Found out my wife was cheating - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:04 PM Thread Starter
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Found out my wife was cheating

So this pretty much sucks, about a month and a 1/2 ago I found a bunch of texts and naked photos of my wife from the waste up. All of them were very explicit and basically was phone sex. I confronted my wife and at first she wouldn't even respond, I'm pretty sure she was having a heart attack at this point. She owned up to it and said it was texting only, no physical contact. Right away she said she would end it with him and she left bed me and wanted to work it out. In her words "Please let me fix us". We have been working on our marriage for a little while now and things are definitely better than before, but I can't shake the feeling that she is not telling me everything and she seems to still be a little sneaky about what apps she puts on her phone and lately she has been using her an browser in private mode on her phone. It makes me think she's hiding by something, but when I ask she immediately tells me what she is doing. It's so weird, she's not doing my anything inappropriate and she's always willing to show me, but it seems like she just can't share everything with me. Keep be if like a rebellious teenager. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I'm no longer able to focus on our relationship but rather I'm focused on catching her in the act again. The problem is, it seems like she's either really good at hiding it, or she's not do my anything. How do I shift my focus to things that really deserve my attention like my children.


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post #2 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:08 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

To whom was she sending the pics?

If the guy is local, you'd better believe they've been banging.

What kind of phone does she use?

What sorts of messaging apps has she installed on her phone? Check her App Store downloads for a complete list, including anything that she may have installed and subsequently deleted.

What kind of phone do you use?

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #3 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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To whom was she sending the pics?



If the guy is local, you'd better believe they've been banging.



What kind of phone does she use?



What sorts of messaging apps has she installed on her phone? Check her App Store downloads for a complete list, including anything that she may have installed and subsequently deleted.



What kind of phone do you use?


She was sending them to a much older married man she met at work. He's a member of the club she works for. She won't tell me his name. I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it. We both use iPhones, she actually gives me full access to her phone anytime I want and the only app she has is Snapchat, but she doesn't use it much, I've seen her friends on there and they are definitely not him, they are people we both know and the messages are very far between.


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post #4 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:13 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Who was it?

How long?

Is he married?

What do you know?

Spill everything.
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post #5 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:18 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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She was sending them to a much older married man she met at work. He's a member of the club she works for. She won't tell me his name. I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it. We both use iPhones, she actually gives me full access to her phone anytime I want and the only app she has is Snapchat, but she doesn't use it much, I've seen her friends on there and they are definitely not him, they are people we both know and the messages are very far between.
She's lying.

They've been banging.

She gives you his name or you file first thing Monday morning.

Anything less is a half measure and won't work.

Seriously, man, how in the **** are you supposed to deal with a threat if you don't fully understand it.

**** "just trusting her". It's time for some transparency.

Time to balls up.

ETA: Read a bit of your first thread a few minutes ago. You've likely been living a lie for a few years now.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #6 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Here's the thing, I'm pretty tech Savvy, I can hack into almost anything, that's how I found out in the first place. She can barely figure out how to use her phone and I have to constantly fix it for her. She's only been seeing this guy since October 2016. I probably should have said that in the first place. So unless she has a burner phone sitting around some place there's no way she could even fart without me knowing. I actually feel guilty about this though, like I'm invading her privacy. I'm guessing that's why I feel so crappy about it.


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post #7 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:13 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
Here's the thing, I'm pretty tech Savvy, I can hack into almost anything, that's how I found out in the first place. She can barely figure out how to use her phone and I have to constantly fix it for her. She's only been seeing this guy since October 2016. I probably should have said that in the first place. So unless she has a burner phone sitting around some place there's no way she could even fart without me knowing. I actually feel guilty about this though, like I'm invading her privacy. I'm guessing that's why I feel so crappy about it.


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There is no such thing as privacy to cheat in a marriage. Cmon man!!!!
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post #8 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:15 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

You need to demand she tell you who this guy is. If not, you file for D.

With her working with the guy, I'm sorry to say but they have been banging like rabbits. Almost always, the woman send nude pics after they have already started having sex. It is sent as a way to hold the OM over until he can have her again.

With the OM being much older than her, he would be so hungry for her, which feeds her ego. The amount of threads I've read of WWs that get totally wanton with men they admit were way less attractive than their BH would blow your mind. They are addicted to the attention. He tells her how hot she is and other corny lines, and she rewards him with porn level sex.

How has your sex life and affection levels been? Has she been cutting you off or giving you cold duty sex? Does she avoid making out with you?
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post #9 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:20 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
She was sending them to a much older married man she met at work. He's a member of the club she works for. She won't tell me his name. I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it. We both use iPhones, she actually gives me full access to her phone anytime I want and the only app she has is Snapchat, but she doesn't use it much, I've seen her friends on there and they are definitely not him, they are people we both know and the messages are very far between.


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She has an affair and won't tell you his name? WTH is wrong with this picture? You have zero respect for yourself. Get some!!!

You have his number look it up. There are ways to get that info. Then inform his wife without warning.

You don't need anymore proof. If they have contact the affair doesn't stop and its sexual.

Chester lie a lot in case you didn't know. The big problem is you have zero control over your life. She's cheating and you're worried you might make her mad.

