Wife cheated and is now pregnant

EraveXK · 01-03-2012, 10:55 PM

I am having such a hard time trying to figure out what to do.

My wife cheated on me the first time before we were married. We were living together and went out to the bar. It turned out that one of our friends new the owner and after the bar closed we were allowed to stay. Well I went out for a smoke and got locked out. She spent the night with one of the bartenders while I freaked and called the police. Of course we were wasted. Any way she tells me she did not have sex with him. I suppose I do believe that. This was in 2004 or so.

So there was no infidelity again until Oct 2010. On our anniversary she went out with a friend and did not return until the next morning. She told me that she stayed at her brothers. Recently she said yes stuff happened that night but no sex. We seperated for about a month and in that time she started sleeping with him. It ended and we got back together with the intention of working it out. I moved back in then we moved to a larger city and things just did not change.

She ended up leaving in mid June of 2011. At the end of June our (her) nephew drowned and this was very difficulty on both of us. He came to me for advice and I would help him through difficult times. We were very close. My wife and I decided that everything that we had issues with was worth working out and she said "the little things don't matter any more. So again we decided to work on our marriage. I was living about 2 hours away and I moved back within the week. 3 days later She was at her friends and refused to come home. I went over there and confronted her. She told me she wasn't sure if she wanted me living there anymore. I told her that she had made her decision and I left. Since then she has slept with 3 different people and is now pregnant by one of them.

Over the last 3 months she has been telling me that she wants me back and she made horrible mistakes. This last guy she was with she had been seeing up until 2 weeks ago. How serious could she be about me if she is telling me she misses me and wants me back but still be pursuing this other guy? WTH? I told her I didn't know if I wanted to be with her and I needed to continue to think about it. So was it ok for her to sleep around because I didn't say yes right away? Shouldn't she have been trying to get me back or at least not see someone else? Anyway.

In the mean time I have missed her and have wanted her back. I am so much more unhappy than I ever was with with her before. I want to be there for her because I still love her. I believe I can accept the infidelity and this new child but I have the trust issue still. She has told me that she is sorry and that she loves me and this will not happen again. Of course I believe her because I want to. I need some perspective. The past is the past but what if this happens again? Should I even be thinking about going back to her?

I should mention that we have a 6 year old son together and I also miss him. I know he needs me and I need him.

Yardman · 01-03-2012, 11:06 PM

No, don't think about getting back with her. Get ahold of a lawyer asap. Run a paternity check on your son too.

Complexity · 01-03-2012, 11:12 PM

You'd be completely insane to go back with her.

PHTlump · 01-03-2012, 11:29 PM

First, your fiance has sex with another man while you're locked outside banging on the door. Then, she has sex with another man on your anniversary. Then, she has sex with three other men (that you know about), gets pregnant, the baby's daddy doesn't want her, so you're the backup plan. And you're wondering if you can trust her after (at least) 5 physical affairs?

Is this a trick question? It seems that you have a deep desire to be cuckolded. If so, that's your business. Men and women do some messed up stuff behind closed doors. But you have a son. Please don't train him to be a future cuckold. Please have enough respect for him so that, in 20 or 30 years, if his fiance locks him out of a bar so that she can bang the bartender in peace, he doesn't waste any time knocking on the door. Please give him an example so that, if that happens, he walks away and deletes her number.

If you want your son, get a lawyer and sue for custody. It shouldn't take much legal maneuvering to portray your wife as an unstable slvt who isn't fit to be the sole parent of your child.

Good luck.

lordmayhem · 01-03-2012, 11:42 PM

You also need to lawyer up and divorce her ASAP. In many states any child born while you're stll married to her is considered a child of the marriage, regardless if you're the biological father or not. Do you want to be stuck paying child support for the next 18 years for another man's kid?
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calif_hope · 01-03-2012, 11:50 PM

Man, she screwed the bad boys, got knocked up and comes running back to you - most likely the only MAN she knows. Clearly the OM dumped her when pregnancy revealed. She comes back to you to be taken care of during the pregnancy and to be the baby daddy.

God, if it wasn't for her being pregnant she still would be out their getting notches on her bed post.

RUN, ASAP to a lawyer......she is nothing but pain and will eventually betray you again while you stay home and baby sit an other mans baby.
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calif_hope · 01-03-2012, 11:55 PM

Missed that you have a bio (are you sure?); if you care for him get custody or as much visitation time ad you can.

SIMPLY - MAN THE F*%K UP!
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EraveXK · 01-03-2012, 11:57 PM

Just to add this. I The last 3 guys were when we were technically seperated and she said she didn't think I would take her back. Not trying to justify anything. I do still consider it cheating but I guess I look at it as these are more forgivable.

EraveXK · 01-03-2012, 11:58 PM

And I am 100% sure my son is mine.

calif_hope · 01-04-2012, 12:11 AM

She didn't think you would take her back when you were separated but she has it in her head that you will (hope) now she is pregnant from one of her f#%k buddies - God she is a piece of work.....I hope you are documenting all this - can help when you go for custody.
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EraveXK · 01-04-2012, 12:26 AM

All I want is my family back. But I want it back with communication. Our biggest problem was always not talking. And I have to say we have done a lot of that and soul searching in the last 2 weeks. Maybe I am just looking for someone to say it's ok and everything will be fine. Maybe I should just give up.

EraveXK · 01-04-2012, 12:27 AM

Marriage used to be sacred, now it's just a convenience.

calif_hope · 01-04-2012, 12:37 AM

Look, in my opinion your wife has shown you her true colors, communication - do you want hereto tell you every time she cheats on you....you can find a women who respects you, mutual respect and respect if you vows is necissary for a family - not sure if you ever had a family with her.
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morituri · 01-04-2012, 12:38 AM

No offense but it seems that your wife doesn't waste any time in sleeping with other men if there is a separation. She seems to easily forget that she is still a married woman. Her boundaries are non-existent and other men know this. They know she can be seduced much more easily than other women.

The child may be yours but it could have been another man's child considering how easily she gave her body away to 3 other men in a 3 month period. What then huh?

And because of her promiscuous behavior, your wife is also a potential STD carrier. Some STD can mark you for life and negatively impact your ability to find a quality woman to share your life with.

Your wife needs to acknowledge that she has issues that need to be addressed and resolved before she is ready to be in a committed relationship like marriage.

And you also need to seek professional counseling because you have low self-respect issues that need to be resolved. An emotionally healthier man would not allow himself to be in the situation you are in.

You're a grown man. You should know the difference between right and wrong. I hope you choose wisely otherwise you are going to be in for a world of pain.

EraveXK · 01-04-2012, 12:48 AM

I am a man and I do know the difference between right and wrong. That is why I never cheated on her in our marriage or outside of it. Since the day I met her I have been faithful. Yes I do have low self esteem but look at what I have gone through. I haven't mentioned yet that I was married before too and have a child with her as well. My first wife also cheated on me and that is why it ended with her. After my first marriage I regretted not trying harder and that is one of the main reasons I am still hopeful of reconciliation with my current spouse.