Can't move on - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 09:35 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Can't move on

My partner and I decided to separate almost three months ago, when he moved out after 9 years together and a 6 year old son. He is a porn/sex websites/cyber sex addict, liar, and leading double life with many many secrets. The issue is that I cannot stop crying and all the time I feel extremely sad and lonely and scared... I thought I could do this, but now I am not so sure.. it hurts so much, I see him moved on with his life - he likes it that way as I am not there anymore to stop him from his sex activities (sex websites memberships, dating sites memberships, online dating and online sex with women and men from craigslist, sex calls to name a few)... Yet, it hurts so much, my body is in pain, my heart is literally broken... I was hoping he would miss me and he would want to come back... he does not. At least he cares about our son... why can't I move on? How can I move on?? I live in an agony and it hurts...

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 09:51 PM
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Re: Can't move on

Hi, your pain is very new so this is natural to feel what you are feeling. Have you begun seeing a counselor to help you with this.? That hard truth is that after dday the BS must take care of themselves and do what they need to do to heal. You must begin to repair yourself - he can not do it for you.

“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 09:52 PM
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Re: Can't move on

You are doing it. Three months isn't a very long time to mourn the loss of a nine year relationship. You are going to feel pretty crappy for a while yet. But it does get better, it does get easier, and you will be happy again. In the mean time, here are things that help: counseling, exercise, socializing, anti depressants. Most of us used a combination of everything to get through one of the toughest times in ones life.


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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 09:58 PM
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Re: Can't move on

Sounds like your ex is a) pretty ****ed up and b) completely incapable of functioning in any sort of healthy relationship.

I wouldn't bother mourning this relationship any more than I'd worry over the fact that my dog can't talk -- neither of them is capable of being more than they are.

Let him rot in his own filth, and do what you can to limit your son's exposure to his reckless lifestyle.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 11:17 AM
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Re: Can't move on

He is doing you a HUGE favor by not missing you and wanting to come back! What a worthless piece of crap! Your grieving is normal. However, if you dont start feeling better soon, you may want to get in touch with your doctor, and also see about getting into therapy.

Oh, and file for divorce!!

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 11:23 AM
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Re: Can't move on

Quote:
sex activities (sex websites memberships, dating sites memberships, online dating and online sex with women and men from craigslist, sex calls to name a few)...
Sorry you are hurting but....from the above description you are missing what exactly? In time you will see that giving the boot to this man was the one best thing that could happen for you and your son.

It will get better I assure you!

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 11:54 AM
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Originally Posted by sonita1975 View Post
My partner and I decided to separate almost three months ago, when he moved out after 9 years together and a 6 year old son. He is a porn/sex websites/cyber sex addict, liar, and leading double life with many many secrets. The issue is that I cannot stop crying and all the time I feel extremely sad and lonely and scared... I thought I could do this, but now I am not so sure.. it hurts so much, I see him moved on with his life - he likes it that way as I am not there anymore to stop him from his sex activities (sex websites memberships, dating sites memberships, online dating and online sex with women and men from craigslist, sex calls to name a few)... Yet, it hurts so much, my body is in pain, my heart is literally broken... I was hoping he would miss me and he would want to come back... he does not. At least he cares about our son... why can't I move on? How can I move on?? I live in an agony and it hurts...
9 years is a really long time! We all go through the grief stages and 3 months is such a short period of time. It's not enough for any real healing to be done! You are still in acceptance. I would say it sounds like you made the right decision so give your self some time! Try some self help activities, school a hobby even church to distract you for now! I hate when ppl say just forget about him he isn't s*** bc that's who you loved and planed on being with for the rest of your days and that has been taking away. So give yourself more time to heal! You will rethink, even double think this decision that's your right but from the sound of it hurt comes both ways (with or without) at least with out you know someday the pain will go away! *cyber hug*
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