Two years ago my husband started a new job. I quit my job after our son was born 2.5 years ago and I am now a stay at home mom. He started talking about his coworker (a woman) often at home. Finding ways to bring her up in conversation. We had friends over for brunch and he starts talking about her and how everyone thinks she looks like Sarah Jessica Parker. I just looked at him like WTF?! I started to feel insecure. I had just had a baby 6 months ago. He picked a fight with me on my first Mothers Day. He told me he didn't know if we should be together anymore. I spent the whole day crying. We talked things out and he said he needed to see changes in me. He continued to bring her up. He started almost comparing me to her. We went on a walk one day and he started talking about what he likes about her and how she's so adventurous, active and likes to try new things. He told me I was rigid and should be more adventurous. I flipped out. I accused him of comparing me to her. I started to become even more insecure. He told me that he thought she was interested in him. That on his first day she asked if he was married. She later told him that's what she does when she meets a new man at work that she's interested in since they can't wear wedding rings at work because they are electricians. He told me how she told him her whole life story, everything that was going on with her ex/father of her child. She confided in him. At this point he also was constantly checking his phone to play Words With Friends. I knew nothing about it as I had never played it before. I started to read about emotional affairs online and would sit nursing my son and crying as I read. One night I decided to ask him about what the heck was going on. I asked if they had feelings for each other. I said the behavior from her was as if they were dating. He got really quiet and was almost crying. He told me he thought she had feelings for him and he didn't know what to call how he felt about her. He said that they had several moments throughout the day where they would catch each other looking at each other and would just catch each others gaze. He said her look was like "if you want to hook up I would do it". He said there was a spark and a connection between them that he couldn't explain and that they had so much in common. He apologized and said he never asked for any of this and he didn't know what to do. That if he weren't married to me that he would ask her out. My heart sank and I immediately felt nauseous. I asked him if he was going to leave me and he said no. He didn't want to end our marriage but he just didn't know what to do. I ended up talking to him again and told him that I needed him to stay away from her at work and that he needed to talk to her and tell her this was inappropriate and to stay away from him. He didn't want to and said it would be awkward but he talked to her. She was sad and said that she had hoped we could all be friends and pictured them at parks having picnics with the kids. Well, as I continue to press for information I find out she smokes. My husband is weak when it comes to smoking and they take private smoke breaks multiple times a day with each other. He tells me more red flag behavior from her. She awkwardly seeks him out when he's alone during the day to ask weird questions like "so I realized I never asked you how long you've been with your wife and why didn't she take your last name, if I married you I would take your last name". She told him how she's always talking to her friend about him and how a movie her daughter likes they named him as a character in it as well as her and her friend. One weekend morning I went downstairs to make coffee and his phone got an alert. It was from Words with Friends and it said she was waiting. I started shaking. I had previously asked him if they had any contact outside of work. He said no - no phone calls, no texts, nothing online. He lied to me AGAIN. I confronted him and told him I felt betrayed. He told me there was a chat option in the game and that they chatted as a way so I wouldn't see. It was her idea. She contacted him first so I wouldn't find out since she didn't want to cause problems. She sent him a message on their for Fathers Day. She said she was thinking of him and hoped he had a good day. I framed everything to him with the tables turned. I asked if this was going on with me and a male coworker and if he had asked me to cut all contact/interaction and if I didn't and lied and hid things how would he feel. He told me that he would have left me a long time ago if I did that to him. He still took smoke breaks with her. I told him he needed to talk to her again and tell her they were not going to be playing this game and that the contact via chat was totally inappropriate. I will also add that she recommended that he read a book. I looked it up and the story is about a married man falling in love with another woman.
***EDITED TO ADD: The foreman on this job left and my husband was promoted to foreman. There was a going away party for the foreman who was leaving. It was at a bar on the other side of town. I couldn't get ahold of my husband when he should have been home from work and he wasn't answering texts. He had casually mentioned there might be a get together which immediately caused me anxiety. He finally called me back and asked what the problem was since i had texted and called several times. He said he went to the party. It was only guys there and of course he wouldn't go if she was there. HE WAS LYING!!!! I called his bluff as my heart was pounding through my chest and I said I didn't believe him. I said so if I walk in the door I won't see her there. He got pissed and said I better not come there and yes she WAS there. It's not a big deal, just coworkers hanging out. He said he would finish his beer and leave. Over and hour passed and he wasn't coming home. I got in my car in a panicked rage and was ready to march in there with my son. He finally called back after I sent a msessage saying I was on my way and that he was on his way home and I would leave me if I went in there and threatened her. I later found out that he talked to her about the fact that I would be upset. This was a day after he told her he could have zero contact with her. She said "what's your wife going to think about me being there" and his response was I JUST WON"T TELL HER! She said "I won't touch that with a 10 foot pole". They left work several hours early and they went outside at the bar for private smoke breaks. This was after I found out about the WWF issue. ***
I'm sure I'm forgetting details. Anyway, they worked together for 5-6 months. Thankfully they have not worked together since fall of 2015. This has caused a HUGE issue in our marriage. I have trust issues now. I still feel insecure. He's been saying for a long time now that nothing ever happened, he didn't cheat, he did nothing wrong even though he admitted wrong doing at the time. He hasn't done anything to make things better. I know I need to get over it somehow. Am I crazy for being so upset about what happened at the time and still having issues getting over it? Please help. This is the first time I'm putting this anywhere.
Last edited by FeelingBetrayed; 04-17-2017 at 11:59 AM.
Reason: Additional info