Cheating I think but she denies all of it - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

User Tag List

 175Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 10:40 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Warm in the summer, cold in the winter
Posts: 2,187
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Two ways you can effectively handle this.

Response 1) hire a PI, have PI follow wife and get both video and photos. Var in the car and where she talks most at home. Stop confronting. Go dark or 180 as a result of what you have found. If PI confirms affair, make ten packets containing evidence. File for divorce. Have your wife served at work. When your wife is being served have PI deliver packet to OMW. Have a packet attached to divorce papers. List the reason for divorce as adultery and Tom smith. Deliver a copy to your wife's parents. If OM works at the gym, deliver a packet to the gym.

Response 2) hire a PI, same as above. Once confirmed, take a packet to the gym when your wife is there. Once at the gym give her the packet and tell her this just came special delivery. I thought you might like to look at it. After she looks ask very loudly for her to introduce you to Tom smith. She will most likely ask you to quiet down or leave. Ask again even louder, but add who is Tom smith? The Tom smith who is having an affair with my wife. Now you have created an environment at the gym that your wife will want no part of. Go home and move her belongings into spare room. File for divorce, reason is adultery and Tom smith, attach packet and have her served at work. Deliver packet to her parents. Implement 180 hard.

I say to file for divorce as a way to end the affair, you can stop the divorce if you decide otherwise. Wait six months before deciding what you want to do. Best of luck to you.


Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
drifting on is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 10:52 AM
Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southeast
Posts: 3,156
You are like most betrayed spouses. You really don't want to believe she's having a full blown sexual affair so you keep yourself in denial.

It's full blown cheating. Anyone can see this. Making excuses, denying will not get you out of this.

Wake up, you are letting yourself be played for a fool.
Marc878 is online now  
post #18 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:08 AM
Member
 
Keke24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Caribbean
Posts: 537
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

OP, seriously? You think she's cheating? It's bad enough there's one liar in the picture, you really should stop lying to yourself.

You know she's cheating. You know she knows the truth but she's choosing to withhold it from you. You yourself know the truth but you'd rather get worked up over her lies so you won't have to deal with the reality of the situation.

She's obviously cheating. What are you going to do about it?
Keke24 is online now  
 
post #19 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:14 AM
Member
 
badmemory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,572
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Your wife is insulting your intelligence with her ridiculous excuses and lies. It's really to the point of being comedic. Of course she's having sex; probably with more than one man.

Until she tells you the whole truth and demonstrates complete transparency, your path should be directly toward divorce. If that doesn't happen, complete the D and move on with your life. No delay, no negotiation. Implement the 180 during the process.

If she does decide to come clean, you've reached the next phase where you can at least make a decision to "consider" R - based on her remorse and acceptance of consequences. That is, if you can get past what she's done otherwise.

Keep posting.

Last edited by badmemory; 04-11-2017 at 12:36 PM.
badmemory is offline  
post #20 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:20 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 5
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Ok, thanks for the responses so far. Moving the thread to the right place definately upped the ante.

1. I have GPS, her car is tracked for her firm, so i know her movements as I do the submissions each month
2. I can track her phone, it is a shared account on apple, so i have find my iphone
3. I know "Tom", and have done for 2 years. Family man, lives locally, has kids - seems very strange for him too

I had got past the first emotion affair, of the texts, she was so convincing and i believed her, and everything added up.

Most of the notes after this, and through the start of this year, have been that, friendly but nothing more untwoard. then there are the random curve balls every now and again.

the so-called setup in her eyes the other week is what made me snap again. Now the only saving grace that that went in is that the language was completely not in keeping with what and how this guy would say it. remember i've seen a lot of boring stuff from the two of them that is friendly, but not flirtatious or even remotely sexual. Then it really laid on heavy in a very quick fashion. NONE of the notes, email drafts, texts, prior whatsapps had come remotely close to this, other than the original messages with "Adam" and even then the language was different.

The ONLY thing that makes me beleive there has been ANY contact between the two is the "setup" from a few weeks ago. If it was not for this, it would all be emotional affair - which i know is no better and can be worse, but is easier to deal with.

At present this guy is in another country for 8 weeks, and has been already for two, so everhthing at present is messages only. I don't beleive for a second she is video-ing herself and sending them, the recovery software pics up deleted photos and videos when it scans. It is only whatsapp that is the issue. once deleted, its gone. she knows about the web interface that i was using and recording through the night, so she can check beforehand.

