Cheating I think but she denies all of it - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:37 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Just reading your first post it is evident this has gone physical. Your W is in survival mode.

BTW, no more gym.


“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #32 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:41 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Denial is bad mechanism and you are deep in it. Dump her.

No more talking, no more snooping, no more living this deceit.

Her cheating and lies are on her. You keeping your head in the sand is 100% on You!

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #33 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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Originally Posted by lostrightnow View Post
what is the best software, specifically for iphone. that can track or send her whatsapps etc?

i have access to her phone, i have her passcode so can install, but do these apps not have icons, and do they stay invisible? how would they be removed?
There are no apps that I know of that can track whatsapp. The only similar option would be to log into WhatsApp web or delete and reinstall the app as suggested earlier.
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post #34 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

You think she is cheating?

Come on dude, you know she is.

She of course will deny til the day she Dies!

Expose her to family and friends. Expose the married other man as well. Leave her to pick up the shame she deserves. Don't take this woman back. She has no love or respect for you. That came off whoend her cloths came off and exposed herself to another man.

How much more of a fool do you want to become?

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #35 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:05 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Before you decide that you'll do badly in a divorce, talk to an attorney. Some offer free consultations. Do not let financial issues turn you into a cuckold. If she earns more than you, it's likely that she'll have to pay you alimony for a long time.

My guess is that local man is the one she's having a physical, sexual affair with. She's pretending it's the distant guy to throw you off the trail and pretend that it's only texting.

Whether you want to reconcile with your wife or divorce your wife, the path is the same: you need to get tough very fast, and make it clear that her cheating is completely unacceptable and that you're not a fool who can be trifled with. This reboot of respect in the relationship is absolutely necessary for her to regain her attraction to you and make reconciliation possible. At this point, she has not only cheated on you, but has insulted your intelligence and toyed with you.

And if you choose the divorce route, she will relearn respect very quickly.
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post #36 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:32 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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now she’s paranoid as ever, she’s deleted all WhatsApp message attachments, she deletes every conversation from Tom Smith on WhatsApp the moment it is read, BUT i’ve caught her sloppy one day and the number that is his, or not his, that she has made up is now saved down in her phone as a different name. i'm in so much pain and day by day is a struggle.

We've sat down and talked about all of this four times now, so she is losing patience in me, and i am obviously at my wits end with her.
She was sending nude photos to another man and she has the nerve to be "losing patience" with you for having brought this up "four times now"? Are you kidding me? And after this she still has not gone full no contact with both Tom and Adam, but instead now deletes every conversation these other men? Sorry but she is an un-remorseful cheater that is still actively cheating. I find it amazing how after being caught cheating (sending nude photos is cheating on its own) she claims to have the right to privacy so that she can continue to cheat. You need to stop waiting for an admission that she will never give you, and start to take action.
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post #37 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:41 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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You're a doormat and she is walking all over you. Find your balls, man up, and divorce her. You should be able to get some alimony from her if she makes significantly more $$. Probably only reason she isn't divorcing you, so blow up her little world.

For s&g, I'd put a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder... get a Sony at Walmart for $50) in her car and listen on her phone conversations or if someone else is in there with her. Should be entertaining.
People who use the word bloke don't have Wal-Mart!

We have Currys which might help. Www.amazon.co.uk might also be useful.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #38 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:43 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

And OP, get tested for STDs.

