YOur H has been neglecting you physically and emotionally, that sort of neglect can cause all sorts of problems. You chose o handle it the wrong way and I suspect he has also cheated on you.
It does appear that your WH does not know how to stop neglecting you, you both should consider individual counselling then MC. However, with all the damage that has been done by both of you, it may well be that there is no coming back from it.
Why did you turn to other men, don't you have female friends you can confide in?
I know all about neglect in a marriage but that does not entitle you to turn to someone else. You have to work through why you think it is.
7- 9 years into a marriage is often the time when things go awry, the spark is lost, the responsibilities increase.
I would suggest you get your own IC to work through your emotions, leave your marriage out of it for a while. Marriage is not about what you can get out of it, its about what you can bring to it, maybe if your changed your focus, the dynamic would change.
Many men don't realize how bad the pain of neglect and rejection is for a woman. It is a passive form of abuse, that inflicts significant long term suffering and damage.
It rivals the pain of infidelity, and having a "get over it" attitude in either case is cruel and unfeeling.
Having said that you did inflict just as painful a wound to your husband and marriage.
There is a disturbing lack of sympathy on both sides now.
I also think he cheated.
He considers you a possession, a "toy". Which means you are an object to him.
If you want to save this, you have to go at this unrelentingly!!
By that I mean restoring sympathy to your relationship. You cannot compromise or accept anything less here.
IC and MC are a must.
I dont think he will change, but there is NO reason you should accept this.
You took actions for yourself (by cheating) that were destructive, put that same determination into insisting your marriage becomes a mutually sympathetic and caring one, or end it and move on.
For goodness sake stop defaulting to cheating, when a relationship you are in goes south.
You are not a toy, have some respect and don't accept someone, anyone treating you that way.
I really wish you both well.