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post #16 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:56 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it.

You aren't working through anything. She won't tell you who he is. All you are doing is rugs weeping and letting her have her way with no consequences.

She met him in a motel and screwed him but wait. I didn't catch them in the act so...... Really???? Let me explain about the excuse of "staying for the kids". It's because you aren't strong enough to deal with what you need to do. What do you think your kids will think of you taking this laying down?


I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to.

Cmon man, you don't even know who it is. The reality is you're wanting to believe because you're to weak and passive to do anything except swallow what she's giving you.

Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.

Good god!!! You are Really reaching to believe this BS!!!! Nothing but lies. You want to believe so you don't have to do anything. Like own your own life.


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It's apparent your wife controls you and the marriage. You at this time have no backbone and are being played for a fool. I got news for you. Weakness is unnattractive and women will seak out stronger men. Mr Nice Guys get walked on. How are you liking it so far?

We're here to help but you have to get up and do it yourself. No one is going to fix this for you.

Read up. It's short and if you can apply it will help you to have a life you deserve. What you're going through no one deserves that.

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf

You only know the tip of the iceberg. The thing is with your lack of action you'll get more of this.


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post #17 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:02 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.


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She is definitely lying and don't for a minute buy that line of nonsense about being ashamed to come to you for sex because she turned you down too much.

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday
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post #18 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:10 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.


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Without a confession that includes a timeline, and what they've done, how could you forgive her? You don't know what you're forgiving.

She has to quit that job. Her working at country club, where this guy is a member, they can just pick it up when the smoke clears.

I imagine he must be well off, confident, and high status. All those things are strong attractions to women. They may have had a sub/dom thing going. Getting a wife and mother to send naked pics through the internet requires some dominance.

With you displaying so much weakness, this guy just has to come on to her in a bold fashion and she'll give in. Don't think just because she's no longer sexting that it's over. Women like to submit themselves to a powerful man. He won't have to give her much. Just servicing the guy will give her pleasure.
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post #19 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:11 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Talking which is all you're doing will get you nowhere. It's your actions that count.

Same with your wayward wife. Her words mean nothing because she can't be trusted.

People can have sex in the back of his car or a dark corner in 10 minutes or less.
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post #20 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:15 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Right now you have given all the power in this marriage, instead of playing the man card demand she tells the guy is and exposing him, instead of telling her to take a polygraph, instead of exposing her to her family, your just going to bury your head....fine good luck...until the next she will cheat and trust me this is not a one off thing. At least get your self check out for std and tell to do the same.
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post #21 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:23 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

In a lot of affairs the husband is cut off from sex in order not to cheat on her other man.

Most women can't love two men at once. I suspect this is where you are. Just about all affair sex is unprotected. Better set up some STD tests.

This is a very typical affair. She's no special snowflake just another cheating wife.

The only thing extraordinary in this is the the large amount of rug sweeping and blind eyes by you.
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post #22 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:26 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

If you really want a chance at coming out of this take the phone or text number and find a name. Then expose without any warning. Consequences will help put you in a stronger light.

Do a hard 180 with your wife and move her out of your bedroom. Take off your wedding band, etc.

Go consult with a lawyer, etc. start taking some action but do it for yourself. Trying to manipulate her will get you nothing.
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post #23 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:28 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

So she rediscovered her sex drive and shared it with another man. But coincidentally, the day you found out about it, it turns out that she's been wanting sex with you all along. She just never happened to mention it. Right.

She's treated you disrespectfully for years, each time testing to see just how much you'll take. And you always took it, which caused her disrespect you even more and lose sexual interest in you.

She's indirectly asking you to assert yourself, lay down the law, and take control of the situation. File for divorce asap. You can stop the process at any point if she shows adequate remorse. Step 1 is her giving you all information about the other man. Buy a DNA testing kit and let her see you running the test on your kids. Yes, they're probably yours, but she needs to see the full ramifications of broken trust.

But honestly, she sounds so messed up that you'd be better off with a different woman.
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post #24 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:49 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

First thing is that cheaters will never tell you the whole truth. It does them no good to throw fuel on the fire. She is going to tell you as little as possible and minimise the relationship. Second thing is that you will have to live being suspicious of her for a very long time. She may grow to resent that and feel it gives her license to keep on cheating if she is not doing so already.

Always remember that a person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior which is why they say cheaters will always cheat again. The reason she cheated is still there and she only seems to know one fix for her problem. Many women cheat because they are taken for granted. Their husbands do not make them feel sex and desirable. Sex is routine and boring. With a new man they once again feel like hot sexy women. I just kissed my wife goodnight and pulled her blouse off and played with her while pressing against her to show her how she is affecting me. I was telling her how hot she is and how much she turns me on. I do this or similar every night. During the day if she is cleaning something at the sink, I will kiss the back of her neck and tell her that I love the way she smells and how horny she makes me. I am always telling her how sexy she looks in whatever she is wearing. She likes it. She giggles and feels like she did when we were first dating.