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #39 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:44 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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And OP, get tested for STDs.
yes yes YES! Please do

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #40 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:48 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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the so-called setup in her eyes the other week is what made me snap again. Now the only saving grace that that went in is that the language was completely not in keeping with what and how this guy would say it. remember i've seen a lot of boring stuff from the two of them that is friendly, but not flirtatious or even remotely sexual. Then it really laid on heavy in a very quick fashion. NONE of the notes, email drafts, texts, prior whatsapps had come remotely close to this, other than the original messages with "Adam" and even then the language was different.
She actually has you believing that it might have been a setup? Considering that you caught her in an at least an emotional affair (EA) that included full on nude photos, that this is plausible is absurd. Even if you step out of the world or reason and believe her, how dare she do this in light of you having caught her cheating. She is as unremorseful of a cheater that you will find on this site. You if you want to stay in this marriage, you need to establish a new set of martial boundaries. And BTW, stop basing your actions on believing her ridiculousness lie that it might not have been Tom, it was Tom. Logic and facts do not change because the cheater said so. The messages said that was Tom that she was cheating with because it was Tom.

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post #41 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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Originally Posted by Bibi1031 View Post
You think she is cheating?

Come on dude, you know she is.

She of course will deny til the day she Dies!

Expose her to family and friends. Expose the married other man as well. Leave her to pick up the shame she deserves. Don't take this woman back. She has no love or respect for you. That came off when her cloths came off and exposed herself to another man.
Yes, when you look at your wife in the buff. It is [in reality] light reflected off of her skin. That reflected light is processed by your eyes [optic nerves] and by the brain.

When you look at a photo of her or an image on the computer screen it amounts to the same thing.

Your naked wife is now in a POSOMs brain. And the things that he is doing to her.

Wooof-a! ....... I shudder when I think about it.

Men are visual. And he is visually having his way with her beautiful body.

Sorry, man.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #42 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:54 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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Of course she's having sex; probably with more than one man.
I figure the one named Adam may have been the first. Tom is now the one doubting the affair will continue now that the cats out of the bag.

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #43 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:56 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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Originally Posted by Bibi1031 View Post
You think she is cheating?

Come on dude, you know she is.

She of course will deny til the day she Dies!

Expose her to family and friends. Expose the married other man as well. Leave her to pick up the shame she deserves. Don't take this woman back. She has no love or respect for you. That came off whoend her cloths came off and exposed herself to another man.

How much more of a fool do you want to become?
There is 100% absolute proof that she is cheating and carrying on a relationship behind his back. The only discussion point is if it's gone physical, which is really just a rounding error in the big scheme of things. It doesn't change what he needs to do one iota.

----
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post #44 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:18 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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There are no apps that I know of that can track whatsapp. The only similar option would be to log into WhatsApp web or delete and reinstall the app as suggested earlier.
I believe there is one.

It is called "Whats App-ening"!

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #45 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:27 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

I'm sure this will fall on deaf ears as has the advice of the others. You are now on page 3 here and no one reading this does not believe that your wife is already having sex with him. So I'll start by telling you that when a group of strangers who do not know each other but who all have gone through this come to the same conclusion, the group is very rarely wrong.

Now my guess is you are going to continue to stay in denial and play the "pick me" game until you catch her in the act, which is going to be very hard since she has already intimidated you into backing down four times that I have counted here.

So you have two choices
(1) continue to enjoy your new found open marriage that she has created for you
(2) get out of infidelity, and that does not guarantee you will stay married

Should you choose #1, stop reading and buy some Pepsid to soother your guts that are going to be churning

Should you choose #2, since you have no reason to believe her and she has obviously taken this underground, you can unravel this very quickly. See an attorney, have divorce papers drawn, and give them to her. You can stop it at any time. Then you tell her that when she passes a polygraph proving that she has not had sex with him or anyone else, and that she is not still sexting him or communicating with him, you may stop the divorce from finalizing. my bet is she will NEVER agree because she is gaslighting you and does not believe she cannot back you down again.

Her denying it should mean nothing to you coming from a proven liar. Now if you proceed on your current course, you are in for a lot of pain, and you are not in a court of law. You have enough "evidence" to dump her already. Until she actually believes that could happen she has no reason to change anything she is doing because you are tolerating it with no consequencwes other than you pouting and being mad.

Time to change directions buddy or you will be in the same spot or worse if this thread goes on for hundreds of responses.
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