I know and get what you are all saying, but it is her utter defence, which of course can be lied, and puton and puton to an exceptionally high degree, but she is so stonewalled in it. She offers me her phone and says i can use the recovery software witghout issue - with her there, but the issue is whatsapp, which is her prime method of communication. she is not smart enough to know that once its deleted, everything is 100% deleted, unlike photos and messages etc which can be recovered.
lostrightnow is offline  
post #21 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:23 AM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 566
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

It seems that so many guys do not want to believe what is right in front of them until it hits them in the eyes. If it looks like cheating, reads like cheating and feels like cheating, it is cheating. For some reason we hold sex as the yardstick of cheating when it is simply a physical act. What is the difference between sending someone naked pictures of yourself in all sorts of porn poses and doing it in person? Not much, as the intent is the same as it is with what you have found.

People cling to straws rather than face the inevitable. They delay the divorce with MC and legal Separations to ease the other person down slowly. A psychologist once wrote that even when caught in the act, if the wife keeps denying what her husband saw, over a period of time he wants to believe that his wife did not cheat so much, that he will doubt his own memory and perhaps his wife was bent over just to show the naked guy how to hike a football as she said.

As my wife just told me, when it comes to divorce, men handle it like they do going to the doctor. They wait until the pain is unbearable until they see the doctor.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 04-11-2017 at 01:55 PM.
Vinnydee is online now  
post #22 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:27 AM
Member
 
Thor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 8,771
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Your wife is solidly giving you Cheater Speak. Yeah, I know you don't want to believe it. You want to hold onto the hope that there is some chance this is all not what it seems.

I think you have really only one path to peace here, and that is to put the burden on your wife to prove nothing has happened.

You can't prove 100% she has had sex with someone else, though you certainly have 100% proof of terribly disloyal behavior. If you take away the issue of her having sex with someone, would you consider staying with her? What if nothing changes, would you stay? Or, would you only stay if she changed her behavior to eliminate the disloyal sexually oriented stuff with other men?

Again, let's assume she didn't have sex with other men. But you do have the photos and messages. What would it take for you to remain married to her?

I suspect the answer is she would have to change all of that behavior before you would feel happy in the marriage. So, how do you force the issue to resolution?

The answer is swift strong action. You can't Nice her or nudge her into changing. You have to walk her to the edge of the cliff and hang her out over the edge. The way you do that is put the burden of proof on her. As long as you keep trying to convince her that she has cheated, she is going to keep trying to verbally joust with you. This is called "Gas lighting", where the cheater tries to convince you that you are imagining or misinterpreting everything.

The way to short circuit the gas lighting is to say you know what you know, and it is unacceptable. Thus you file for divorce. This makes the other person have to work to dig out of the hole.

It sounds like you're in the UK. You need to understand divorce laws where you live, so you should do lots of research and consult with a lawyer. If proof of infidelity helps you in divorce, gather the data per your lawyer's advice. If not, don't bother.

Filing for divorce will either motivate her to prove to you nothing happened, or she'll walk away. This gets you on the path to resolution one way or another. Many cheaters panic when divorce is filed and they come back to the marriage and try to fix things. Success isn't guaranteed, but at least they are on the pathway. You can require marriage counseling and a polygraph as terms for you trying to reconcile.

You can pause or stop the divorce at any time. You can even get remarried after the divorce. Filing divorce is a powerful tool to kill the affair and shock the cheater into reality.

Or, you can continue to play the cat and mouse game of trying to find proof positive of her cheating. She will hide as best she can, and she'll gaslight you on whatever you do find. She'll use care not to have anything incriminating out there to be found.

Don't let her guilt you for spying. She broke trust when she got involved in the first messages and pictures. You have every right to know what is going on in your marriage.
Thor is offline  
post #23 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:40 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 25
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

It looks quite obvious that she is lying and is at least messing around with this guy.

A P.I could probably easily find out about this guy from the gym. Check her underwear she wears to the gym. You can use semen detection tests. Try and put some spyware on her phone....don't scrimp...buy a good app.

Just tell yourself that you are going to get hard evidence...get your head down and do it. You have already given her a chance to come clean. If you keep badgering her it will be harder to get evidence because she will be on guard.

