Really? Again! - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #46 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 07:11 PM
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Re: Really? Again!

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Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
Nothing wrong with a divorce. I was in a 100% sexless marriage for the last 4 years of my 8 year marriage. It's a sham. It eats at you slowly and you try to convince yourself you can live like this until your kids turn 18. I read No More Mr Nice Guy, got mad, and left. I was having sex with girls the next day from my new extended stay hotel temporary home. I'm having the best sex of my life now and bought a house with the girl of my dreams 16 months post separation. Get busy living life to the fullest. Only one life. Don't waste it.
I always meant to ask you. How is your EXW doing? Did she re-marry? Is she going through a string of men or is she not dating at all.

I know you do not care. But I also know that you have some curiosity about her. I am curious. Did she learn from her "mistakes"?


This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #47 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 08:38 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
Nothing wrong with a divorce. I was in a 100% sexless marriage for the last 4 years of my 8 year marriage. It's a sham. It eats at you slowly and you try to convince yourself you can live like this until your kids turn 18. I read No More Mr Nice Guy, got mad, and left. I was having sex with girls the next day from my new extended stay hotel temporary home. I'm having the best sex of my life now and bought a house with the girl of my dreams 16 months post separation. Get busy living life to the fullest. Only one life. Don't waste it.
I always meant to ask you. How is your EXW doing? Did she re-marry? Is she going through a string of men or is she not dating at all.

I know you do not care. But I also know that you have some curiosity about her. I am curious. Did she learn from her "mistakes"?

She has been in a long term relationship for 13 years that recently ended. My H says she has lots of guy friends and texts lots of men some who are also married. They are all just "friendly." He said she is one of those girls who just like male friends better than female friends. H doesn't think she is single but says she was crying about her break up from the long term bf.

I called her last time twice to let know how her actions hurt me. She did seem scared of me, said my H implied our marriage was over. She seemed naive and dumb. ( more than me) The text messages I read 5 years ago were flirtatious but not obscene. I didn't see all the text messages just the ones he saved as a record. I did know that the both stayed up all night texting and my H had to called into work the next day. I was out of town. When I called her she told me how much my husband said he loved me and wanted to work things out with me. H was not telling me this at the time. She even offered to be a mediator of sorts to help my H and I work things out. Is she crazy!? I don't want her to be a councilor for us!

I insisted my H talk to her and let her know there would no friendship from him outside of work and to tell her I know about the times they met recently. He said she was shocked and mad at him because she thought it would be ok. How on Earth would it be ok with me. Sure, sure meet up my H out of work for some shopping. Someone is either dumb or lying.
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post #48 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 10:28 PM
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Re: Really? Again!

From everything you've written, you sound like the housekeeper - you keep the house, take care of other things domestic, have no sex with the 'man of the house.'

I think you're settling for a mediocre (at best) marriage. You don't have to settle! You can straighten your spine, put on your big girl panties, lace up your ***** boots, and show your WH the door.

He's a liar who doesn't love you or respect you for who you are. And you stay with this. Why would you do that? Why would you settle for this? How do you see yourself five years from now? If it's with him, then it's the same old **** - a husband who grudgingly stays in the marriage, but can't bring himself to be a decent husband.

I would toss him overboard. Life is too short. It really, really is.

Go visit the Chumplady and feel empowered:

https://www.chumplady.com

As she says, 'Leave a cheater. Gain a life!'

Last edited by alte Dame; 04-19-2017 at 10:32 PM.
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post #49 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 05:37 AM Thread Starter
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I know this might be annoying to keep saying this but I am writing this for myself to read it later as well as get the harsh reality told to me.

I am reading Surving the Affair and it is crushing any tiny hope I had. The ways WS start affairs and hide affairs and how the are discovered. It makes my H seem guilty guilty guilty. Super hard to believe. I just can't. It's like all my hurt and anger is retroactive. All the hurt and anger from 5 years ago has come back with interest. I don't know if he really did just causally met her in a public place TWICE in the last month. That act brings all of it back. Now I have 5 years of unaccounted time, I have no real idea to if he ended it or not since he refused to let me see his texts and email at the time and I stopped asking since it was too upsetting.

I have felt that he isn't taking me as seriously as he should. He has to quit his job or get out. Pick on or the other. He won't do it, he loves his job. It gives me a way to get a separation but not be unreasonable. I let him stay at his job around her last time and it is the only way I will even consider any R. I am doubting any R because I doubt my ability to be that understanding. That's my goal today. Wish me luck.
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post #50 of 50 (permalink) Old 04-20-2017, 11:07 AM
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Re: Really? Again!

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Originally Posted by Thestarsarefalling View Post
I insisted my H talk to EXW and let her know there would no friendship from him outside of work and to tell her I know about the times they met recently. He said she was shocked and mad at him because she thought it would be ok. How on Earth would it be ok with me. Sure, sure meet up my H out of work for some shopping. Someone is either dumb or lying.
She is dumb, For sure.
No sense of boundaries.

For sure your' husband is a liar.
And dumb for thinking you are dumb.
And boundary senseless.
He does not care...until it becomes necessary to care.
A color blind chameleon, he be. He could not hide a toothpick in a pine forest.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
SunCMars is online now  
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