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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 01-08-2012, 09:05 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Go to her family first, with NO WARNING to the W. If you go to her first: she will spin yarns to her family-and possibly yours as well-about how paranoid, controlling and jealous you are. Basically, she will deny and lie to make you out to be the crazy a**hole, and she will be the helpless victim.

And never, NEVER reveal your sources-she will just go underground.
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Old 01-08-2012, 09:14 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Go to her family first, with NO WARNING to the W. If you go to her first: she will spin yarns to her family-and possibly yours as well-about how paranoid, controlling and jealous you are. Basically, she will deny and lie to make you out to be the crazy a**hole, and she will be the helpless victim.

And never, NEVER reveal your sources-she will just go underground.
Ok. Wow. That's going to be tough but I see where you're coming from.

I just don't want this to backfire on me and I want to reconcile with my wife so bad.
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Old 01-08-2012, 09:32 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Well, you need not bad mouth her to her parents. You can tell them that she was dishonest to you and them and was actually seeing other men behind your back. You are telling them first so that she won't portray you in bad light if things get bad down the road.
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Old 01-08-2012, 09:38 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

The only remaining problem I guess I see with this plan is the fact that I already told the wife I knew there was someone else without going into detail. She may have already told her mom that I was accusing her of this.

Of course, I have the details to back up the information which proves I'm not lying either.
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Old 01-08-2012, 11:38 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Doesn't matter. You do what you need to do. You are being too much of a wimp IMO
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Old 01-08-2012, 11:48 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Doesn't matter. You do what you need to do. You are being too much of a wimp IMO
You're right. Thanks, man.
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Old 01-08-2012, 12:41 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Stop behaving like a doormat and afraid of what she will do if you exposed her affair.you are doing the right thing and it is your duty to protect your marriage.

you really need to MAN up.
ask her to stop the affair,if she did not then ask her to move out and separate your finances.Ask her to pay half of the kids expenses.
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Old 01-08-2012, 01:11 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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Stop behaving like a doormat and afraid of what she will do if you exposed her affair.you are doing the right thing and it is your duty to protect your marriage.

you really need to MAN up.
ask her to stop the affair,if she did not then ask her to move out and separate your finances.Ask her to pay half of the kids expenses.
Do be prepared for a major outburst from her after you out her affair. However ' they all do this and most of the stuff she says will just be bull sh!t. Good luck. You can talk to her when she settles down.
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Old 01-08-2012, 01:25 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

I'd be careful about exposing the affair to others. That can cause alot of anger and resentment from your wife towards you.
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Old 01-08-2012, 01:29 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Expose, tell 100%, no I think or I believe.....it's your truth and your truth to share if you want.
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Old 01-08-2012, 01:38 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Bmichael......look you make it clear if she leaves the house, it is no longer her home, turns in keys (change the locks) need to ask permission or be invited in to ge inside. No coming and going at her will.....make it clear that she is not leaving you, the house but the family also. She has to pay her share of child support, daycare, sitters, medical, mortgage, utilities and so on.

If your making this easy on her to stay on her good side........,knock it off.

You need to be Alpha, and being Alpha does not mean being angry, bully, or acting like a bull.

Being Alpha is being a man, a gentleman warrior. Stop being a doormat, tell her your going to see an attorney about a legal depression and divorce.
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Old 01-08-2012, 01:42 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Read the newbie thread it tells you all about exposure and more:

Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this
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Old 01-08-2012, 01:55 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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I'd be careful about exposing the affair to others. That can cause alot of anger and resentment from your wife towards you.

110% wrong. Of course she going to be angry. If everyone knew you were an adulterer and was hasseling you about it, wouldn't you be mad. Thats the whole point of exposure, to kill the fantasy. No more walking around and hidng her adultery.
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Old 01-08-2012, 02:01 PM   #29 (permalink)
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I'd be careful about exposing the affair to others. That can cause alot of anger and resentment from your wife towards you.
That is the fear that keeps so many BS in line and helping preserve the affair.

Affairs thrive in the dark. Exposure does make the cheater angry, but thats because their affair is threatened they are reacting out of fear of loosing it.

The only one who benefit from non exposure is the WS.
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Old 01-08-2012, 02:16 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

But guys, suppose you reconcile, your cheating spouse essentially becomes an outcast for life amongst your family and friends.
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