Found out my wife was cheating - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 06:05 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

A lot of posters have said it or similar, but I just had to chime in with the following, and I really mean well.

1. You are already losing. You have said the words that easily deceived co-dependent BH's say. Just read threads across this board and any other. You said that you feel like you are invading her privacy for looking at her phone and therefore you feel bad. Your wife is cheating on you and you feel bad for checking the very device that she used to do it. Unless you change your mindset, your life is going to be more miserable than you can imagine.

2. She is lying to your face and all you can muster is, "she won't admit it" and "she can't explain the GPS". Seriously? The burden of proof is on her, and she is never going to prove it because she is lying to you. Own that and then let her know that you know and are convinced and that further denials are just insulting.

3. "for the sake of the kids".... Well, you just threw up the white flag. Stop hiding behind your kids. just own it and say, "I can't leave, let her go, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep her while she lies and cheats on me". Be honest with yourself. It is okay. Lots of BH's and BW's have done as you are doing. While it leads to more pain than you can imagine, and believe me, its worse than what you already have experienced. Why? Because now you know. Because now you hope and get it dashed. Because, now you look in the mirror every day and know that you are willing to take it over and over again no matter how much it hurts, and that is soul killing.

OTOH: FAke it till you make it. Even if you don't have the strength to follow thru: Tell her that her lies and her presence are no longer appreciated. That she can go and be with OM. That she can go and be alone. But no matter what, she can go. You will get over her. You guys will figure out how to co-parent your kids, like other divorced parent's have done, do, and will do. Let her know that lies, protecting the OM, sleeping with him, and all other forms of nastiness mean that you are going to cut her out of your life, except for matters concerning the kids. Then put her stuff in garbage bags and toss it into the living room and tell her that the bedroom is reserved for you, cause you are keeping the house and the kids.

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