Found out my wife was cheating - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 11:07 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

What are you going to do with that bridge 🌉 you are buying from her?

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post #32 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 12:23 AM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.
I dunno, sounds like her sex life has been pretty great.

For as long as you accept her lies, you're settling for less than you deserve, and you'll never have any sort of meaningful reconciliation.

Oh, and she'll keep cheating.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #33 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 02:24 AM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
Here's the thing, I'm pretty tech Savvy, I can hack into almost anything, that's how I found out in the first place. She can barely figure out how to use her phone and I have to constantly fix it for her. She's only been seeing this guy since October 2016. I probably should have said that in the first place. So unless she has a burner phone sitting around some place there's no way she could even fart without me knowing. I actually feel guilty about this though, like I'm invading her privacy. I'm guessing that's why I feel so crappy about it.


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By investigating her phone etc you are basically protecting what is yours. A fox has got into the hen house, are you going to protect the hen house or let the fox do what he likes just because you feel guilty? Man up!
She has lost the privilege of privacy when she decided to step outside the marriage, you have every right to do all in your power to find out exactly what she is up to , with whom, when, where, etc? This is your life too we are talking about!
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post #34 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 02:32 AM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Kiloman, your wife has treated you badly for years, you posted in 2013 about her.
Please go see a lawyer, get the divorce papers and just walk up to her and say , these get filed if you don't spill your guts right now. Line up a polygraph too. Go and get tested for STDs, make her get tested for STDs.

Be a man and stand up to her and show her you are taking no more of her BS, otherwise it is the door for her. Insist on a timeline, the name of the guy, (let his wife know too), a no contact letter, a letter to the golf club explaining that their staff members are fraternizing with club members (that should keep them busy) she must get a new job too.
You have the power, exercise it!

Finally, I suspect you will not do anything, you seem like a beta male and she has you whipped
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post #35 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 06:01 AM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

I just read your first thread back from 2013 and nothing is changed. Only now you know for sure she is cheating with some rich dude.

Now you need to restart your life and enjoy your time with kids and maybe find some nice woman who will bang you till you cant walk .

Ohh,make sure to expose them. Your wife and him made a hell of your life for so long and now it is your turn for some revenge.

I also belive this is not the first time your wife cheated on you.

Stay strong.
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post #36 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:20 AM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Dude don't be me!
Get out now! Or your life will be full of endless pain and questioning.
Expose. Expose. Expose.
you are "At the Mountains of Madness"
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post #37 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 08:24 AM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

I will go out on a limb and say this is not her first, just the first you caught
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post #38 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 12:26 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.


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OK, first part -- showing your kids that in a marriage it's ok to get walked on and cheated on DOES NOT HELP THEM AT ALL.

The second part is complete BS. She's ashamed to come to you but not ashamed to send nude pics/bang another guy! Seriously, you believe that logic???

She isn't giving you the truth about any of this -- she needs to come 100% clean or there is NO POINT in this and you really need to consider D. Very sorry that you are in this position, but you need to do what is best for YOU and your kids, NOT HER.
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post #39 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 12:35 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Don't consider divorce. Do it.

ARE YOU HAPPY? Well ok you ever be happy with a serial cheater?

Your sex life is not that great, based on your own words. What then, is so damned attractive about her that you can't give her up in spite of her lying, cheating, manipulative, trashy(nude pics and sleeping with married men) ways????????

I have experienced a few women in 44 years. I'll bet you will be astonished when you find a woman that is so much better in bed than your wife. You'll wonder how you tolerated her. When she thinks of your feelings and tries to make YOUR life better, you will probably have a "Fred Sanford".

Dude, your life with this woman just isn't that great. You can have a better life with a better woman. And as much as your wife likes to play, you'll get your kids PLENTY!!!
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post #40 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 04:02 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

I'm only surprised that reading you first post from several years ago no doubt me at that time seemed to give you a heads up about her cheating then.

The question is who was she banging then, the same guy or a different one (ones)?

Reread what you have written. Not one person here believes anything she says. Not only that, neither do you.

If you don't have it in you to dump her, at least find a friend with benefits. Your the only one not getting any.

How are you doing with your illness? What condition are you in?

Good luck to you and your kids? Protect yourself and them from the karma bus heading your wife's way.

Divide up your joint accounts and change you insurance policys to only go to your kids through some other route than your (cough) wife.



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post #41 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
First thing is that cheaters will never tell you the whole truth. It does them no good to throw fuel on the fire. She is going to tell you as little as possible and minimise the relationship. Second thing is that you will have to live being suspicious of her for a very long time. She may grow to resent that and feel it gives her license to keep on cheating if she is not doing so already.



Always remember that a person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior which is why they say cheaters will always cheat again. The reason she cheated is still there and she only seems to know one fix for her problem. Many women cheat because they are taken for granted. Their husbands do not make them feel sex and desirable. Sex is routine and boring. With a new man they once again feel like hot sexy women. I just kissed my wife goodnight and pulled her blouse off and played with her while pressing against her to show her how she is affecting me. I was telling her how hot she is and how much she turns me on. I do this or similar every night. During the day if she is cleaning something at the sink, I will kiss the back of her neck and tell her that I love the way she smells and how horny she makes me. I am always telling her how sexy she looks in whatever she is wearing. She likes it. She giggles and feels like she did when we were first dating.



