Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Fort Lauderdale, FL
Re: What Are The Long Term Effects Of An Affair?
Some great reading on the last few posts, so very true in many ways and very insightful, but honestly I mean, people are flawed, they f*ck up all the time, the drug addict, the drunk driver, the cheater, sex offender, the list is endless....true some spouses might not cheat, but surely can do other ugly things too.
I decided to R with my W in part because I knew she wasnt acting as whom she was while she was in her fog state. I dwelled on all the same points everyone is mentioning here, how could she have done this, or that, etc..but I knew she wasnt acting rationally or like herself, was way out of character, way too much. I quit thinking about the why and how over a year ago, and I never really had the mind movies except for couple months (perhaps because I have had over twice the amount of sex partners, and even a couple of 3some, that my W had before we married, at least why I think this wasnt a problem for me, am very confident sexually).
I dont regret R one bit and I do not let the affair define me or our M....I see it as a traumatic event in my life now, is just so happened to come from my W....not from a disease or the death of a close loved one, or things like that, but nevertheless one of the things life throws at you, and I feel stronger because of it.
I have also seen my W suffer greatly, both because of her own actions during her month long A, she saw how she got totally played and used....but also 6 months ago she developed tumors on the uterus and had to endure a full hysterectomy, with a painful recovery, we feel we know each other 10 times better than we did before all this, including her A.
I am not justifying anything or have any real position on R or D.....is a very personal decision with way too many factors involved. About the only advice I would give a new BS is to immediately file for D and send a strong message, no pleading or begging, and only decide to R or continue D upon contrite actions from the WS. Also, I agree and LTA of 6 months or more is hard to come back from, thats a tough one.