To fully answer your question would take more time than I have to write and probably you have to read, but the short version is the typical drunken ONS on a girls only vacation. I trusted her too much and overlooked the selfish me, me, me red flags, and it bit me in the ass. I had been D'd before, and reconnected with someone from my hometown that had harbored a "thing" for me since grade school that I was only mildly aware of due to our age difference (5 years), which is nothing as adults, but wasn't even on my radar as a HS senior and she was 12. After what I had been through in prior relationships and now in my early 30's, it felt good to be the one pursued by the young hottie and it blinded me to the more selfish aspects of her personality, and as I said, it bit me.
I still, or maybe should say refound, respect for her, but she had to earn it back over the past nearly 10 years. My issue is more with the loss of the pride I once felt about our relationship that I considered "special", and after a lot of reflection, it is that "specialness" that I treasured so much, and still grieve its loss.
We have a very fulfilling relationship, and I know it gets thrown out a lot, but she really is my best friend. We travel very well and often together ... we spend hours and hours every week, just relaxing on our deck talking. We have a very satisfying and active sex life. We share a very active hobby together, breeding and training working bird dogs, and are the envy of most of our friends, who know nothing of our troubles, but that "specialness" pedestal that I once placed her on has been smashed beyond any repair. I also harbor some internal conflict over compromising my own values and only being able to confront the OM over the phone, since it was a ONS out of the country.
As for your last question, I work in a female dominated field, and am often cast in the role of their KISA, so I have a lot of opposite sex opportunity thrown my way and while I am human, and ego kibbles feel good every now and then, I've not been tempted to pursue them further, but I'm also 56 now and have matured greatly from some of my earlier days.
Hopefully, that answered a question or two, even though I wrote more than I originally intended.
See no real justice. The sadness in your story is why I push so hard for BS to move on. When this happened you could have moved on and not had to live with all this disappointment in your life. There are a lot of guys who do this though. So many melancholy post from men who stayed.
So here is a bunch of questions..
Why didn't you move on, did you think it was going to be this way then or did you think you would eventually return to the way the marriage was before? How did you find out? Are you sure you have all the facts and this was her first rodeo? I think people are ether cheaters or non cheaters like how you wouldn't do it, even though you had a chance and some wouldn't blame you. So I always find it fishy that someones character could just change for one single night. That doesn't fit with my experience, more like there was other maybe smaller things and boundaries being pushed. You talk about red flags was your wife always pushing the limits? Does your wife know and feel the loss too (the magic pedestal thing you talk about)? I suspect most WS don't because the didn't value it in the first place. (just read your other post which confirms my thoughts).
Here is a biggie, what if you just happened to meet someone, not looking who you really clicked with. Would you stay out of duty and honor? I don't believe you could stay out of loyalty as that went out the window.
Sorry for the interrogation.