I agree with Arbitrator. Read his post about 1,000 more times.
It seems your boyfriend was having all his mid-life crisis fun with a youngin' until YOU threw a monkey wrench in the works and screwed it all up for him by talking to his girlfriend and she found out what a true dirt bag he REALLY is. Lying to you, cheating on you and on top
of it, lying to HER and claiming to be single just to get himself some action on the side.
This guy has hit an all-time low in his life - in fact, he dug a crawl-space UNDER
his lowest point in life.
And now that his affair is over - not because HE wanted it to end, but because you
caught him and told his OW what a liar he is, he's suddenly wanting a "2nd chance?" I wouldn't give this guy the time of day, much less reinvest in a deplorable person like this.
And here you are all eager to get into therapy so you can find a way to swallow the HUGE **** sandwich he's served up to you on a silver platter. Why don't you trust your OWN judgment of seeing him for what he REALLY is and accepting
the fact that he's about as toxic as a human being can get? Why do you need a therapist to talk you into
finding a way to accept the atrocious disrespect he's continually heaped on you for a whole year?
I have ended up being the supportive one and am now wondering whether I am kidding myself here and perhaps its just him not wanting to be back but will not tell me. or can extreme feelings of guilt and shame do this?
Of course it's ALL ABOUT HIM. Always was, always will be.
Someone as low as this doesn't know what the hell guilt or shame IS
. What a steaming boatload of manure THAT is. It sounds as though he completely emotionally disengaged himself from you a while back, and he's just having a hard time trying to find it again after having invested a year of his emotions and energy into the young woman he conned. But you're the only game in town for him now so he's going to try. Letting YOU think it's all "guilt and shame" sure sounds a hell of a lot more noble
than the truth, so that's what he's going to continue claiming it is and just about any quack therapist will take that and run with it, validating his bull****. What a con artist.
Where was all this supposed "guilt and shame" every single time he lied right to your face? Where was it for the last YEAR every time he lied to you or made up a lie in order to get out of the house and go spend time with his OW? Where WAS that mystical guilt and shame then
Personally, I wouldn't invest 5 more minutes into this snake oil salesman. He's SHOWN
you who he is - you need to believe him.
I see that you posted this same thing on the SI Reconciliation board. Since you're anxious to reconcile with this guy, they'll all happily encourage you to stay with a cheater and learn how to eat a steady diet of **** sandwiches for the rest of your life. They'll also tell you all to get therapy because they think it's the magic cure for everything
that ails you.