We are married 44 years, my wife is 64 and she feels sexy and desirable. She has no need for someone else to make her feel this way. So think about this in your marriage, especially when children are involved and attention turns away from the two of you and goes to the children. Women want to recapture the passion and desire that existed during the courtship phase. The problem first appears once the romantic stage, the one after courtship, fades away. No more does your brain release feel good chemical when you merely think of each other. No more being blinded of each other's faults. It is a time when married couples have to figure out if they want to spend the rest of their lives together. With children that is more difficult because most want to stay together for the sake of the kids. Women who cheat like having a safety net at home. They have it all. A husband for all the relationships stuff and a lover for the fun and games. I have been on both sides of that coin several times and know a little about it.

Your wife should be making an effort to not be secretive given the circumstances but if she is still cheating, she will continue to be guarded. My wife and I have full access to all electronic devices owned by both of us. There is nothing to hide so why act as if there is? One more interesting psychological tidbit. Some women become addicted to their new lover and will continue with them even after being caught and knowing the consequences if caught again. I had a married woman who wore no wedding ring, did not have any ring marks on her finger and never mentioned a husband, interested in me. We messed around a little but no intercourse. One night a man knocks on my car window when we were making out in the back seat of my car. It was her husband. I calmed him down and she wanted to go home with him. I asked her if she was OK and she said that she will explain and will also take care of her husband. She called me the next day to meet her in a motel. I asked about her husband and she said she promised him it was over and she has cheated and been caught before and knows that her husband is afraid of divorcing. I turned her down and she started stalking me. She showed up at places where I was. I came home to find roses on my door step. Late night calls to wish me goodnight, letters sent to my workplace where my secretary opened my mail and a nude picture of this woman fell out. On the back of that picture was a list of all the things she wanted to do to me. My secretary apologized but it was her job to screen my mail and could not fault her. I had to move to get away from her.

So you have to decide if you can live with knots in your stomach every time she is not with you or does things that look suspicious. You cannot just train yourself to think otherwise. She has lied and deceived you. She has broken a vow of monogamy. In my book there is little difference in phone sex with nude pictures and actually being together. The intent and deception is the same regardless. I cut loose an ex fiancee and a girlfriend who cheated. I could not live with someone who I was suspicious of all the time. Good think too because they both went on to cheat on their husbands. Many say that they stay married for the sake of the children but all you are doing is grasping at any reason not to go through a messy and expensive divorce. Half of today's kids come from divorced homes. It is not big deal anymore. The danger in staying together is that your children will grow up and develop their view of marriage and how to treat someone you love from their parents and staying together with a cheating mother and suspicious father will do more harm than good to your kids.. Think about it.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #25 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:00 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Kiloman, I know you feel like you are being beat up here, but most of the people here giving you advice have been exactly where you are now. They want to help you move forward as best as possible.

The mere fact that she won't tell you the OMs name tells you she cares more about him than you. Sorry you are going thru this awful ordeal.

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post #26 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:09 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
Here's the thing, I'm pretty tech Savvy, I can hack into almost anything, that's how I found out in the first place. She can barely figure out how to use her phone and I have to constantly fix it for her. She's only been seeing this guy since October 2016. I probably should have said that in the first place. So unless she has a burner phone sitting around some place there's no way she could even fart without me knowing. I actually feel guilty about this though, like I'm invading her privacy. I'm guessing that's why I feel so crappy about it.
And yet you don't know his name.

Look man, a devious intent tends to inspire a certain level of ingenuity.

To paraphrase Jeff Goldblum's Dr. Ian Malcolm...

"Cheaters find a way."
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post #27 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:18 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Kiloman, I know you feel like you are being beat up here, but most of the people here giving you advice have been exactly where you are now. They want to help you move forward as best as possible.

The mere fact that she won't tell you the OMs name tells you she cares more about him than you. Sorry you are going thru this awful ordered l.
This. QFT
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post #28 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:19 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

At least you have pretty much summed up the answer that she does indeed have a burner phone.
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post #29 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:45 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.


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Um, do you truly believe this?

For real?

For real for real?!?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #30 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 11:04 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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She won't tell me his name. I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it.
Why do you allow yourself to believe you have to "prove it?" You know the truth already. YOU KNOW IT. You said so several times before this thread hit the third page. She won't tell you his name! What does that tell you?

This is a common behavior we see in so many betrayed spouses (myself included). So many times we KNOW our spouse is boinking another, yet we dilly dally around agonizing over polygraphs, gathering proof, and a zillion other things which is just dancing around the real issue. So many betrayed spouses ignore the elephant in the room so they can agonize over all the minutia and side shows of the betrayal. I propose you just skip all the crap and cut to the heart of the matter.

Keep it simple as possible.

1. Do you know if spouse in unfaithful. Yes, or no. No need to get bogged down in trivia. Is it yes or is it no? Face the truth. If you already know the truth, then why mess around gathering more proof?

2. If yes, how will you respond? Divorce is almost always the correct answer. Divorce, or reconciliation? Answer the question. It's either one or the other? To choose the grey area in between is to sentence yourself to limbo hell.

3. If it it's divorce then you better get a lawyer and have the papers served asap. Try to simplify and focus on the core issues instead of getting sucked into peripheral stuff that may be more irrelevant than you think. Good luck.
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