There is no "worse". You both did the "worse". This is not a competition to see who is the least disloyal. If one were to truly follow your line of reasoning, you did "worse" because your marriage was a faithful union between two people before you stepped out.
Anything that happens after that is directly because of that, but she made her choices too, and she has to own them just as much as you will hopefully own yours... completely.
You have to own your infidelity, because there are lessons to be learned, so that you will never do it again, either to your current wife, or whomever else you pledge fidelity to in the future.
I agree. I have owned mine. I haven't fully forgave myself for it yet, but I am working on it. Mine was over 4 months ago. Hers was more recent. I agree it's not a contest, that's why I said that. However, for her not to own hers one bit is a tough pill to swallow.
Thanks for the advise on the 180 page, I am going to try to follow that to the best of my ability.
I am not sure I can make it six months like this. Maybe I can. There are also legal implications as well for waiting that long (as awful as it sounds), but I have to look out for myself as well. Our marriage counselor requested a solo session next week for the wife, so we will see how that goes. I had a solo one and explained a lot of things to him and we had a good talk. I believe he is trying to get her to see how her actions and attitude is causing more harm and disconnection in the marriage. I am not certain she will listen to him or what he will say.
She may come out of it ready to divorce, maybe not. I truly don't think she does. But I am also not going to be a door mat.
I hope this 180 thing will help me at least feel better, and then at the end of the day I will be okay regardless of the outcome.
I just started freaking out yesterday, no one wants to hear their spouse tell you to your face they are no longer attracted to you. I don't think it's physical, I think it's emotional. Hell, maybe it is physical, ha. Who the hell knows. I can't get her to talk to me the majority of the time, much less about any of this. She has completely shut down and shut me out.
Thanks to all for your advise and time. Any further advise or questions is greatly appreciated. This is the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with in my entire life. I can say that with certainty.