and she's going to leave him ? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 06:38 AM Thread Starter
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and she's going to leave him ?

https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/31931c7...%27t-stop.html


Not saying he should go on like this but I don't know how she becomes the victim in this case

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post #2 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 06:44 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

Poor muffin. How horrible it must be for having your character demeaned just for... having a lack of character. I sure hope her husband can get some counseling so that he can learn to shape up and pay her some meaningless compliments about her morality.
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post #3 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 06:52 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

dear abby is an ass
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post #4 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 07:09 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

This is why my advice is always divorce and than reconcile if you want; with the guilty spouse seeking the reconciliation. What does it say about this cat who thinks his WW is a hoe and still wants to be married to her?

If you don't embody controversy, what you say will become just another part of the media driven culture of stifling thought and debate about issues.
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post #5 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 07:09 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

Guys, she's not wrong.

Look, if they're going to reconcile, they need to do it properly, especially w/ a young child and another on the way.

Personally I'd have advised the BH to kick his WW/FWW to the curb and file, but if he's not gonna do that, he needs reconcile properly.

If you're honest w/ yourselves you'll see that what you're upset about is a power dynamic that's been turned on its head.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #6 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 07:54 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

I don't see the start of a successful reconciliation, the thing I can't understand is why they were still having sex while he's like this and after the knew about the affair. She's really getting what she deserves, her husband should have filed already and not given her the choice of whether she wants to be a single mother or not.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #7 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 07:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
Guys, she's not wrong.

Look, if they're going to reconcile, they need to do it properly, especially w/ a young child and another on the way.

Personally I'd have advised the BH to kick his WW/FWW to the curb and file, but if he's not gonna do that, he needs reconcile properly.

If you're honest w/ yourselves you'll see that what you're upset about is a power dynamic that's been turned on its head.


agreed !!
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post #8 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:30 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

The both of them are complete idiots getting her pregnant again. That's about the LAST thing they need.
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post #9 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:31 AM
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Cool Re: and she's going to leave him ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by wmn1 View Post
https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/31931c7...%27t-stop.html


Not saying he should go on like this but I don't know how she becomes the victim in this case
In my book, there ain't a snowball's chance in hell for this cheating skank to even remotely come close to becoming the "victim!"

Let's look at the scenario: she covertly cheats and undermines their marriage vows, quite possibly is carrying the OM's child, is let back into the house, and she is complaining about taking an habitual ribbing about her sordid activities by an overly hurt marriage partner ~ talk about "having your cake and eating it too!"

I would think that the only reason that he really needs his a$$ kicked for was to let her back into the house like a pit viper, and then having to endure all of that placating dribble from her about curing this all with simply a MC!

That's much akin to placing a band-aid on to a gaping, gushing femoral gash to forestall the bleeding!

With that flippant "advice," Abigail Van Buren just took a vaunted nosedive into the proverbial crapper! Maybe she had better come over here to TAM and audit a little bit of the dispensed advice doled out here!

Maybe she'd learn a thing or two!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #10 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:32 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
Guys, she's not wrong.

Look, if they're going to reconcile, they need to do it properly, especially w/ a young child and another on the way.

Personally I'd have advised the BH to kick his WW/FWW to the curb and file, but if he's not gonna do that, he needs reconcile properly.

If you're honest w/ yourselves you'll see that what you're upset about is a power dynamic that's been turned on its head.
I agree. Deciding to reconcile and staying married aren't the same thing. As described, the husband has become emotionally abusive. He's not "giving consequences" or "holding his WS accountable", he's punishing her. And I get it. I really do. But behaving as he is described isn't going to help heal the marriage and it isn't ending it , either. It just keeps them both in a miserable limbo, not moving forward together or apart. Abby is right. The wife needs to either get them both into counseling so that they can begin to actually reconcile or they need to accept that the marriage was too badly damaged to be repaired and divorce.


Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #11 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:38 AM Thread Starter
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
In my book, there ain't a snowball's chance in hell for this cheating skank to even remotely come close to becoming the "victim!"

