Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
What do you consider infidelity?
With the internet these days, some consider watching porn or texting to be infidelity. We are taught that view ourselves as half of a couple in a relationship with exclusive rights to each other's sexual pleasure even after doing it a few thousand times. Those who have read my posts know that I am not in a typical marriage nor do I think others should be. It takes a special mix of people to make it work and most fail.
For most, infidelity leads to thoughts of divorce, MC or separation. Sex with others is considered the ultimate sin in a marriage. How dare you get sexual pleasure from someone else who may have a larger penis than me or be a better man or lover. Jealousy is bred from insecurity and fear of loss. For many it also is an issue of ownership of your spouse like in the olden days when a wife was legally considered property. It still exists in this enlightened age we live in. Terms like, she belongs to me, she is mine, she is with me, he is my man, I am taken, she is taken, etc. abound in our language. All ownership terms.
I had what may be called a polyamory or ethical non monogamous marriage. We never labeled it. For us, infidelity is the lying and deceit that goes into an affair and not the sex part. We both had sex with others, as a couple mostly but also without each other. Not a problem because it was not done in secret. We each would stop any behavior that the other found uncomfortable. We did live most of our life in a poly triad, sharing my wife's girlfriend. Both girls are bisexual as were all my former girlfriends since I was 15. Why, I do not know but bi girls seem attracted to me.
Just wanted to let you know that behind the curtain of monogamy and/or vanilla sex, lies a whole other world that lives in non traditional marriages. These were our friends and considered as family with some. The view of infidelity that many have, is not the only view. Just want to start a discussion and not talk about my marriage. My marriage of 44+ years is still great and as my wife remarked last night, she cannot remember if we ever had makeup sex since we have not had a fight in decades. We have a solid marriage with lots of love. Enough to share with another woman.
Where do you draw the line in your head or marriage? Why do you accept a marriage structure that fails half of the time when you would not buy an item that might not work 50% of the time? Where do you seem marriage is heading with so many cheating and unhappy? How about internet relationships? For me, sending nude and suggestive photos to someone is not very different than standing nude in that other person's home. Please don't bash me. My friends and family who bashed us are all divorced, some more than once. Always found it odd that guys who cheat on their wives think playing with others as a couple is immoral. Anyway, what is infidelity in today's modern world? Is a fling that bad if it satisfies a need in your spouse that you are not able to meet for some reason and it makes her happier at home and with you. I am from the pre internet generation so we did not even know the labels that went with our lifestyle. To us it was just our normal life. Now it is very complicated with cell phones, texting, emails, posting of videos and pictures for others to see, etc..
Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.