Get evidence then share it with *********'s wife.
smi11ie is offline  
post #24 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:48 AM
Member
 
Keke24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Caribbean
Posts: 537
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostrightnow View Post
At present this guy is in another country for 8 weeks, and has been already for two, so everhthing at present is messages only. I don't beleive for a second she is video-ing herself and sending them, the recovery software pics up deleted photos and videos when it scans. It is only whatsapp that is the issue. once deleted, its gone. she knows about the web interface that i was using and recording through the night, so she can check beforehand.
What web interface? Do you mean whatsapp web?

What kind of phone is she using?

In the past when I've deleted whatsapp and reinstalled, the app asks if you'd like to restore/recover data for back-up. Perhaps try this to see if it recovers deleted texts/media.

And why in the world does she need to be there when you run recovery software on her phone? What kinda half-assedness is this?
Keke24 is online now  
post #25 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:49 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 5
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

what is the best software, specifically for iphone. that can track or send her whatsapps etc?

i have access to her phone, i have her passcode so can install, but do these apps not have icons, and do they stay invisible? how would they be removed?

lostrightnow is offline  
post #26 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:49 AM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: North Coast Nationalist-burg, U.S.A.
Posts: 2,190
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

If "nothing else" :

The nude photos of her did not "materialize" on their own.

She gave her naked image to another man. He is now masturbating while looking at it.

Isn't that enough to dump her?

Anything else is icing on her Cake.

The Cake is stale. It came from poor Miss Havishams Estate.

She has been slathering fresh icing on it. Icing laced with her horny bodily juices.

The Cake with the fresh icing is toxic. Her excuses are toxic.

When your cake-eating WW speaks to you in person, her words and breath get inhaled by you.

She will kill you with the stench of deceit.

Leave this women. Quickly.

You must "Air Out" your life. And air-out your Closet of Horrors. She was in that closet. You opened the door and let in the light. Exposed her under-her-skirt handiness.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
SunCMars is offline  
post #27 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:05 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: central US, not unicorn fantasy land
Posts: 1,269
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

go see your attorney.

File for D.

she does not respect you and is playing games.

So the result is D. Then if she does not want to D, have her prove she did not have and A, and has stopped all contact with the OM. and have her inform his wife. She needs to start protecting you, not the OM.

She gave vows to you. She has to show you that she now goes to a home gym at your house. And all of her games stop.
harrybrown is offline  
post #28 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Warm in the summer, cold in the winter
Posts: 2,187
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Quote:
Originally Posted by lostrightnow View Post
what is the best software, specifically for iphone. that can track or send her whatsapps etc?

i have access to her phone, i have her passcode so can install, but do these apps not have icons, and do they stay invisible? how would they be removed?


Since you have it all backed up, the best "software" is called the USPS. This "software" can be tricky at times so please use caution. Make copies of your evidence, put in an envelope addressed to OM's wife, carefully place a stamp OMW the upper right corner, seal the envelope and drop in a big blue mailbox. Now go to the grocery store and purchase a couple boxes of movie theater butter popcorn, then wait by your microwave. When your wife gets home press start on the microwave. If she is nice to you, package wasn't received yet. Repeat for the next several days until your wife comes home screaming. Press start and enjoy your popcorn as she flips her ****.

OP, I hope you see my sarcasm as well as the point I'm trying to make, your wife is cheating. My wife didn't use her phone, forget software, instead do it using people to get the results you need.

Don't believe everything you hear, and only half of what you see.


Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.
drifting on is offline  
post #29 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:36 PM
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 8,650
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

My guess is she has another phone you know nothing about.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
Hope1964 is offline  
post #30 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:36 PM
Member
 
eric1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 891
Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

You have enough to expose to her boyfriend's spouse. Blow that up first. Your first goal is and must be to just simply to get yourself out of infidelity.

Then have her delete WhatsApp. The counterpoint is that she may find other ways to conduct her affair, but deal with and eliminate the knowns. It's all you can do. You're not a game warden but if you have any hope of reconciliation then you need to blow this the **** up.

She has quit the gym, right?

----
eric1 is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Which is worse serial cheating or emotional cheating? theworkwidow Coping with Infidelity 55 09-01-2016 08:51 PM
Newlyweds...cheating husband honesty61 Coping with Infidelity 38 08-28-2016 04:05 AM
The Cheating Culture? Octobergirl Coping with Infidelity 5 04-10-2016 04:11 PM
My wife is convinced I am cheating on her. Dopplar The Ladies' Lounge 21 04-10-2016 02:39 AM
How to tell if he is cheating...again. alpha24 Considering Divorce or Separation 6 12-08-2015 09:45 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome