I have stopped the affair and must admit with my husband being so cold and mean it has increased my feelings of being lonely and unhappy again. I told myself I will remove the other party, seek IC and see how I feel after that. Its really hard bc neither want a divorce.
Rather than going to some therapist in an attempt to figure out how to IGNORE your natural biological needs and desires, why don't you just face the fact that this marriage isn't working
? You've got a rotten husband who has done nothing but treat you like a piece of furniture and tell you that you're just an old toy that he's bored with. Hey, at least he was honest but that's the reality of your situation.
Your FIRST mistake was marrying so young. Neither one of you had much time to get out there, spread your wings, date other people, have romances, get broken hearts, and do what young people DO
. You both totally missed an entire rite of passage into young adulthood by getting married way too early.
Well, THAT'S a big reason you're both so damned miserable now. And that's why you
keep seeking out others. What worked 10 years ago when you were teenagers with stars in your eyes doesn't work anymore. As it happens in most marriages with people who are too young, you continue growing as you get older - and mostly, you grow apart.
You don't NEED his permission to separate or divorce if you live in the US. Secondly, why don't you use this time WISELY and get an education/career so you're not dependent on men? I'm getting the impression that you stay with this guy because he provides for you and you even mentioned at one point that your one boyfriend was broke so you went with your now husband. Stop basing every decision you make on your need for a man to support you. You'd have SO many more options if you weren't dependent on men.