Originally Posted by calif_hope
Look, get to a doctor and get some help, has she confessed / admit this to you......if your ex buddy is still denying it I assume not. If legal action has already started you need to talk to your lawyer about paternity - since the child was born in your marriage the law assumes the baby is yours and it takes testing AND a court order to change the husband presumption. Have to move on this because their are very hard timelines, if you wait too long the courts will not even consider the issue.
Not to put this in your head to hurt you, just motivation: Your wife didn't stop having sex with this dude after she came back, your friend fathers the child. Now you get divorce and don't clarify the issue; you divorce and have to start paying child support. She moves and maybe even marries the ex-friend, it comes out you are not the father. Imagine the pain of financially supporting them to raise their child, 18+ years, every month, maybe even having to pay a percentage of medical and daycare.
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The above is SO important!
Right now you are in trauma. Your emotions are everywhere and nothing else matters to you coz you can't think straight for yourself.
If you have a friend, one you can trust, ask them to go with you to a lawyer. Get the friend to act as a listening ear because you aren't likely able to deal with the hard financials and options.
Happiness and health may not be something you can see right now, or for a long time but in order to deal with this to protect yourself and your son, you need to get medical help as others have said. Ask about a test for your son, or as others have posted, a buy off the shelf kit but, the doctor route is best.
Stop drinking. Your head is already in a state of flux and being in a drunken stupor will make it much worse.
Rally someone and if no-one maybe a good neighbour can keep you on the straight and narrow through this difficult time.
Leave your wife to deal with herself at the moment. You need to sort yourself out. Eitherway, if you are the father or not, what you do now is important to help you so you can help your helpless dependent little one.
You rid yourself of the booze and stand proud drawing on what inner strength you have left and take action to protect both you and the child.
Deal with wifey later. For now it's you and the kid and survival. You need a home and money to ensure both your wellbeing.
Wifey can leave, if necessary. She is the one that caused all this pain by stepping out on both you and the kid.
She is the one to do any heavy lifting.