The state I live in automatically disqualifies a spouse from alimony or support if infidelity occurs. Hence why I am hesitant to 'wait' around to find out. The longer the wait, the more it appears to the court as condoning the affair. That is selfish, but at some point you have to be a little selfish. I still have a tiny thread of hope, and I have read and gotten advice that if you even have a tiny shroud of hope you should keep trying.
I agree with the maid thing, but my wife is a slob, always has been. She has never held up her end of the stay at home mom duties. A huge issue for all 10 years of the marriage. This is no different. The only difference is I am no longer willing to allow my child to live in filth and think it's okay.
You have got to be kidding. What on earth! You have the nerve to think you can use adultery as a reason to divorce and to get a better deal after you are the one who started all this. You are apparently too blind to realize that you broke your wife's heart and she has not in any way, shape, or form recovered. In fact she had a revenge affair. She didn't do it because she was interested in the man. She did it to get back at you. To punish you for your affair. She is extremely angry with you, which would explain her extreme pot usage. It calms her down. I don't know which would be worse: the constantly stoned wife or the screaming, freaking out, screaming wife that you would get if she weren't stoned. Probably #2 so she could at least get it out and maybe start dealing with her pain. You have made yourself one seriously messed up situation.
I'm not saying your wife isn't responsible for her terrible behavior or that what she did was right. It wasn't, but it is extremely hypocritical and mean for you to try to use her adultery against her. If you do and if your attorney is foolish enough to go that route, all of your adultery would be exposed and it would probably fall right back into your lap.
Again not excusing her, but it seems to me that you must be utterly clueless to be so dense about the severity of your wife's pain. You obviously have not dealt well with the aftermath of the earthquake you caused. Am I saying your wife's adultery was your fault. Hm... I really want to say yes, but nope, that's on her. However you created the storm and she made bad choices on how to deal with it.
Now you should stop thinking about how you can get the best deal in the divorce, but on thinking what you can do to help your wife recover from the terrible shock and pain she went through so she can calm down, heal, and be a good mom to your child.