We are married 44 years, my wife is 64 and she feels sexy and desirable. She has no need for someone else to make her feel this way. So think about this in your marriage, especially when children are involved and attention turns away from the two of you and goes to the children. Women want to recapture the passion and desire that existed during the courtship phase. The problem first appears once the romantic stage, the one after courtship, fades away. No more does your brain release feel good chemical when you merely think of each other. No more being blinded of each other's faults. It is a time when married couples have to figure out if they want to spend the rest of their lives together. With children that is more difficult because most want to stay together for the sake of the kids. Women who cheat like having a safety net at home. They have it all. A husband for all the relationships stuff and a lover for the fun and games. I have been on both sides of that coin several times and know a little about it.



Your wife should be making an effort to not be secretive given the circumstances but if she is still cheating, she will continue to be guarded. My wife and I have full access to all electronic devices owned by both of us. There is nothing to hide so why act as if there is? One more interesting psychological tidbit. Some women become addicted to their new lover and will continue with them even after being caught and knowing the consequences if caught again. I had a married woman who wore no wedding ring, did not have any ring marks on her finger and never mentioned a husband, interested in me. We messed around a little but no intercourse. One night a man knocks on my car window when we were making out in the back seat of my car. It was her husband. I calmed him down and she wanted to go home with him. I asked her if she was OK and she said that she will explain and will also take care of her husband. She called me the next day to meet her in a motel. I asked about her husband and she said she promised him it was over and she has cheated and been caught before and knows that her husband is afraid of divorcing. I turned her down and she started stalking me. She showed up at places where I was. I came home to find roses on my door step. Late night calls to wish me goodnight, letters sent to my workplace where my secretary opened my mail and a nude picture of this woman fell out. On the back of that picture was a list of all the things she wanted to do to me. My secretary apologized but it was her job to screen my mail and could not fault her. I had to move to get away from her.



So you have to decide if you can live with knots in your stomach every time she is not with you or does things that look suspicious. You cannot just train yourself to think otherwise. She has lied and deceived you. She has broken a vow of monogamy. In my book there is little difference in phone sex with nude pictures and actually being together. The intent and deception is the same regardless. I cut loose an ex fiancee and a girlfriend who cheated. I could not live with someone who I was suspicious of all the time. Good think too because they both went on to cheat on their husbands. Many say that they stay married for the sake of the children but all you are doing is grasping at any reason not to go through a messy and expensive divorce. Half of today's kids come from divorced homes. It is not big deal anymore. The danger in staying together is that your children will grow up and develop their view of marriage and how to treat someone you love from their parents and staying together with a cheating mother and suspicious father will do more harm than good to your kids.. Think about it.


As someone who recently went through all of this BS with my ***** of a wife, this is one of the best post I've read on here explaining the BIG picture. Just my two cents worth. Good stuff.


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post #42 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 04:43 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

I've read a number of posts about "demanding to know the guy's name, or else".

Knowing the guy's name helps things little. Sure, you might be able to get the guy in trouble with his wife or significant other, but damaging him doesn't erase the fact that your wife chose, of her own volition, to cheat on you. Furthermore, making divorce conditional on her giving you this information is another mistake. Just do it. File for the divorce.

Whenever there's cheating in a marriage, I think divorce makes the most sense, even if there are kids. Consider that your relationship has been damaged beyond repair, in that now, you can't trust your wife. How could you ever trust her again?

Once a cheater, always a cheater. This problems gets bigger, the longer you let this marriage remain intact.
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post #43 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 05:14 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

You can reconcile if you want, you are in charge. However, here are a couple of things to think about. First for you to be able to forgive someone, they have to confess their transgression. If she is being less than honest or half truths, this goes to show that she is not truly contrite. Also you need to have access to all passwords to media and devices. Secondly, I get the impression that the answers that she is giving appears to be rewriting history to meet the situation. The statement of not coming to you for sex, since she had turned you down previously, doesn't make sense, except as a way to excuse her behavior. It seems she wants to sweep this under the rug and move on with life. If you don't get the answers you need, it will come back to bite you in the end. Please go slow and take what she tells you with a grain of salt.
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post #44 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 05:29 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
He's a member of the club she works for. She won't tell me his name.
The fact that she will not tell you his names speaks volumes about her wanting to keep the door open to cheating with him again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns.
You do not need to prove that they had sex, or to get her to admit it, as you know enough already to know for a fact that she has lied, cheated (sending nude photos is cheating), and has gone to a hotel with the other man (OM) that she refuses to explain. The truth is there is only a 3% chance that the spouse will ever catch a cheater in the act of having sex, and only a 7% chance that the cheater will ever admit to it even when confronted with evidence (the 7% includes the 3% caught in the act). It is a fools errand to try to gather enough evidence to get the cheater to admit that they had sex, and the cheater knows this when they send you on this errand. But guess what, you do not have to do this errand if you do not want to. You have more proof than the vast majority of betrayed spouses ever will, so act on it already.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is.
She was "too ashamed to come" to you for sex because she had been tuning you down for so long, but was not to ashamed to break her marriage vows? This is the worst excuse for cheating that I have ever heard, and you believe this? BTW in saying that she turned you down for sex for so long to explain why she got if from the other man, isn't she admitting that she got sex from the OM?
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post #45 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 05:57 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
.... She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess....


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Sorry, had to jump and just quote this. Your wife IS LYING for sure.

Good luck.
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