Cheating I think but she denies all of it
Massive dump coming:
We have been married for 9 years this year and have two children. I have been stressed the last few years with work and commitments which has led to me being an arse to my wife. Not violent, or direspectful or anything bad, just grumpy, short and lacking enthusiasm.
Last year I got made redundant and went full time self employed which has immediately changed my whole outlook on life. I'm now happy, easy going, relaxed etc. Everyone including my wife has noticed.
In November though, I used my wife's iPad to search for a video for the kids and she had left messages open and what was there was a procession of messages to a man "Tom Smith" from the gym, talking about having sex, her being wet, him wanting to be near her etc. I was devastated. In this procession were two completely naked photos of my wife. No shyness, complete nudity. NONE of the messages referred to any actual real life act - it was all writing, no comment on them physically together, this i believe from these messages.
I was broken. She was away at the time, so I was patient and waited till her day was done and texted her we were done.
When she got home, we spoke and she said it was a different man, a "Adam Smith" but somehow his credentials had come up under "Tom". She had been unhappy with our life and I was so grumpy, she felt enlivened about somebody talking to her in this way and paying her attention.
We patiently waited this out and I slept in another room for a week before we moved past this, but by now I was paranoid, so I started randomly checking her phone, all was going ok until I found one inferring "making out at the gym" I confronted my wife who said it was a typo and was meant to be "work out"
However now I'm wired and have used recovery software. I have found notes all the time, to, I can only presume "Tom Smith" as they mention places he has been with work. My wife writes most of her messages in notes to check spelling etc before sending.
I found one alluding to her being in a sauna and it bringing back thoughts and how she misses her time at the gym with him as she can “no longer touch him the way she used to”. I sat her down and told her i found this, and she flat out denied it. couldn’t even remember ever writing something like that. there have been other photos, but when asked about these, she says they were meant for me, even though some i have never received, and apparently she didn’t send as she was not happy with them.
I found other bits that i didn’t bring up with her, one about “i’ve not done anything disingenuous or salicious (apart from with you|).” that was obviously a message to him.
he’s clearly sending her photos too, as one note says “there are other photos? i’d happily be explicit with you”.
I started recording the WhatsApp messages through the night, but as it was only the home page bit not the whole message view, i could only see the start of the messages. one conversation went on. “you’ve seen mine, you’re in debt up to your eyeballs, i’ve made you c@me, can’t wait to do that to you in your car”. when i said we were done again, she said this was a setup and that she had setup that the reponse messages would come from another friend she had confided in and that she had sent a script to them. We had a massive blow out, she hit the roof i was spying and i hit the roof that this is what i had witnessed. she reads the messages and then deletes the whole conversation, so there is nothing i can retrieve using software. she proclaimed that the number on the WhatsApp was not Tom Smith but this other friend in part of the setup. But its not, i know its not.
I love my wife, and everytime i confront her, she is so convincing, she says she could just walk out if she wasn’t happy (she could, she earns a lot of money compared to me and could just leave). she promises that there is nothing with this Tom Smith and that everything from the original batch of text messages was Adam Smith.
If it was just that, i wouldn’t be concerned, but its all these notes that have been drafted but i don’t know whether they have been sent.
now she’s paranoid as ever, she’s deleted all WhatsApp message attachments, she deletes every conversation from Tom Smith on WhatsApp the moment it is read, BUT i’ve caught her sloppy one day and the number that is his, or not his, that she has made up is now saved down in her phone as a different name. i'm in so much pain and day by day is a struggle.
We've sat down and talked about all of this four times now, so she is losing patience in me, and i am obviously at my wits end with her. but when things aren't at the forefront, everything is great.