Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
Arrest reports for assault, photos of your wife/kids/others with injuries caused by you, statements from witnesses seeing you lose your cool, and incident police reports are all proof if an anger issue - a hole in the wall after your wife asks for a divorce - laughable. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
Quote:
Originally Posted by calif_hope
Arrest reports for assault, photos of your wife/kids/others with injuries caused by you, statements from witnesses seeing you lose your cool, and incident police reports are all proof if an anger issue - a hole in the wall after your wife asks for a divorce - laughable. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
Wife initiated more discussions last night.
Apparently, the house she was going to move into fell through and she's no longer able to rent it. She's checking out an apartment today.
I asked her about getting the kids back and forth to school.
She's plannning to bring them by my house so they can ride the bus on HER days in the morning, and then pick the littlest ones up from my house when she gets home, since she doesn't make it into the area in time to get them from aftercare. Should I agree to this?! I mean, it's for the benefit of the kids but it seems like she's trying to take advantage of me.
I'm really sick of having disagreements with her, but this seems a bit much. She also wants me to keep her on my medical insurance even though she can get her own through her school.
I really think my wanting to reconcile is making me soft, but what should I do? I'm trying really hard to let her go but it's so difficult after 20 years and 6 kids.
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
You should always ensure your kids are safe - however you should never be bending over backwards to make the situation that she has created work for her.
Realize the disagreements are when you don't agree to her selfish ME ME ME wants. She is the one who walked, she is the one who XXX.
Meanwhile you've been there ready to take her back and work on things.
Don't let her wear you down to where she just gets everything she asks for.
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
Since you share the custody, tell her if she is unable to fulfill her part you'd pick up the slack, but it has to be done officially and in the writing.
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
I haven't tried the VAR, I haven't done anything as far as looking deeper into the OM. I'm positive he's single, and he's out of state, but I don't know if my wife is still communicating with him.
Looks like she may have found an apartment to move in to. However, she's planning to withdraw her retirement funds to do so. On top of that, she needs me to sign off in order for her to get her funds.
I'm thinking about demanding her cellphones, laptop, full access to get all the proof and facts about the EA before agreeing to sign anything, which I probably shouldn't do at all. But if I don't agree, she'll be stuck at my house until who knows when.
I'm sure my wife is either still in the middle of the EA onlly underground with her new cellphone, or she's recovering from it after I exposed. I'm not sure, but she says she definitely doesn't want to be with me, yet she's acting like everything is fine now that she's possibly found an apartment to run off to.
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
Your wife is definitely tying to take advantage of you. She is attempting to control you using the kids.
On her days with the kids she is solely responsible. Do not let her shift HER responsibilities to HER children onto you for the sake of HER convenience. Harsh - but you have to have it that way. I hope this custody agreement is written and legal.
Now if there is an emergency there is nothing that can stop you from lending a hand or even bending a little for the sake of the kids. Just do not let her set a standard that you are attending to the kids when she is otherwise occupied. She has to alter her schedule for the kids on her days. Period. It is her responsibility.
Do not let her set the tone for this. She wanted the separation, she is the one who dumped the marriage, now she does not want the responsibilities that come with her actions.
I haven't tried the VAR, I haven't done anything as far as looking deeper into the OM. I'm positive he's single, and he's out of state, but I don't know if my wife is still communicating with him.
Looks like she may have found an apartment to move in to. However, she's planning to withdraw her retirement funds to do so. On top of that, she needs me to sign off in order for her to get her funds.
I'm thinking about demanding her cellphones, laptop, full access to get all the proof and facts about the EA before agreeing to sign anything, which I probably shouldn't do at all. But if I don't agree, she'll be stuck at my house until who knows when.
Thoughts?
Irealize that half that is your money as is the increased taxes you'll pay this year along with withdrawl penalty.
So it isn't just her taking out of her money. If affects you too. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
If you filed a joint return to IRS while her payroll / income levels were reduced by retirement contributions made by her - you two will face significant tax consequences by withdrawing retirement funds ー she may only net 40% of the amount she withdraws. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
Bmichael,
Do not make her wanting to separate or leave easy. She is just running as fast as she can from the marriage.
Do not sign anything regarding the money. Talk to an accountant. Then talk to an attorney. Otherwise she is going to leave you holding all the bills.
Go straight to a divorce. Do not bother with a separation. That is her idea so she can sit on a fence for a year to have fun while you sit at home babysitting your kids.
Call her out now. She wants a divorce. Fine. Go see an attorney and work out a custody arrangement. Do not waiver.
Let her see what she is going to lose.
Stop talking about you wanting to R when all she wants to do is run away from you, your kids and your marriage.
Go full steam ahead, do the 180 to get your head on straight and show her you have no fear.
If she still goes with the divorce then you have your answer and you will have saved yourself one year of heartbreak. You will also be one year ahead of no drama and year closer to finding a woman that shares your ideals of marriage loves a lot of kids too.
Be strong, be brave and call her bluff. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
Quote:
Originally Posted by happyman64
Bmichael,
Do not make her wanting to separate or leave easy. She is just running as fast as she can from the marriage.
Do not sign anything regarding the money. Talk to an accountant. Then talk to an attorney. Otherwise she is going to leave you holding all the bills.
Go straight to a divorce. Do not bother with a separation. That is her idea so she can sit on a fence for a year to have fun while you sit at home babysitting your kids.
Call her out now. She wants a divorce. Fine. Go see an attorney and work out a custody arrangement. Do not waiver.
Let her see what she is going to lose.
Stop talking about you wanting to R when all she wants to do is run away from you, your kids and your marriage.
Go full steam ahead, do the 180 to get your head on straight and show her you have no fear.
If she still goes with the divorce then you have your answer and you will have saved yourself one year of heartbreak. You will also be one year ahead of no drama and year closer to finding a woman that shares your ideals of marriage loves a lot of kids too.
Be strong, be brave and call her bluff. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...
Quote:
Originally Posted by happyman64
Bmichael,
Do not make her wanting to separate or leave easy. She is just running as fast as she can from the marriage.
Do not sign anything regarding the money. Talk to an accountant. Then talk to an attorney. Otherwise she is going to leave you holding all the bills.
Go straight to a divorce. Do not bother with a separation. That is her idea so she can sit on a fence for a year to have fun while you sit at home babysitting your kids.
Call her out now. She wants a divorce. Fine. Go see an attorney and work out a custody arrangement. Do not waiver.
Let her see what she is going to lose.
Stop talking about you wanting to R when all she wants to do is run away from you, your kids and your marriage.
Go full steam ahead, do the 180 to get your head on straight and show her you have no fear.
If she still goes with the divorce then you have your answer and you will have saved yourself one year of heartbreak. You will also be one year ahead of no drama and year closer to finding a woman that shares your ideals of marriage loves a lot of kids too.
Be strong, be brave and call her bluff. Posted via Mobile Device
Unfortunately in North Carolina, I can't file divorce until we've been separated for one year or I would have tried to call her bluff before this.
Also, she says this relationship with the OM was only a friendship, yet she deleted the account where I saw the messages (I didn't reveal my source) and she's removed all text messages from her secret phone(which she showed me briefly).
She's been approved for an apartment which is a 3 bedroom and I have five kids that we'll be splitting custody on! They're going to love having to share rooms when at our house they have their own.
It amazes me how little she seems to care how much this will affect our children.
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Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate... 
