I need advice I cheated and Im not sensitive - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #31 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 04:57 PM Thread Starter
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I have stopped the affair and must admit with my husband being so cold and mean it has increased my feelings of being lonely and unhappy again. I told myself I will remove the other party, seek IC and see how I feel after that. Its really hard bc neither want a divorce.
Rather than going to some therapist in an attempt to figure out how to IGNORE your natural biological needs and desires, why don't you just face the fact that this marriage isn't working? You've got a rotten husband who has done nothing but treat you like a piece of furniture and tell you that you're just an old toy that he's bored with. Hey, at least he was honest but that's the reality of your situation.

Your FIRST mistake was marrying so young. Neither one of you had much time to get out there, spread your wings, date other people, have romances, get broken hearts, and do what young people DO. You both totally missed an entire rite of passage into young adulthood by getting married way too early.

Well, THAT'S a big reason you're both so damned miserable now. And that's why you keep seeking out others. What worked 10 years ago when you were teenagers with stars in your eyes doesn't work anymore. As it happens in most marriages with people who are too young, you continue growing as you get older - and mostly, you grow apart.

You don't NEED his permission to separate or divorce if you live in the US. Secondly, why don't you use this time WISELY and get an education/career so you're not dependent on men? I'm getting the impression that you stay with this guy because he provides for you and you even mentioned at one point that your one boyfriend was broke so you went with your now husband. Stop basing every decision you make on your need for a man to support you. You'd have SO many more options if you weren't dependent on men.


I have now put myself in a position where I'm finiancially successful. But I sometimes feel like that contributed to the problem when my needs were more basic like money, food and bills I felt he was the prefect husband but now that my needs have changed I feel like everything has changed! He upgraded my ring recently by surprise and actually later ask me why didn't that keep me faithful.

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post #32 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 06:43 PM
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Re: I need advice I cheated and Im not sensitive

Ok. You are a serial cheater.

You solve your biggest marital problems by cheating on your husband and pretty much blaming him.

Do you like what you are?

You are not a very nice word you know.

Would your family and children be proud?

You need to change for you!

You chose to marry who you did.

Yes, from what you said, he is far from perfect but he is hard working and loyal unless he has been cheating as well.

I suggest marital counseling and /or self help books to read together and help you repair your marriage.

You have to be willing to bust your cheating ass to save this marriage first. You need to change regardless of if your marriage is saved or not.

It will then be up to your husband to work on the marriage with you if he wants to continue.

If he commits, it will require a lot of work on his part as well.

Why don't you shape up into a woman worth fighting for and give him an attractive reason to give his all for you.

Even if it doesn't work, you will be a better person.

P.S. Your old boyfriend is a serious piece of ****! Any man that thinks sticking his rotten penis in your cheating ass is more important than the well being of your children and your self respect and dignity, not to mention the respect and honor do to your husband, is a worthless human being!

Way to go girl!

Even if your marriage doesn't work out, you should never have anything to do with that worthless prick again!
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post #33 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 06:52 PM
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Re: I need advice I cheated and Im not sensitive

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Why should he accept it? She has cheated on him 3 times. Personally I think this man has detached from his repeatedly unfaithful wife, probably as a coping mechanism.
Coping? They both are.

No one said he should put up with it.

The facts are, he is accepting it and so is she, and it's a polarized situation. I gave her my best advice, and that's all I can do.

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D

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Last edited by Decorum; 04-17-2017 at 07:11 PM.
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post #34 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 08:05 PM Thread Starter
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You cheated, he cheated, no point keeping score. You can't affect whats in your past light cone - only whats in your future.

Do you want to stay together? If so why?

It sounds like you didn't have a great sex life together so the temptation to cheat will always be there, and you will likely cheat again. (even if you really believe that you won't).

You two can agree to stay together and fix your sex life to make it great for both.

You two can agree to stay together but have an open marriage where each can find sex somewhere else when they want.

You can divorce and find better matched partners.

You can stay together and pretend that you won't cheat, but in reality you probably will again, and just be back where you are now.
I really hope it's not hopeless! Believe it or not it's so much love their! Like my brother! From kids we planned on retiring together
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post #35 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 08:20 PM
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Re: I need advice I cheated and Im not sensitive

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Hi I have spoken to him in past about this and he swiftly dismissed that idea. He for one want even admit the hotel rooms was for him. secondly, says I should not have ever felt rejected bc he was tired and I am needed and may possibly need to grow up. He doesn't accept that this is a 50/50 fail. He feels after 15 years of being together we should accept each other faults and deal with them. If it was a problem it should have been addressed along time ago. But I feel we are forever evolving and despite the length of the relationship you two have to work together. I am seeking counseling bc I admit his dismissal of my needs make me so angry especially when he talks so cocky to me. It makes me want to hurt his feelings. But in the end we are both hurt.
Didn't he tell you that you were like an old toy to him? That makes it pretty clear that the issues are more than him just being tired from work.

You say that you think that you are co-dependent. To me it sounds like he just could care less about meeting your needs. You not reacting well do not having your needs met does not make you co-dependent.

Im not sure why you want to stay in a marriage with a man who could really care less about you.

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post #36 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 08:41 PM
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Re: I need advice I cheated and Im not sensitive

You married the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. He never was enough for you.

Looks like he will always take you back no matter what you do. He just want to keep it as hush hush as possible for the kids sake...yeah right, and I believe that Dracula drinks my blood...pffft!

You are both broken for different reasons. You want to stay with him and run around with others. He will probably continue to allow this. Neither one of your are staying for the children, you just want everyone to think your marriage is great for the sake of appearance.

Loving him like a brother is where the problem lies. You will always seek others because loving a husband like a brother is not what loving a husband should be like.

Two broken people make your marriage all right, a dysfunctional one and it will stay that way because you don't know a different way. Good luck to the kids, they are going to need it with parents like you two. One can always hope that they see your situation as something to avoid like the plague is turn out pretty darn great.


If you are not a good example, you sure make for a good warning not to go there ever!

Sorry, no words of wisdom to fix what was born broken. Ending it would be the humane thing to do, but neither you or your husband will do it.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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