Cheating I think but she denies all of it - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:19 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Yeah. Your wife is banging other men.

Btw, she doesn't love you anymore and you should just move on.

She was sexting other men and sending nude pics to other men.

You are just putting yourself trough worse anguish by hanging on. Please, I'm sorry.
You your marriage as you knew it is over.

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post #47 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:39 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

I'm sorry lostrightnow. Your wife has been having a full blown physical affair. I know you need to minimize it in your mind but it is what it is. Not only that but she thinks she's in love with this guy and it trying to protect him by giving you false names. If you think reconciliation is a possibility then you have a couple of steps to take. #1 is exposing the affair and #2 is making her leave the house. That's how you not only blow up the affair but let her know that you're not setting at home waiting for her to decide what she wants to do. She thinks if things don't work out with Adam ( yea his name is Tom and he lives close by ) then she can just stay with you. In her mind you're her fallback plan B option. You have to snap her out of that.

Now on the other hand if you're done with her then exposure is still the first step because her and Tom have been destroying one or two families with no regard for the consequence. And if not exposed then she will paint you as the reason for the divorce.

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post #48 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:44 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Denial is a very powerful force. You very desperately want to believe that this is all a big misunderstanding and that she isn't actually getting it on with other men.

So each time you ask her if she is cheating and she says no, the Denial Monster grows bigger and more powerful.

The way you defeat the Denial Monster is to stop asking her and find the truth for yourself.

Place VARs in her car and any other place she may have a private conversation.

Hire a PI or get a trusted friend or relative that she does not know to follow her to the gym.

You will soon have the truth.
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post #49 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

However, the truth is for YOU. It is not to convince her. She knows more about what she is doing than you ever will. You only know the very tip of the iceberg..

You do not need her confession or consent to take action to protect yourself and your assets.
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post #50 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:59 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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Originally Posted by oldshirt View Post
However, the truth is for YOU. It is not to convince her. She knows more about what she is doing than you ever will. You only know the very tip of the iceberg..
You do not need her confession or consent to take action to protect yourself and your assets.
Oldshirt, don't be delusional.�� One can see 15% of an iceberg. Do you REALLY think OP knows 15%?
I'm thinking maybe 1%, and I'm being generous.

Honestly, he is where I was. Unless he sees her riding the guy in their matital bed and his friend has it on video, he's going to minimize it.
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post #51 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 07:02 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Even if she's not having sex with these men OP, you're still co-starring in your own marriage. Other men shouldn't be in your marriage, alongside you. I echo everyone's advice, and I hope you take it. Sorry you find yourself here.
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post #52 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 10:35 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Sucker with a capital S even if this stuff is not what it seems just being party to a joke like this is enough to turn the world upside down .
A set up to do what make out she has 2 lovers and not just the one if your any where believing any of this rubbish id give it away
She appears to be the smoothest talker ive ever heard black and white evidence staring you right in the face and her getting away with it with out even breaking a sweat
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post #53 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 01:15 AM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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Originally Posted by lostrightnow View Post
Apologies on the wording, a lot to get down. Whether it is Tom or Adam is only useful for my mind. If it was Adam, its a bloke who is not local, was only on text, no physical contact. If it was Tom, he lives in the same town and goes to the same gym.
And you've not spoken to Tom/Adam why?

Another man is trying/ may have banged your wife, continues to message her without fear of you, your wife continues to message him. Why?
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post #54 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 01:51 AM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

If it was a setup, in all likelihood she did it to throw you off the scent and claim some moral high ground to shame you.

It's clever, controlling and manipulative.

Is this how an honest remorseful wife would behave?

You made some mistakes in trying to expose this affair, it's ok everyone does.

Do the voice activated recorders (VAR's), double velcrowed under her car seat and somewhere in the house where that makes sense and she will not find it.

This has gone physical, no doubt.

Probably gone underground because you trusted her and exposed before you had enough evidence. Can you see how that was a mistake?

Cheating changes you (i.e. the cheater), big time.

Even if you were a perfect husband now, she is not going to want to let this go, or stop. Only the realization of the damage and hurt she had caused can save this.


That requires consequences.

You will have to expose (at the right time) and file, to right the ship.

So sorry. I really wish you well.

