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My wife wants an open marriage and I dont

38K views 90 replies 50 participants last post by  goingsolo12 
#1 ·
First time posting on this site.

I have been married for 17 years and the last few years have been challenging. We really grew apart. In November my wife told me that she was leaving me. I begged her to stay and she did. Since then she confessed that she developed feelings for another man and was interested in us opening our marriage so that she can have some type of relationship with him. She claims that she loves me and wants to stay married to me but that she no longer feels any romantic feelings towards me. She wants the freedom to explore romantic emotions with this man and others.

The funny thing is that since confessing this to me, our relationship has grown closer than it ever has, more intimate and we have been having more passionate sex than we have had in many, many years. She claims that she feels closer to me because I am giving her freedom from what she felt was a constricting relationship. This confuses me.

I love my wife and I also still some type of romantic feelings for her. I want to stay in our marriage (we have three kids 14, 10, 8) but I would prefer monogamy. She told me that the only way she can stay married to me is to open things up a bit. I agreed to gift her 4x year overseas trip with freedom to do what she wants with this particular man and anyone else. As long as it is far away from me, from our home, I feel a bit safer about it.

Truth be told, I am uncomfortable about this and I wonder how this will impact our relationship moving forward. I feel pressured into this but at the same time, I dont want to end our marriage over this issue that may be temporary (wishful thinking?). But I am starting to resent her a bit and I am thinking about this all the time. Sex to me is more than a physical act and the idea that she will be experiencing emotional and physical intimacy with others is troubling to me.

If anyone has any experience with this or has anything constructive to say, I would appreciate hearing about it.

Thanks!
 
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#79 ·
I am totally against the concept of open marriage, it doesn't make sense at all. If you don't want a monogamous relationship why marry at all?
Heck remain as loving couple and date other people why do you need to get married? If a couple wants to have relationships with other people without growing apart they can do so without getting married. Live together , have kids, date others. All the privileges of marriage would be available without any legal hassle. If the open relationship doesn't work and you find yourself being attracted to someone else rather than your bf/gf you can always break up (instead of divorce) with minimal damage. Why do you have to waste so many dollars over a wedding then ultimately have a relationship with other people and put your marriage in jeopardy? i really don't get it. If you want multiple sexual partners, don't get married.

Marriage is not a convenience, its a commitment for life, its sacred.
 
#81 ·
No, I think he really wanted people to tell him he was doing the right and that people would admire his sacrifice and selflessness.

A lot of chumps want to be cheered on and supported in their chumpdom. That is one of the things that makes the 'Recociliation-Industrial-Complex' so much money. Counselors and therapists make good money by cheering on chumps and giving them advice on how to suck it up and dance harder for their tormentors.

Friends and relatives will also pat them on the back and tell them what a good dutiful spouse and parent they are being by enduring the mistreatment and abuse that the WS inflicts upon them.

I think Xerces really wanted and maybe even expected people to admire and compliment his dedication to keeping his cheating wife under the roof and applaud his sacrifice.

When he didn't get that and when he was being told he was being a chump and a fool, he didn't like that and left the building.
 
#84 ·
Is this what you signed up for when you two married? If it was not and still isn't, then your marriage is gone dude!

Kill it by filing for divorce and let the family know why. Mommy wants boyfriends and I want only mommy. Let your parents and hers know as well as your and her siblings. Expose her shenanigans so you can get some support now better than when she leaves you anyway.

You accepting her crumbs of sex is a weak move on your part. You may love her, but love will not change her, it will emotionally destroy you though. Nip this **** in the bud and file as of yesterday. Please expose her and don't feel shame. You should feel shame for allowing her to appease you with sex. That is not what a husband that loves her and has been loyal and faithful to her deserves. Don't devalue yourself that way. She will not see it or treat it well. She will disrespect you even more. No other way out, but out!
 
#89 ·
Rest assured Ed, regardless of the reasons stated for an open marriage, it is always in the persons perceived "self interest" to participate. If it wasn't for the, "forsaking all others" part, it would be cheaper and offer a lot more freedom to just pay for the other services a spouse offers. In reality the only way the financial and security part comes into play is if she were richer than me. Moreover, unless its elective treatment, you don't get to decided on medical situation anyway. Some accountant in an insurance company is doing that.
 
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