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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-23-2012, 09:31 AM   #361 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

You need to inform her that she doesn't get to decide to just keep him like that. She is pushing the agreement terms to suit herself and you and your son are emotionally being hurt by it.

Put your foot down and inform her that you expect her to stick to the agreement on custody.

You need to be very firm on this or she will push even more to meet her whims.
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Old 02-23-2012, 09:44 AM   #362 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Keep on implementing Just Let Them Go and The 180 degree rules. Also start making post divorce plans that will benefit you and your son - doing this will cause you to look forward to accomplishing them.
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Old 02-23-2012, 11:20 AM   #363 (permalink)
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I'm leaving work early today in order to pick the fella up early from school. My boss and co-workers are fully aware of my situation and have been very supportive.
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Old 02-23-2012, 08:23 PM   #364 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Took my little man up to bed a little bit ago. He begged me not to leave him. So I layed in bed with him until he fell asleep in my arms.

It's killing me to think what this situation is doing to him and the rest of my kids.
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Old 02-23-2012, 08:25 PM   #365 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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I guess he woke up in the middle of the night scared to death and crying and my wife had a hard time calming him down.
Yeah. This is what children do when they realise they are in the presence of evil.
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:02 AM   #366 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
You need to inform her that she doesn't get to decide to just keep him like that. She is pushing the agreement terms to suit herself and you and your son are emotionally being hurt by it.

Put your foot down and inform her that you expect her to stick to the agreement on custody.

You need to be very firm on this or she will push even more to meet her whims.
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We don't have any kind of agreement in place. We're waiting on mediation to start after I've filed for primary custody.

This is the biggest headache right now. We just can't agree on how often she sees the kids. She wants them constantly and when I don't agree, she begins to sling threats.

For example, this weekend I told her she could have the kids overnight at her place, but my son didn't want to stay overnight so he came home. The next morning, I didn't hear from her so I got him dressed and around to go to church. As we were heading out the door, she text me and said she was going to pick him up. I told her that he wanted to go to church and I would bring him by afterward.

She began with the threats, said it was her day and he wasn't old enough to make decisions, and if she didn't get him immediately, she was going to contact the police.

I told her to do whatever she needed to but he wanted to go to church and I was going to take him. Felt bad once we got there though. My little buddy thought his mom and sisters were going to be there too and the only reason he wanted to go was to have the family together.
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Old 02-27-2012, 10:55 AM   #367 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

BMIchael,

You were right to stick to your plans. Especially with no custody agreement in place.

The key is to keep cool and deflect with your wife when she is acting in this "aggressive" manner.

One way of deflecting is to say something like this,

"I am sorry but we are heading to meet the rest of the kids at church, why aren't you on your way there?"

"You are welcome to join son and I at church with the rest of the family, I look forward to seeing the kids there!"

The key is to deflect the wayward, especially when she is ranting and raving in front of the other kids if she was.

Worst comes to worse she can send the police to church. I wonder how that will make her look.

Man does that woman need a psych evaluation or what?

Keep your chin up and do not cave in. Your kids are worth it!

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Old 02-27-2012, 10:58 AM   #368 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Thanks, happy.

I'm going to have another issue come tomorrow. She wants to see the kids on Tuesday and Thursday and I told her she could see them Wednesday.

That one day was plenty when she's seen them quite a bit over the past few weeks. She said that doesn't work for her and she's going to see them Tuesday and Thursday regardless of what I have to say about it.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:06 AM   #369 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

Good Luck and talk to your lawyer. Keep pushing the lawyer.

Was she always like this with you or is it the new "her"?
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:08 AM   #370 (permalink)
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Good Luck and talk to your lawyer. Keep pushing the lawyer.

Was she always like this with you or is it the new "her"?
I've talked to my lawyer about this multiple times since it's always an issue. He said as long as I keep them in my house, she can't lawfully remove them. But if she gets them from school, there's nothing I can do about it. It'll be this way until a custody agreement is in place. We have mediation orientation on Thursday.

My wife is use to getting her way because I was a "Nice Guy" but that isn't the case now and it's causing her to act like this.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:09 AM   #371 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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We don't have any kind of agreement in place. We're waiting on mediation to start after I've filed for primary custody.

She began with the threats, said it was her day and he wasn't old enough to make decisions, and if she didn't get him immediately, she was going to contact the police.
While there is no custody order in place, she can't do a thing. She can call the police but they will tell her the same thing, and until then it is a civil matter. They wouldn't even send out a cruiser. So don't even worry about it. However, it works both ways. She could take off with the kids to another state and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it, so forget about the amber alert. That's why its important to have a temporary or emergency custody order in place ASAP.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:12 AM   #372 (permalink)
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While there is no custody order in place, she can't do a thing. She can call the police but they will tell her the same thing, and until then it is a civil matter. They wouldn't even send out a cruiser. So don't even worry about it. However, it works both ways. She could take off with the kids to another state and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it, so forget about the amber alert. That's why its important to have a temporary or emergency custody order in place ASAP.
I tried to get a temporary or emergency order in place and I could't file one unless my kids' lives were in danger.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:24 AM   #373 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

you need to divorce she is unfaithful and not worthy of love she also wants out of your marriage. There is no point or use in trying to work things out as she has checked out mentally.

such a shame

best of luck hopefully you can or will continue to live a good clean life away for corruption and sin.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:24 AM   #374 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

I understand how frustrating this as well as confusing the kids.

No matter what, No More Mr. Nice Guy BMichael!!!

Stay tough and give it right back to her.
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:24 AM   #375 (permalink)
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Default Re: Just discovered possible EA after Wife said she wants to separate...

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I tried to get a temporary or emergency order in place and I could't file one unless my kids' lives were in danger.
I see. Even a temporary one? How about a child care plan? You will just have to be very wary of her then, because she CAN legally take them anywhere and NOT have to give them back if there is no court order signed by a judge. Of course, do not let her know this and keep it under your hat.
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