Last edited by Decorum; 04-12-2017 at 02:10 AM.
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post #55 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 02:10 AM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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Originally Posted by lostrightnow View Post
what is the best software, specifically for iphone. that can track or send her whatsapps etc?

i have access to her phone, i have her passcode so can install, but do these apps not have icons, and do they stay invisible? how would they be removed?
It's a keystroke monitoring software. It will capture every key stroke the makes and take screen shots. And then sends them to a website where you can check out what it has captured. So once it's on her phone, you don't need to access her phone to check the info.


https://www.webwatcher.com/?gclid=Cj...jpMhoCfuvw_wcB

If you use it, or something like it, don't confront her every time you get some info. back off, let her think that you have accepted what she's told you. And then just watch. Get more data than you think you need. Then come here and talk to us about it and let us help you make a plan.

What you have been doing is alerting her. So she knows what you are doing and can go further and further underground.

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post #56 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 05:03 AM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

Yes, she's cheating. Yes, of course, she denies all of it. A few cheaters admit what they've done when they're caught but most deny it and keep that lie going for the rest of their lives. She obviously doesn't want a divorce, and fears what you might do, so she likely isn't going to come clean about this. You may find more evidence but you may not. Then you have to decide if you can live with someone who continues to lie about what she's done. I lived that life for a long time but I don't recommend it.
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post #57 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 05:26 AM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

And you have reason to believe anything she tells you? Please save yourself, she is lying through her teeth. You have to stop this now and take action.

1. get tested for STDs yesterday
2. Go see a lawyer and see how much she will have to pay you
3. Tell everyone, blow up her world and OM world tell his wife
4. Go see a therapist
5. Do the 18o for you

Keep posting her and please listen to the advice on here, it may save you from a long time being miserable.
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post #58 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 11:24 AM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

How is it you have the phone number but you haven't been able to acertain who it belongs to?
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post #59 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-26-2017, 08:21 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

I can tell you from a personal stand point that if you stay anything that pertains to her will be hell. I cannot leave and have chosen to stay for my children, which not knowing the situation makes no sense. Experienced almost the same as you, however a bit different. Anything involving, I say my husband but I have never actually had the pleasure of being married, is just miserable. Intimacy if mustered is forced only after eternity passes. Truth and marital boundaries, any morals really, are thrown out the window. Nothing can ever be built higher just dug. Like 2 college kids who don't like each other being forced to live together. There is no significant other just a pretend version of one to appease others, like weird science except not hot at all! Struggling to make it to the doctors alone because no one can watch my children. Hearing about how miserable my future will be health wise alone. All the while being the bad guy to justify his actions, if you're not there yet just wait for it! The loneliest feeling in the world is sitting next to the person you have waited your whole life for, your "best friend," your other half, the person you used to think was the strongest most amazing person looking so alluring on the pedistal you have grandeured for them all the while they are miles away.
I am happy with my children and myself in the life I have created away from him Most importantly I am happy with me! It took a long time and a lot of research and help! Reading all of this after reading what they had to write would you not only be willing but be strong enough to stay with this woman as she dangles her strings and smashes your face in the dirt? Either way, the one thing that I will advise you is to never loose yourself. Don't let your actions assist in that. For instance for a hot second I thought well I guess our relationship is open. Truth is I am too strong for that ****. I will not give any more of myself to this. So don't EVER take the peices of yourself and give them to her!

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post #60 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-26-2017, 08:50 PM
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Re: Cheating I think but she denies all of it

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Originally Posted by lostrightnow View Post
I've kept everything, the explicit texts, the deleted notes, the photos i've never received. She is extremely remorseful when i have confronted her, and ultimately it is that that throws me. Not that she couldn't obviously lie about that, but the manner in which she does it. She could up and leave with no real knock-on to her.

As I have no exact physical proof of anything physical, or anything i can categorically say is this Tom Smith, i have not appraoched anyone else - no point ruining others lives. But he is married and also has kids.

how do i go about moving to right section?
Dear Lost;

You don't need proof. Your marriage is in crisis. You and your wife need to decide whether you want to remain married and work on reconciliation or not. Don't waste your time and effort or hers on trying to find "proof." Even if you find it, you she will still need to decide on saving or endnig the marriage.

You sound like you would like to stay married. You have given your wife every chance to change her ways. She has told you, through her actions of being secretive and deleting things that she does not value your marriage enough to work on reconciliation.

You have tried. Your next step should be marriage counseling to see if they can get her attention. If that doesn't work, you next step is a divorce attorney.
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