Let's look at the scenario: she covertly cheats and undermines their marriage vows, quite possibly is carrying the OM's child, is let back into the house, and she is complaining about taking an habitual ribbing about her sordid activities by an overly hurt marriage partner ~ talk about "having your cake and eating it too!"

I would think that the only reason that he really needs his a$$ kicked for was to let her back into the house like a pit viper, and then having to endure all of that placating dribble from her about curing this all with simply a MC!

That's much akin to placing a band-aid on to a gaping, gushing femoral gash to forestall the bleeding!

With that flippant "advice," Abigail Van Buren just took a vaunted nosedive into the proverbial crapper! Maybe she had better come over here to TAM and audit a little bit of the dispensed advice doled out here!

Maybe she'd learn a thing or two!
Again, I agree, Arb
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post #12 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:45 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

Lol

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post #13 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:00 AM
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Smile Re: and she's going to leave him ?

For starters, Dear Abby to fix your marriage...lol

This is a 50/50 thought/opinion.

Her Side: Regardless what is done, is done. She can't take it back or hit the rewind button. But to be belittled, or talked down to for months, ohhhh Nooo. Yes, she hurt him and destroyed him emotionally. But why should she constantly fault herself. Yes, she is to blame and has to take the consequences for her infidelity. either it is fixable or broken, to repair a marriage takes TWO, but to taking whatever punishment he throws or threatens her months after the fact, NO WAY. She had a affair and yes she deserves to be questioned, but not punished day after day. If she had a affair, then either seek a solution or dissolution. The world isn't perfect, 99% of mistakes or problems are correctable. Yes, she screwed up, not to be punished like a dog. Especially if he is doing it in front of the children or getting off on making her feel worthless. She needs to suck it up, stop the pity pool, stop playing the victim, like i said marriage takes TWO, whether it be to correct the situation and discuss it and talk about it like two married adults or act like two middle school kids playing the " I did this and he did that card." If you can't talk and work as a team then DIVORCE.

His Side: Catching the wife's affair has changed the way he looks, feels, and touches her any longer. She lied, hid, broke the bond, she gave what was intimate in their marriage and gave it to another with NO remorse until she got caught. The Affair has emotionally and physically destroyed him as a man, husband, best friend. The damage of a affair to the innocent spouse does not repair itself over night, it might be months or years, but to constantly throw it up and bash her is so CHILDISH, he needs to grow up, think about pro's and con's of the situation. Either seek to save the marriage or seek to let it go. But it takes TWO....If he loved her, he would not keep her down, or punish her like a dog. He would seek to fix and correct his wife and marriage.
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post #14 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:19 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

Reconciliation in most cases is a mistake the power dynamic is too broken. Divorce and then possible remarriage is probably a better road if you just have to be with the person who stabbed you in the back.

What is he thinking, he is married to a jerk (to be nice), and jerks are going to do what they do. And what she does is run away when it's hard even if it is the consequences of her own actions. At this point it's his fault for taking her back. She is not marriage material.

Most WS don't have the character it takes to be in a relationship with anyone. They really are only capable of shallow relationships and flings.

Last edited by sokillme; 04-12-2017 at 09:24 AM.
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post #15 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:25 AM
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Re: and she's going to leave him ?

This begs the question of what is acceptable behavior for a betrayed spouse.

What is acceptable for a wayward is often discussed, but not so much for betrayed.

I don't think becoming abusive is acceptable. Some lashing out? Sure. But if you can't stay married without being abusive it's time to leave the marriage.

Let's flip this for a minute and assume we have an unfaithful husband. How many times can his wife call him a worthless piece of **** before it becomes abusive? Maybe a few times as she processes things, but if that continues we'd all be telling him that abuse isn't ok..... and rightly so.

Knowing myself as I do I don't think I could stay married to my hb without becoming abusive if he cheated. I don't think I'd call him names or lash out, but I'd give him the silent treatment and basically cut him off, which is also abusive. I'd probably just have to leave.

We had a poster like this some time ago.....Gus knows who I'm talking about. If I remember correctly she'd kissed a couple of guys and her husband became horribly abusive after that. She even had another child with the hb, just like this one, while he continued to abuse her. Terrible situation for the kids.

And yes, she was a victim as was he. Abuse is not ok. Ever.
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