I got news for you sport. Unless you can own and set boundaries for yourself you will continue to get walked on.
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post #10 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:21 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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Originally Posted by Kiloman76 View Post
She was sending them to a much older married man she met at work. He's a member of the club she works for. She won't tell me his name. I'm on the same page you are, I'm pretty sure she was banging him, just can't prove it. We both use iPhones, she actually gives me full access to her phone anytime I want and the only app she has is Snapchat, but she doesn't use it much, I've seen her friends on there and they are definitely not him, they are people we both know and the messages are very far between.


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She has an affair and won't tell you his name? WTH is wrong with this picture? You have zero respect for yourself. Get some!!!

You have his number look it up. There are ways to get that info. Then inform his wife without warning.

You don't need anymore proof. If they have contact the affair doesn't stop and its sexual.

Chester lie a lot in case you didn't know. The big problem is you have zero control over your life. She's cheating and you're worried you might make her mad.

I got news for you sport. Unless you can own and set boundaries for yourself you will continue to get walked on. Quit being played for a fool.

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post #11 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:24 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Also with them working with each other, they don't have to communicate through the phone. They have company IM and email. Besides once an affair gets off the ground, it goes into auto-pilot mode, where they both know what time it is. There is less maintenance needed by OM. Your WW will do all the work for him.

What usually happens, is they hook up during lunch. If they're not going to a hotel, they'll go to an isolated part of a park and have sex in car or she'll give a blow job. Then they go back to work trying to be all incognito to keep co-workers in the dark.

You might be thinking no way. You don't know my wife, she would never do anything like have sex in a car. I bet you thought she would never send naked pics over the internet to a co-worker she's known for a few months either.
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post #12 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:27 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

Well surprise!!!

Lost and Lonely

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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post #13 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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You need to demand she tell you who this guy is. If not, you file for D.



With her working with the guy, I'm sorry to say but they have been banging like rabbits. Almost always, the woman send nude pics after they have already started having sex. It is sent as a way to hold the OM over until he can have her again.



With the OM being much older than her, he would be so hungry for her, which feeds her ego. The amount of threads I've read of WWs that get totally wanton with men they admit were way less attractive than their BH would blow your mind. They are addicted to the attention. He tells her how hot she is and other corny lines, and she rewards him with porn level sex.



How has your sex life and affection levels been? Has she been cutting you off or giving you cold duty sex? Does she avoid making out with you?


I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.


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post #14 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:35 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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She has an affair and won't tell you his name? WTH is wrong with this picture? You have zero respect for yourself. Get some!!!

You have his number look it up. There are ways to get that info. Then inform his wife without warning.

You don't need anymore proof. If they have contact the affair doesn't stop and its sexual.

Chester lie a lot in case you didn't know. The big problem is you have zero control over your life. She's cheating and you're worried you might make her mad.

I got news for you sport. Unless you can own and set boundaries for yourself you will continue to get walked on.
Just want to say you are doing God's work here man. I don't know where you find the strength, it gets really hard to post the same things over and over.

OP you should listen to this man. We see a thread like this almost every week. You can't trust anything your wife says. It is almost always worse. It only stops when there is no contact and then not always.

After you get there then you can decide whether you want to waste you life with someone who has no respect for you or your marriage or not. Until those things happen you should just assume that she is still cheating. They all do the same thing. I could right a post and predict your future 6 months right now because they all do the SAME thing. And depending on whether or not you choose to R I can predict the rest of your life, because basically everyone has the same results more or less.

Here is the correct way to handle it as far as results would show. All these people ended up better off then the ones who were passive. Right now you are way too passive.
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post #15 of 46 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:44 PM
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Re: Found out my wife was cheating

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I know they have been banging, that's without question, I even have a GPS log of where she met him at a hotel. But because I actually did not catch them in the act, she says she can't explain the log. I called her out on it and she sticks to her guns. Yes it hurts, but for the sake of my kids, we are working through it. I know for a fact she is not seeing him anymore, and they don't work together, she works at a golfing club he belongs to. Our sex life has been not good for a long time, but that had more to do with postpartum mood issues. One of the reasons she told me she did it in the first place was because she actually started feeling like sex was good again and she had turned me down so many times that she was ashamed to come to me. She certainly could be lying, but I honestly don't think she is. Time will tell I guess.


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Well lets just jump to the chase, from the way you chose to deal with this which is exactly the same way you chose to deal with her issues before she cheated, you are in for a very hard rest of your life. I wish I could say different but she treats you terrible. No one should be willing to stay with someone who treats them so bad. Yet you stay, so basically it's on you at this point. Something i wrong with you that you need to address.

As an outsider let me say your wife is just awful (to be nice). Her excuses are a joke. You would be better being alone. What are you teaching your kids by staying with such an awful person. What happened to you? Did you grow up in a broken home or something? Does she crap gold or something? Seriously why?

If you want to change your life start here.

Also this.

You can post here and we will try to encourage you like we do all the men like you but the truth is only you can help yourself.

One other thing, you say she could be lying but I don't thinks so. You have shown you have no ability to read your wife, AT ALL. Stop depending on an ability you don't have. Let me tell you, your wife is full of crap.

Last edited by sokillme; 04-13-2017 at 08:52 PM.
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