That is really sad. Your wife doesnt sound like she reflected much on things if that is what you think. How could she not value the specialness? If she doesnt mourn what she has lost how can she value or appreciate what she has?
Do you think shed be as forgiving if you had an A or is she a hypocrite?
It's more than sad ... it absolutely sucks ass. Up to that point, my W had led a pretty easy existence, with the exception of losing her Dad at a young age, and this was her very first real world major life screw up at 42, whereas I had made a few doozies up to that point and all too well knew that life was capable to kicking me in the nuts. The shock of my reaction, losing her two long term friends, and another close work colleague she confided in, caused her to shut down for a time as most conflict avoiders tend to do. However, I have seen her mature through this over the years, and she is more self aware now than she ever has been. Maybe its a delayed reaction, or more likely finally maturing enough to accept and own her ****, but I've seen some real growth in her in just the past 6 months, and being more proactive about "US" every day.
To answer your question, at the time, if I would have went out and had a revenge A, we would have likely blew up, but now that she has accepted how much pain she inflicted, I think she would probably be inclined to give it a shot, but that's just mental masturbation, since I have no intention of putting her in that position.