Long time listener, first time caller.
I'll keep the details as focused as I can. The real reason for posting here is partly to vent, and partly to ask for everyone's support. My wife had a PA a long time ago that we have been dealing with for many years. We have finally found the right MC and have been working with that person for a while. After several one-on-one sessions with him, he and I agreed it's time for the truth to come out about what exactly happened in the affair. She's been hiding it for a long time and I know much more went on than she has tried to make me believe. We're at the point now that she basically will not discuss difficult topics unless we're in the presence of the MC.
I'm at the point now that I need to know the truth, and I need to hear her tell me the truth. All of it. All the gory details. MC asked why I need to know. I told him it's not so much that I am trying to satisfy my erotic fantasies or anything like that. I need the mind movies that have been going on to stop. I feel that I'd be better off knowing exactly what happened than imagining what I think happened. And she needs to let it out to set herself free of what she's been holding, and finally ask for forgiveness the right way.
One of the main reasons I know why she got sexual with him is because at one point during the affair, before D-Day, we were in bed and she suggested a position that we had never done before. She called it by a specific name. I played along but thought it was very strange that such an elaborate position she seemed to know so well, yet we never did it before. A week later, we're in bed getting things going, and I played dumb and asked about that position we did the week before. Her eyes lit up and she jumped up and was all about doing it, and she knew exactly what to do, telling me where to go, how to position myself, etc. I immediately knew at that point that something was up. One of the many mind movies I have is of her doing that position with him.
There's plenty of other evidence, like coming home and immediately taking a shower (something she never did), and always answering her cell phone out of breath. I can go on....
I know her well enough that she doesn't do anything halfway, and we don't ever use protection because we don't have to (hysterectomy). I'm more than confident she took that same approach with him.
I hid a lot of these mind movies for a while but after the last few MC sessions, they've all come back to me, and I'm going insane. I guess what bothers me the most is not what they did (which I assume is everything), but the emotion she put into it. She's very escapist - lost in a fantasy world most of the time. She used sex to get what she thought she needed emotionally, and she let herself feel in love so she could pretend to make love to him. The mental imagery of seeing her looking at him lovingly, caressing him, wrapping her legs around him, all while telling him she loves him (which she admitted)... this is just killing me.
Next MC session will be the three of us and while she's not aware of it, this will finally be brought up. I am trying to keep sane until that time, but I really don't know how either of us will react when she finally opens up. This is the last ditch effort before I decide on D. If she can't open up completely, then there's no hope.
I really need your support, and I welcome everyone's thoughts. I'm only describing one part of a very big issue, but this is what's keeping me up at night right now.
Thanks in advance.
I'll keep the details as focused as I can. The real reason for posting here is partly to vent, and partly to ask for everyone's support. My wife had a PA a long time ago that we have been dealing with for many years. We have finally found the right MC and have been working with that person for a while. After several one-on-one sessions with him, he and I agreed it's time for the truth to come out about what exactly happened in the affair. She's been hiding it for a long time and I know much more went on than she has tried to make me believe. We're at the point now that she basically will not discuss difficult topics unless we're in the presence of the MC.
I'm at the point now that I need to know the truth, and I need to hear her tell me the truth. All of it. All the gory details. MC asked why I need to know. I told him it's not so much that I am trying to satisfy my erotic fantasies or anything like that. I need the mind movies that have been going on to stop. I feel that I'd be better off knowing exactly what happened than imagining what I think happened. And she needs to let it out to set herself free of what she's been holding, and finally ask for forgiveness the right way.
One of the main reasons I know why she got sexual with him is because at one point during the affair, before D-Day, we were in bed and she suggested a position that we had never done before. She called it by a specific name. I played along but thought it was very strange that such an elaborate position she seemed to know so well, yet we never did it before. A week later, we're in bed getting things going, and I played dumb and asked about that position we did the week before. Her eyes lit up and she jumped up and was all about doing it, and she knew exactly what to do, telling me where to go, how to position myself, etc. I immediately knew at that point that something was up. One of the many mind movies I have is of her doing that position with him.
There's plenty of other evidence, like coming home and immediately taking a shower (something she never did), and always answering her cell phone out of breath. I can go on....
I know her well enough that she doesn't do anything halfway, and we don't ever use protection because we don't have to (hysterectomy). I'm more than confident she took that same approach with him.
I hid a lot of these mind movies for a while but after the last few MC sessions, they've all come back to me, and I'm going insane. I guess what bothers me the most is not what they did (which I assume is everything), but the emotion she put into it. She's very escapist - lost in a fantasy world most of the time. She used sex to get what she thought she needed emotionally, and she let herself feel in love so she could pretend to make love to him. The mental imagery of seeing her looking at him lovingly, caressing him, wrapping her legs around him, all while telling him she loves him (which she admitted)... this is just killing me.
Next MC session will be the three of us and while she's not aware of it, this will finally be brought up. I am trying to keep sane until that time, but I really don't know how either of us will react when she finally opens up. This is the last ditch effort before I decide on D. If she can't open up completely, then there's no hope.
I really need your support, and I welcome everyone's thoughts. I'm only describing one part of a very big issue, but this is what's keeping me up at night right now.
Thanks in advance.