C do you have a family member that could be helpful, like a sister or a mother?

Good luck to you and yours with trying to overcome your situation.
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post #8 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 07:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Thank you, harrybrown. As to details, nothing fancy here. Girl meets old high school boyfriend on Facebook. Stupid and totally lacking in originality. Banal.
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post #9 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:01 PM
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyrain View Post
I read the forum guidelines before posting, it said the wayward spouse was welcome to post. Not true? Just looking for help.
Yes wayward spouse's are allowed to post but you will get alot of 'tough love' here.

I personally don't understand why wayward spouses need a 'distraction'. Maybe that's the problem, too much time on your hands....
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post #10 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Distraction as a Coping Strategy (Encyclopedia of Behavioral Medicine)

"Distraction refers to a classification of coping strategies that are employed to divert attention away from a stressor and toward other thoughts or behaviors that are unrelated to the stressor. In both adult and pediatric populations, distraction (for example, focusing on an external object or imagining a peaceful place) may be used to deal with pain and discomfort during medical procedures. Other examples of distraction include daydreaming or engaging in substitute activities to keep one’s mind from ongoing stressors related to a chronic illness. There are many ways to group coping strategies together. For instance, distraction has been considered a type of emotion-focused coping (Lazarus and Folkman, 1984), which involves minimizing the emotional distress related to a stressor. Distraction has also been categorized as passive coping, a type of coping that has been associated with helplessness ... "

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post #11 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:14 PM
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Quote:
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Thank you, harrybrown. As to details, nothing fancy here. Girl meets old high school boyfriend on Facebook. Stupid and totally lacking in originality. Banal.
Perhaps you could share exactly how you are working on fixing yourself and your marriage. Although your affair may have been "banal" to you, it was kick in the nuts for your husband. Are you seeing a counselor to figure out why your boundaries are so poor? What ways are you making yourself a better, safer wife for your husband?

Perhaps if you give us your story, including how your husband found out, we could help more.

The CWI section isn't for chit chat to get your mind off of an affair. That would be the off topic section. The CWI section is for working through problems related to an affair. Without knowing your situation, we simply can't offer much guidance.

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post #12 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:16 PM
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Quote:
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Distraction as a Coping Strategy (Encyclopedia of Behavioral Medicine)

"Distraction refers to a classification of coping strategies that are employed to divert attention away from a stressor and toward other thoughts or behaviors that are unrelated to the stressor. In both adult and pediatric populations, distraction (for example, focusing on an external object or imagining a peaceful place) may be used to deal with pain and discomfort during medical procedures. Other examples of distraction include daydreaming or engaging in substitute activities to keep one’s mind from ongoing stressors related to a chronic illness. There are many ways to group coping strategies together. For instance, distraction has been considered a type of emotion-focused coping (Lazarus and Folkman, 1984), which involves minimizing the emotional distress related to a stressor. Distraction has also been categorized as passive coping, a type of coping that has been associated with helplessness ... "
CWI translation: rug sweeping

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post #13 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:25 PM
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Welcome to the forums

Are there areas in yourself that you feel need to be worked on? I ask that, because a lot of wayward spouses seem to think that the marriage was the main reason they cheated, but I don't think that's true.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #14 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Hubs and I have been seeing a counselor for years. He cheated first. In some ways, he blames himself for my affair. I don't consider my affair a result of his affair. However, I do think I lost respect and love for him after his affair. Now, I've lost respect and love for myself.

We are doing what most couples do after finding out about an affair... crying, screaming, storming out on each other, threatening, making-up, apologizing. wash, rinse, repeat.

Problems? I'm boring, critical, and have anxiety issues. He's an over-achiever and likes to be told how great he is. Neither of us does a very good job of building each other up. We've called a truce. Moving forward, with the blessing of our therapist.

BTW, I don't consider cognitive behavioral therapy to be rug-sweeping. Distraction can most definitely be a positive coping strategy for individuals suffering with anxiety and OCD tendencies. Though, I can see how someone unfamiliar with the practice could potentially view it as rug-sweeping.
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post #15 of 33 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 08:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Quit Affair Cold Turkey 7 Days Ago

Hi Deidre! Yes, I need to work on my attitude. I'm unfriendly, bitter, depressed, and angry. I need to volunteer. I need to smile. I should probably go hug a puppy.
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